I know several life scenarios where the question “how to find a common language with relatives” may arise. This is your marriage or the marriage of your children — relatives “from the side of the groom” appeared. There are also relatives who materialized, for example, the American uncle whom you only saw on Skype. And now you live with him in the same city. We also include the Hollywood trend here — a man for forty years does not talk to his father, he cannot forgive something there — and now he decides to give him a chance in his old age.
But let’s say you had a happy childhood and you know how «ours» communicated all your life. Twenty people on holidays «with us» — then «we to them.» Everyone is happy for each other, if anything — you can count on, you won’t die of hunger.
- Are you free in your relationship with your mother?
- What’s stopping you from truly growing up?
So, feel free to use these «developments» — collect feasts, invite guests just like that, share the news. Even if your new relatives are far from such traditions, you can be sure that they will not resist. But on one condition — if you let her know that you don’t expect anything like that in return. Otherwise, the “other side” will begin to be tormented by a sense of duty and guilt, and this is not the best way to love you passionately and recklessly. For the same reason, don’t try to please anyone. Maintain dignity. Do what you usually do for the people you care about.
There is a proven way to express your sympathy. Write down the birthdays of your new relatives and other memorable dates for her. Calling, sending an e-mail to another country (but not SMS for these cases!) is the first means if you want to improve relations with relatives.
- «I’m ashamed of my relatives»
Farther. When you meet, ask. In order not to be offended later: “they don’t talk to me”! The phrase “I have nothing to talk about with them” in this case speaks only of your snobbery and myopia. There are at least two topics that do not leave people indifferent under any circumstances. This is health and they themselves. So feel free to be interested in pressure, digestion, the dentist’s phone number, repair plans — and the conversation will murmur, you won’t notice how.
There are three more golden rules that regularly helped me out in dealing with relatives (and not only):
- Do not criticize (including behind the eyes, so as not to blur motivation).
- Do not give advice unless you are asked.
3. To ask for advice and all possible help at first, at any opportunity. By doing this, you kill two birds with one stone — you demonstrate unheard-of trust and respect for other people’s experience and … right! Get this help! Remember, people dream of being helpful.
- 35 years old: do I really want a child?
My Georgian friend Manana has a daughter married to a Frenchman. And so Manana decided to invite her son-in-law’s parents to her place in Kakheti. They arrived, lived at her house for a month. Absolutely happy. I ask Manana — do you know French? No, he says. And how did you communicate with them? But no way — they just stroked each other and laughed, stroked and laughed!
This is me to the fact that you can generally not have any strategies in building relationships other than the very desire for friendship. He will be appreciated — you can be sure!