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Quite often, we adults do not know how to maintain emotional balance in a difficult life situation and how to resolve it. And our children know even less because they don’t have self-help tools and don’t always have their own opinions. How can we help them? Says the family psychologist.
We live in a space of polarized opinions, which can now have a particularly strong effect on children. One thing is on the news, another is the parents, the third is the teachers. How to support their psychological health in this situation without violating the authority of significant adults? With their recommendations within the framework of the joint broadcast of PSYCHOLOGIES and the MTS charity project shared Irina Moroz, a psychologist of narrative practice who actively works with children and families.
Is it worth watching and discussing current news with children?
According to Irina Moroz, it is better not to watch news in front of children. There are several reasons for this:
The possibility of both you and your child developing post-traumatic stress disorder
“PTSD develops even in those people who were not near any extreme situations, but who have seen enough broadcasts with ethers from there.”
Acquisition by the child of a sense of responsibility for what is happening around
“In preschool children, egocentric thinking prevails, in the sense that everything that happens next to them and around them is because of them. If mom and dad quarreled (for example, not agreeing in opinions) — this, in the opinion of the child, he did something wrong. And if he is guilty, then he can do something about it. This can become a trigger for the child, and he will try to fix the situation that he cannot fix. Which will lead to feelings of powerlessness and depression.”
Child vs someone else’s opinion
What if your child is strongly influenced by the opinion of another adult, such as a teacher? Depends on how critical the issue is.
You can say to the child: “In our family it is customary like this, because of this. You can do this at school, but here it is like this, ”this will only develop his flexibility and adaptability.
“If some fundamental issue arises that is related to your family values, then you need to negotiate with yourself,” says Irina Moroz. — You can leave everything as it is, but then do not “pull” the child to your side. Or if these are topics that can be avoided and you have normal contact with the teacher, then you can resolve this issue with her: “You know, I have such an impressionable child, it would be good if he was spared such discussions.”
When the situation is critical, for example, the teacher is too active in promoting his point of view, you need to change the teacher. If this is not possible, explain to the child that for some time (while he is studying at this school) you need to act according to these rules, and when the opportunity arises, the rules will change.
How to help a child in a stressful situation?
1. Determine if you have a resource to solve the problem
“If we understand that this is not a matter of life and death, and I am now in such disarray and completely without strength, it is better to leave it. It’s okay, says psychologist Irina Moroz. — In this case, you can give the child feedback: «I noticed this, we will definitely return to this, but now I need to rest a bit.»
2. Create a comfortable and safe environment for the child
You do not have a resource, but the child’s condition requires immediate intervention? This does not mean that you need to immediately start discussing the problem. You can start like this: “Listen, I see that something is happening to you. Let me make you some tea” or “Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat?»
Let the child feel better at the level of physiology: warm tea, a blanket, maybe even dim the lights and surrounding sounds. But be careful with hugs: whether this method of support is suitable depends on the characteristics of the child and the situation.
3. Go to dialogue
When the child begins to calm down, you can already start asking him about something: “Listen, so what is it, what happened? , «Did something happen to you?» But if relations in the family were sufficiently distant or conflicting, then one cannot expect that such a dialogue will work at an acute moment. And then it will be necessary to move to it gradually.
According to Irina Moroz, this situation is dangerous because, due to the lack of trust, we will not be able to help the child when he needs it. Therefore, it is better to monitor contact in preventive ways:
Find out who is the authority for the child from the living real and accessible people: teachers, coaches, school psychologists. Turn to the person and ask what the child says, for example, at school about a particular topic.
Study the media environment, opinion leaders. You can send your child links to videos and ask them to watch them at their leisure. Or turn on the video with him — perhaps he will hear some of the reflections.
Take an interest in what the child is watching himself, invite him to do it together. In a word, enter the same communication environment with him.