How to fight harassment at work?

Proven content

The sexual abuse of women has come into the international arena relatively recently. This is a fresh topic. Previously, it was happening quietly. The campaign “#metoo” showed that the phenomenon is massive, that most of us have friends who have experienced unwanted behavior. More or less drastic. And it is thanks to liberation that they can discuss it publicly.

1. The campaign “#metoo” showed that the phenomenon of harassment is massive and affects a huge number of women
2. «Girls are taught from an early age that they should allow their boundaries to be broken. And then defending these borders is very difficult, many women do not even know where they have them »- says psychologist Joanna Piotrowska
3. There is a definition of sexual harassment in labor law, you can apply to the National Labor Inspectorate and the labor court. The labor court places the burden of proving no fault on the employer

Katarzyna Bednarczykówna: We wanted liberation, we have it. We have sex on the first date, we’ve taught guys that they can afford more – that’s what I hear from women a lot.

Joanna Piotrowska: And many women tell me that they gave up short skirts and tight blouses.

And what?

They thought that this would protect them from horse courtship, it turns out that not necessarily. And the feeling of inferiority has already seeped into them. The belief that I am responsible for a man’s behavior. It wasn’t until the XNUMXs and XNUMXs that the sexual abuse of women started to be talked about internationally. This is a fresh topic. Previously, it had happened quietly, the problem was neglected, it was considered a private matter. The campaign “#metoo” showed that the phenomenon is massive, that most of us have friends who have experienced unwanted behavior. More or less drastic. And it is thanks to liberation that they can discuss it publicly. The person who has experienced unwanted behavior is never to blame, the perpetrator is always to blame and this should be repeated like a mantra.

Where does this feeling of guilt come from?

Because girls learn from an early age that they should allow their limits to be broken. And then defending these borders is very difficult, many women do not even know where they are.

In class, I explain to mothers that they are already breaking the boundaries of a child if they say “go kiss your uncle or aunt” and the child does not want to. He has the right to do so. Such a girl learns to be nice, kind, hug, kiss. When, in elementary school, boys grab girls by the breasts, shoot their bras, and they complain to adults, they will often hear: “Come on, don’t make a scene; guys do that, they have to freak out; this is how he shows you sympathy ».

So if a woman wants to protest in her adult life, she calls from the back of her head: wasn’t I too aggressive, wouldn’t he take offense at me? He doesn’t know what to do. What behavior will have the right effect. He may hear: “you need to have a distance, a sense of humor, you exaggerate, relax”. She will be silenced. That is why some women prefer to withdraw, swallow a sexist comment, rather than expose themselves to further unpleasant remarks. Or they come to the conclusion that they are doing something wrong, because it wouldn’t happen to a decent woman.

This mechanism is well illustrated by the recent harassment scandal by producer Harvey Weinstein. It took thirty years! Only now, with prestige, money and fame, the molested women allowed themselves to be exposed to these stories. Because only now can they protect themselves from texts that will shift the blame and responsibility from the perpetrator to the victim.

Where does the pick-up end and the harassment begin?

Two-question test: does the behavior have an association with sexuality and do I want it? Even if we’re talking about the ‘but you have balconies’ type of breasts attention. There are women who will not be bothered by this. All right. But if it bothers you, it’s harassment.

Suppose I am walking down the street, I hear “but you have balconies” and a guy passes me by to brush against the balconies. How should I react?

When teaching women’s classes, I always say: keep you safe. If I go alone, it is dark and the men are standing in a group, I have a right to be scared. I will answer something and I can meet with humiliation and aggression. I have no obligation to react, I can walk away and forget as soon as possible.

Lots of women get agonized afterwards: why didn’t I say anything, I might have blasted something about his little dick, and so on. It is worth thinking then: it was the man who had no right to behave in a given way – I have the right to be lost, scared or embarrassed after such behavior.

But let’s tell someone about this incident to let the air out of us. If something serious happened – let’s talk to a psychologist or psychologist. Most women who experience sexual abuse hold it in for years. As a result, they feel guilty, their self-esteem may be underestimated.

At what point does criminal liability begin?

This is clearly regulated in labor law. There is a definition of sexual harassment, you can apply to the National Labor Inspectorate and to the labor court. The labor court is good in such decisions as it places the burden of proving no guilt on the employer. It is he who is to prove that he did everything to prevent a harassment situation. The employee or employee only needs to substantiate the event.

What about harassment in public space?

It’s very hard to prove. Because how do you get proof that someone was groping us on the train or on the tram? If we have, we can report it to the police and file a civil lawsuit.

What about sexual violence, rape?

This is regulated by the penal code. A few years ago, the rape prosecution procedure changed from petition to official. So it is the state that must make efforts to collect the appropriate evidence and convict the suspect if the evidence proves against him.

Harassment at universities?

This is another story. An interesting solution has been introduced in the United States, where universities have their own independent regulations and can conduct internal investigations and establish their own university courts. If such a court decides that the violence has occurred, it may remove the student from the university. This is allowed under federal law. In Poland, some universities establish anti-discrimination committees, where complaints and grievances can be submitted. This is what the University of Warsaw does.

A lot of women are calling now asking for help?

It depends on whether we can afford the information campaign. When we have money and the opportunity to promote an anti-bullying phone – a lot rings. After our campaign on the radio, the number of callers increased by 200%. Certainly, there is greater awareness among women, but not yet as it should be. There has never been an educational campaign on sexual harassment by the government in Poland. Once we did a small one on our own, with the help of a Scottish organization that donated photos for posters. We sent them out, among others to social welfare centers. More than a dozen returned them with the information that they were too controversial.

In one, young women laugh and drink a drink at a party, the slogan: “Alcohol does not rape, the rapist rapes”, in the other, the woman walks down the street without a bra, the slogan: “The clothes do not rape, the rapist rapes”.

So we approve of drinking alcohol and walking without a bra. In Poland, the dominant message is that a woman should take care of the house, take care of her husband, and when something unpleasant happens, apparently she did not fulfill her duties properly. The husband does not abuse, but enjoys his marriage rights. Another problem is the passivity of politicians, regardless of the party. There are still too few women in power who demand that their voices be heard.

And it happens that a man calls the anti-bullying telephone?

Yes, then we give the number to the institutions that deal with domestic violence.

What does such a phone give?

First, contact with a person who can provide first aid. The woman gets support, we help her recognize the situation and determine what to do next. May take advantage of psychological and legal support, or join a support group.

If the matter is complicated, we sit down with the whole team: lawyer, psychologist and intervention specialists. We share tasks, we make a plan to get out of the situation. If necessary, we go to the court with the ward and watch the process. It happened that a judge or judge indulged in inappropriate comments. We are listening to the trial as a social organization, we have no right to speak up, but we can then write a complaint or grievance. In one case, it was a rape case, we managed to get the judge replaced.

And when a woman does not want to call the foundation, only her friend. How to talk to help?

Don’t judge, listen, say: I’m on your side, it’s not your fault. Transfer contact to an organization dealing with violence, to professionals. Don’t give good advice unless you are a specialist. When we do not know the mechanisms of violence, we may not bear such a conversation. Get angry with your friend for not behaving as we would like, for example: “You came back to that scoundrel, and I told you so long that he would hurt you!”. A woman treated in this way will be ashamed to ask for help again. Additionally, she feels guilty that if she’s with such a bastard, she must be an idiot. And the vicious cycle of violence can happen over and over again before a woman decides to get out of it.

* Telephone for women who have experienced violence: 720-908-974, open from Tuesday to Thursday from 13-19. The psychologist and lawyer of the Feminoteka Foundation provide free help.