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We can manifest it in different ways. Discontent, annoyance, irritation, rage – all these are different forms of anger. It makes us worry, feel guilty and even commit inadequate actions. How to wrap anger for your own good and not earn psychosomatics? Let’s talk with a psychologist.
Anger portrait
Anger is the most negative emotion, it not only destroys the psyche, but also leads to loneliness. Each of us has encountered in life its harbingers, when joy leaves, irritation appears for any reason. It is difficult for us to experience pleasure, work no longer pleases, and the people around us seem uninteresting.
If anger is not appeased, it can turn into anger. According to the observations of psychologist Ekaterina Oksanen, at the stage of anger, feelings desperately rush out and then the most emotionally expressed degree of anger sets in – rage.
At such moments, we are no longer able to control ourselves, we can even do things that we later have to regret.
Like any other feeling, anger can be directed both at others and at yourself.
Personal auto-aggression can manifest itself in the form of guilt
How can we recognize auto-aggression? She has several “companions” who allow us to say with confidence – yes, we selflessly direct anger at ourselves. We list the most common of them:
unconscious self-sabotage, which brings anguish and can even lead to the loss of a job or family;
risky behavior (for example, extreme driving, night walks in dangerous areas of the city);
choosing aggressive or dangerous partners;
eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating);
alcohol, drug, gaming and any other types of addictions;
self-injury, suicidal tendencies.
What does anger say?
Anger is necessary and even useful. It signals that our psychological boundaries have been violated or important needs have not been met.
If we have a ban on anger since childhood, then we fall into a vicious circle. And then suppressed emotions find a way out in psychosomatic manifestations – they provoke bodily diseases.
To be in touch with your own anger is to control it. How to do it?
5 effective self-help practices
1. Get your feelings out in a private place
Find a quiet, private place where you can express your feelings in private. It’s not worth digging them. If you find yourself in nature, in a forest or by a river, then you can allow yourself to scream your anger. In winter it is not forbidden to throw snowballs, and in summer it is not forbidden to splash with water.
2. Tell how you feel to someone else
Talk about your feelings with someone who is ready to listen to you, can find time for this and perceive the information without being distracted, attentively, without interrupting you. Moreover, it is better to tell a psychologically prosperous person who knows that anger is normal. It brings relief if you honestly and openly name the feelings that stand behind it.
3. Sing loudly, find a physically demanding activity
Able to help get rid of irritation, anger and fairly simple techniques. Try to sing loudly, from the heart in the car: no one will hear you, and it is likely that you will feel better.
Work out or clean the house. That way you can switch to something else.
4. Describe your feelings
The writing practices are very helpful. Take a piece of paper, a pen and write about what annoys you, makes you angry. When the letter is completed, reread it and destroy it: tear it up or burn it. This ritual will also help you quickly say goodbye to feelings of anger.
5. Speed up the action
It especially helps in cases where you do not dare to call somewhere where you can be scolded. It’s a paradox, but everything will work out if you yourself are angry.
Preventive measures
Anger is a normal feeling, Ekaterina Oksanen is sure: “It is simply impossible to make sure that it does not exist. In order for anger to occur less often, you need to understand what causes it – people, situations from the past or present.
You can work it out with a psychologist or on your own.” To prevent anger from being destructive, you need to learn how to control your behavior. Do not save, but immediately live this feeling, talk about it with others or use the methods described above.
Details About this: Oksanen E. “On the nerves. How to stop worrying and start living, Peter, 202.