Anger is the most unpredictable of our emotions. A second ago, I wanted to cry from despair or irritation, and now my mind is clouding, sparks fly from my eyes from anger, my tongue says impartial things, and my palms are clenched into fists. We figure out whether it is always worth expressing your anger and how to live it without harm to yourself and others.
What is anger?
Anger is a basic emotion. Everyone experiences it in one way or another.
There are two types of anger: healthy (good) and unhealthy (bad). In the first case, we strive to destroy any obstacles in our path in order to improve life. We feel the energy that helps to achieve our goals.
Bad anger is expressed in the desire to show others our «toughness» and make them understand our rightness and superiority. Very often this turns against us, and certainly is not a healthy emotion.
Is it always necessary to express your anger?
Recently, many people say that anger and negative emotions need to be expressed, you can’t keep them in yourself. Experts often recommend following the path of constructive dialogue and calmly telling the offender about your feelings. Of course, this is good advice that you can and should use. But is this way of solving a problem always justified and useful for living one’s negative emotions?
There are situations when anger is not worth taking out on your partner, colleague or boss. For example, if you don’t want to upset your soulmate or you don’t have the right to be rude to the leader. The only thing you have to do when faced with anger is to live it properly, without harming yourself and others.
Stages of living with anger
Legalization. Stop for a couple of seconds and realize that right now you are feeling exactly anger, anger and irritation. Say to yourself: “Now I’m angry. Now I’m annoyed. Now I’m angry.» After these words, the brain will understand what exactly you are experiencing, and the emotional tension will begin to subside.
Healthy feeling living. Learn to handle anger without hurting yourself or others. When we accumulate negativity and do not pour out this energy, we destroy ourselves from the inside. Emotions always give rise to movement. If you restrain yourself from manifestations of anger, then this movement will occur inside the body, and not in the external environment: the skin will turn red or turn pale, it will darken in the eyes, the voice will begin to break, the temples will knock, the fists will clench … Each person has his own individual reaction.
Coordination of emotion with the body. Listen to yourself and try to understand exactly where anger lives in the body, what sensations you experience: perhaps your chest is constricting or there is discomfort in your stomach? What does this feeling do to the body? By designating it for yourself, you will improve your emotional state.
Breath control. Stop and breathe. Take deep breaths in as you exhale. It is enough to «breathe» your emotion for a few minutes — and it will let you go completely. Enlightenment will come in the head. You will lose the desire to be angry and annoyed. It is likely that you will even be able to find a solution to the problem that caused the aggressive reaction. The breathing technique helps to calm down and recover. Indeed, sometimes a significant other or a colleague is not at all ready to hear that their behavior offends and angers you.
The first and most important thing to do in a stressful situation is to help yourself. If it seems to you that it is inappropriate to throw out your anger now, you can not express it. But you must definitely live this state correctly so as not to harm your own health.