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We are all living people. And mothers are no exception. Sometimes we feel unwell, on some days we have no strength left, and in the evenings we get tired. Is it worth turning life into a feat and, despite the indisposition, continue to play the role of an ideal mother? Or maybe you can just explain to your child that something is wrong with you?
Let’s make a reservation right away, firstly, our article will focus on a slight malaise, a cold or fatigue. When you want to lie down in peace and quiet. If you are seriously ill, you have long-term hospital treatment, or you have returned home after surgery – this is the topic of a separate article.
Secondly, it is worth talking to children in a constructive manner if they are one and a half to two years old or more. Young children should still be “outsourced” to senior aides or other family members. Simply because small children need to be watched constantly and it is hardly worth leaving them even for half an hour unattended.
So what if you can’t do anything?
1. Tell the truth!
From an early age, children should understand that a mother can be sick, tired and has the right to rest and do her own thing. Both dad and other relatives should not hesitate to take care of you and encourage this care in children: “Today mom is sick, so we will go to the site without her. Let my mother lie down and rest. “
If you are alone with the children at home, then tell them that you are very tired and do not feel well. Explain that when children are sick, you take care of them, but today they need to take care of you. “I start the conversation with the fact that they are already adults and understand everything, – this motivates the children very strongly,” shares the mother of the twins, Irina, “they always understand me and take responsibility for what I ask them to do. And be sure to say that when you rest, you will definitely play with them. “
2. Come up with distractions
For children 2-4 years old, the mother’s attention is a necessary condition for the formation of personality and all-round development. But they may well occupy themselves for some time. However, at this age, the requirements not to run, not make noise, not shout are unlikely to bring the desired result. Kids can feel “punished” and only withdraw. It would be more correct to organize their leisure time, direct energy in the right direction. In this case, by the way, there will be some kind of creative sets, coloring books, constructors, puzzles, which are usually kept out of the reach of children. That way, when you need rest, you can keep your kids interested in something new. Of course, this is not for long, but still you will have time.
3. Do not give ultimatums!
“I believe that mom has the right to admit that she is tired or ill. So take it and say directly: “Children, I’m tired.” Nothing terrible will happen, believe me, the world will not collapse. But the children will understand that their mother is not an iron man and not a superwoman, and they will learn compassion, independence, in the end, entrepreneurship (they will figure out how to cook dinner or just how to please a tired mother), ”writes mother of many children Tamara in her blog. And this makes rational sense. When, if not in childhood, should we instill independence, empathy and compassion? If such simple truths are not explained in preschool age, there is a risk that children will never understand them or until they become parents themselves.
Important! You need to talk about your poor health calmly and kindly. No demonstrative “Do I have the right to rest ?!” or accusatory “Oh, you ungrateful!”. Sympathy cannot be achieved with such attacks. Your poor health is not a heavenly punishment for your household. After all, you want to awaken in them a desire to help, and not a feeling of guilt for the fact that you feel bad.
If you cannot fulfill what you promised your child, for example, take a walk in the park or go to the store for a long-awaited toy, you need to say that you will do it on another day when you feel better.
4. Play a fairy tale
In pedagogy, there is the concept of “zone of proximal development”. This term was introduced by the brilliant psychologist and teacher of the 1930s, Lev Semenovich Vygotsky. The zone of proximal development is those tasks that the child does not perform confidently. To successfully cope with them, he needs the help of an adult. In other words, first we show, then we do it together, then we control and only then we entrust this matter to the child on our own. It is very important to follow this sequence of steps and not skip over them. You should not send your child to an activity with which he is not yet familiar, does not know how to cope, motivating this by the fact that he is “already an adult.” For example, you cannot “delegate” a child to cook porridge if he does not yet know how to use the stove. What to do?
A children’s fairy tale about porridge comes to mind. Once my grandmother got sick, and the granddaughter kept asking me to play. “Okay, – said the grandmother, – only I will speak, and you do everything as I tell you.” And then the granddaughter received step-by-step instructions: get the pot, pour milk, and so on. The result is a delicious porridge. This tale is an excellent illustration of how a child gains new experience with the passive participation of an adult. Compose your own fairy tale for children, present them with this little adventure.
5. Be a “lazy mom”
Surely you know families where children who have grown up believe that a mother is obliged to do everything, despite her illnesses, pains, and fatigue. And a sick mother, with a fever, stands at the stove, while the rest of the family lie on the couch, buried in gadgets.
“If mothers were a little more lazy and did not do everything for their children, then the children would have to become more independent,” says Anna Bykova, teacher and author of the book “An Independent Child, or How to Become a“ Lazy Mom ”. In this case, “laziness” is a tactical move that gives the child carte blanche in the manifestation of independence.
“Of course, it’s easier to wash the dishes as quickly as possible than to wipe the water off the floor after a five-year-old has washed it. And then, when he falls asleep, you still have to wash the dishes, since at first they will have fat and dishwashing detergent on them. If you allow a three-year-old to water the flowers, then not everything will work out right away. The child can overturn a flower, scatter the earth, can flood the flower, and water will flow over the edge of the pot. But this is exactly how, through actions, the child learns to coordinate movements, understand the consequences and correct mistakes, ”Anna writes in her book.
Important! Allowing your child to be independent, first of all, take care of his safety. All sharp objects, medicines and wires should remain out of the reach of babies.
Conclusion
One talented mother once said: “For the sake of the happiness of children, find your own recipe for happiness. There is no need for sacrifice and tearful fatigue. Remember to take care of yourself. ” Thinking about yourself means thinking about your loved ones. After all, they need a calm, healthy, full of energy mother, and not a tired and disgruntled grumbling hunted down. ” That is why you need to take care of yourself, your mood and your health. And may everything be fine with you!