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A layoff, a reduction in income, the loss of savings – anything can happen in a family. Do children need to know that financial circumstances have changed? How to talk to them about it, so as not to scare? Experts advise.
Tell, but do not overload with information
“A child is just as much a member of the family as everyone else, and has the right to be aware of what is happening,” says child psychologist Katrina Lindsay. “However, it is important to consider the age of the children and not overdo it so as not to frighten them.”
Your explanation should be as honest, concise and clear as possible: how the financial situation has changed and what consequences this will entail for the child. Ask your child questions and be prepared for the fact that he, too, will ask you something.
Lindsay suggests first finding out what the child already knows. For example, you might ask, “Have you noticed that this summer has been different from last year? You spent it in the country, but we didn’t go to the sea, ”or“ The other day you asked for a toy, but we didn’t buy it for you. How do you think why?”
“It often turns out that children know more than you thought,” the psychologist admits, “but they fill in the“ gaps ”with their own guesses, which are not always correct, and sometimes wind themselves up.”
Speak calmly
The deterioration of the financial situation in the family is a sore subject, and it is difficult for us to keep our cool when talking about it. Difficult, but necessary. Choose the right moment to talk with a child, especially a small one.
“For example, invite him to draw or play,” advises psychologist Sanam Hafiz. – Let the child relax, feel comfortable. You can explain that right now you can’t buy him a new toy and offer to put it on his list of what he wants to get for his birthday or New Year. Tell that now it is more important for your family to buy food, clothes, medicines or save money for a rainy day.
Hafiz believes that children under the age of 10 should be spoken to as simply as possible. It is imperative to assure a child of any age that you can handle it: “Try not to complain in front of the children that there is not enough money, behave calmly and confidently.”
Give examples that the child can understand.
Lindsay advises talking about what is already familiar to the child. For example, now his favorite pizzeria is closed. Explain that during the pandemic it was closed to prevent any of the employees from getting sick, but since there were no orders, there was no money. The owner had to cut the salary of every employee in order not to fire anyone.
If the child understood the example, you can explain that you have a similar situation at work: you also had your salary cut, but you were not fired. Lindsay advises giving the most concrete and understandable examples to the child of what exactly your family will have to sacrifice: “You see, now the main thing is that we all are fed, so that you have something to go to school. In order to have enough money for all this, we will not go to cafes and buy new toys for some time.
Talk about free entertainment
“A conversation like this can end with a list of things to do together over the weekend,” Lindsay suggests. – You can swing on a swing in the playground, walk your dog in the park, play board games, sign up for the library to borrow new interesting books. It’s important to end the conversation on a positive note.”
“Explain to the child that new toys do not have to be bought in the store – they can be made independently, enjoying the process itself,” Hafiz supports the idea.
Give your child a sense of control
“In uncertain times, one of the most effective ways to deal with stress is to focus on things we can control,” says financial consultant Kumiko Love. “Let your child help you with financial planning, such as thinking about what you could save on.”
Plus, a crisis is a good time to teach your child how to make shopping lists, prioritize, and manage a budget. Encourage your child to ask questions about money.
“It is difficult for children to adapt to changes, so you need to be reminded that nothing has changed in your relationship: you are here, you are always there,” Hafiz is sure. If possible, let the children make choices. For example: buy a bike now or save for a vacation with the whole family.
Hafiz points out that teens and adult children can be more involved in family budgeting because they may already have money of their own. Of course, the situation itself may upset or anger them, but at least they are able to understand why this happened and appreciate that you are doing your best.
“Don’t try to sweeten the pill—only promise what you can deliver,” she advises. – If the children start drawing scary pictures of how it all could end, stop them and remind them of the real state of affairs. Talk about the situation in the most positive way – as a challenge, an obstacle that you and your family will definitely overcome. If a teenager himself volunteers to help, be sure to accept his help.
Explain that you are not the only one in this situation.
It is helpful to tell the children that your family is not the only one facing difficulties right now. “Remind them that the situation is temporary and, most likely, sooner or later everything will return to normal,” recommends financier Tim Sheehan.
“Explain that their peers, most likely, also cannot now go to cafes, entertainment centers and get everything they want. The crisis gives your family members the opportunity to find support in each other. Feel free to discuss with your children not only money, but also their fears and joys. And don’t forget to remind them of everything they already have,” advises Sanam Hafiz.
Teach kids how to handle money
“Now is the time to explain to children why a financial pillow is needed, and show exactly how to save,” says Tim Sheehan. Set financial goals together and work out ways to achieve them. Explain what items of expenditure should not be neglected, tell what needs are – housing, food, clothing, medicines – and there are desires, and which of these should be a priority. The more specific the examples are, the faster the children will understand everything.
“The crisis gives us all an opportunity to teach children to be grateful for what they have, to invent their own entertainment, support each other, budget and save,” sums up Hafiz.