How to explain to a child that he is temporarily unable to see his dad?

“When is dad coming?” the four-year-old son constantly asks. He had just begun to adjust to his new lifestyle after the divorce. Now his stressful state due to the lack of walks and movement is aggravated by the fact that his son yearns for his father. I don’t know how to explain to a child that dad isn’t coming because of the quarantine. We decided to say that he had left, but he would definitely return soon and everything would be as before. However, the son is afraid that dad will disappear from his life forever.

Many parents who do not live together face such problems now. Experts advise answering all children’s questions honestly.

“It’s better not to hide the truth, and even more so not to talk about the parent’s long-term departure – this can further traumatize the child,” says psychologist Marina Myaus. In a conversation with him, honesty is the best policy.

It is possible in an accessible form, calmly and without exaggerating, to talk about the true reason for what is happening, the existence of viruses in nature and how to deal with them. This is a good opportunity to talk again with the child about the importance of hygiene and show them how to wash their hands properly.”

Even if the former spouses could not boast of a good relationship, now, for the sake of the children, it is important to overcome conflicts and start acting together.

First of all, discuss whether there is a possibility of a personal meeting with the child. If your country allows distance walks in nature, you might want to consider meeting your little one’s desire to see their dad.

If you can’t walk, you should make up for communication via video. Let conversations with dad become habitual for the child. If he knows in advance when to expect a call, life will seem stable again. The way you will have new traditions: dad reads a book at night or talks with a child after dinner. However, all this will be possible only if the parents agree among themselves.

“The conditions for divorce are different for everyone,” recalls the Gestalt therapist Daria Petrovskaya. – Someone sees the child almost every day, someone every week or once a month. These agreements are important to take into account during the quarantine period.

If you want to change the number and schedule of online meetings, and the other party does not meet halfway, it is better not to escalate the situation. When we stop struggling with reality, it is easier for us to accept our own feelings and the feelings of the child.

During the day, you can play with toys scenes of meeting with dad and other loved ones, grandparents, from whom the children are separated. Initiate games where toys become family members. Remind your child that he will soon see all his beloved people, but for now you need to figure out how fun they will spend time together and what they can play.

Anxiety associated with uncertainty, concern for health and well-being inevitably affects the self-perception of parents. Therefore, it is important to remember the first rule of behavior for an adult on an airplane: first put on a mask for yourself, and only then for a child. Be calm and don’t panic. Such behavior of the parent will help the child feel that nothing threatens his world.

“A positive attitude to a situation where a child believes that he can cope with everything together with his relatives, and begins to be interested in more global things, is laid through the parental figure and is called basic trust in the world,” says Daria Petrovskaya. – During the period of turbulence, the child leans on the parent, looks at how adults overcome difficulties, although it is not easy for them. This strengthens the child’s belief that he can handle it.”