How to do what we promised ourselves?

The New Year holidays are a time of optimism, hope and renewal. And we are all firmly convinced that this time we will definitely keep all our New Year’s resolutions to ourselves. So what if by Valentine’s Day we will completely forget about them? .. Just like last year. And the year before. And in… well, you get the idea.

But what if there really is a chance this year to change everything? There is a whole science of how to set goals correctly. The problem is that, as a rule, valuable knowledge is drowned in informational noise and simply does not reach us. Kelly McGonigal, professor of psychology at Stanford, talks about how to scientifically set and achieve goals. And here are her four science-based tips on how to correctly formulate the task and how to achieve the goals.

Pass the tests

• What motivates you

1. The goal should be meaningful, not easy to achieve.

Our brains are so sharpened that we love rewards and rewards, so often we set ourselves elementary goals just for show. Went to the gym – well done. Wrote a note in the diary – well done. “Setting goals is great fun,” says Kelly McGonigal. “And a lot of the time, people do it solely for the pleasure of feeling that their lives are about to change.” Think about what you want in the new year. Now ask yourself the question – “Why do I want this?”. Now do the same with the received answer. And so three times. For example, if you want to quit smoking, why do you want to? To keep healthy. Okay, why do you want to stay healthy? To live to see the birth of grandchildren. And this is already a strong motivator. “Through this chain of questions, we get to what is really important. And the thought of this “higher” meaning helps us to achieve the intended goal.

Read more:

• “It’s hard for me to communicate”: eight tips that will solve the problem

2. Focus on the process, not the result

Deciding to change something in our lives, we often get hung up on that magic hour X, when the goal is achieved and now our life has miraculously changed. But we cannot predict how events will turn out six months later, and certainly we cannot transform reality in accordance with our own dreams. But we can focus on every small step that leads to the achievement of the goal.

“The idea that everything must be changed decisively and irreversibly at once often confuses people. Whereas small incremental changes set the stage for big changes,” explains Kelly McGonigal. For example, if you are naturally shy but would like to connect with people more, start today with something small. Go out to lunch with colleagues or say hello to your neighbor in the elevator. And then just follow the breadcrumbs – step by step, one small act of victory over your own timidity after another.

“It is possible to perform small, everyday feats consistent with the set goal, without even being sure what exactly you are striving for and what will come of your striving,” adds Professor Kelly McGonigal.

Read more:

• How to motivate yourself? Mantras useful and harmful

3. Think positive

The way in which you formulate tasks is very important. Formulate what you want to achieve, and do not waste time on what you want to avoid – this way you are much more likely to force yourself to go towards the goal. “Roughly speaking,” explains Kelly McGonigal, “it’s just the biochemistry of the brain. Any negative thoughts trigger brain suppression mechanisms, while positive tasks turn on the brain segments responsible for logic and pleasure.”

Think about what you would like to save in your life, what to add to it? .. This approach will allow you to find additional inner strength if your determination begins to weaken. “The words “I don’t want to be fat” won’t help you stay motivated if you just ate a pack of cookies,” says Kelly McGonigal. Love yourself. It works.

Read more:

• How to become happy: 9 books leading to the goal

4. Prepare for failure (in a good way)

It is impossible to avoid failures, retreats and moments of weakness altogether. But it’s important not to give in to them. Most people, having missed a trip to the gym or eaten a piece of cake, fall into despair and tell themselves that once they broke down once, there is nothing to try at all. But this is the wrong approach.

Our task is not to avoid difficulties and failures, but to learn to anticipate them. Ask yourself where could something go wrong? For example, if you know that the feeling of hunger always makes you want to eat something very tasty, but very unhealthy, take something with you that you can snack on and so reach healthy food. Psychologists call this an if-then back-up plan: if event A happens, I will act in a predetermined way B. In essence, this is a program for your brain in case unexpected circumstances arise.

And one more thing: when something doesn’t go according to plan and you give up, remind yourself why your goal is so important to you. The simplest memory of the higher meaning of what you are doing can keep you afloat and help you move in the right direction. And suddenly you find that Valentine’s Day has long passed, and you are still on horseback.

For more information, see N. Goodman’s “The science of setting goals” at Online TED