This is a good question for a happy family: this family has a beloved husband and children. Perfectly! Indeed, and what to do now: talk with your husband if he came home from work a little tired (and it’s a joy for him to talk with you, and there are important topics) — or play with a little one who is waiting for you?
Let’s put the question even broader: if you have several children, let’s say a daughter is four years old and a son is eight years old, and everyone needs you — what are your priorities?
In most families where a loving woman lives with her heart, her heart is drawn to the little ones: in choosing between a husband and children, other things being equal, she is more likely to take care of children’s chores. When her son asks her to help with the lessons and her daughter comes running crying, who hit her knee hard and asks her to take pity on her, most likely, in the near future she will take care of her daughter. Because she is small…
This is a good solution, but perhaps not the best. If this situation is repeated, the daughter will begin to learn that if you want your mother’s attention, you need to cry and often be small and helpless. If the son is also quick-witted, then he will soon begin to whine that he can’t cope with the lessons and he needs help urgently … How to prevent this? One of the first rules to keep in mind is: «All the best goes to the elders.» The rule seems unusual, but there is great vital wisdom in it. Rivalry and jealousy often arise between children, and if parents take the side of the little ones, then the elders quickly realize that it is not profitable to grow up, that it is more profitable to be helpless, unable to cope with lessons and other life difficulties. And someone starts to get sick, if this is the most reliable way to attract attention. In another family, the older children are more important than the younger ones, and when the younger ones must obey them, the older children begin to take care of them, take care of them — they play the role of elders. And most importantly, they themselves want to grow up, because they see that the best in the family goes to the oldest, because it is the father in the family that is the most important here and the main attention is always on the father.
But there is another rule that is also important to remember. It sounds simple: «Ask your husband.» If we are talking about a good family, where the husband and wife are smart, caring and loving people, then it is not so important what decision the wife makes in a particular situation. Thoughtful, doubtful — ask your husband. He is smart and in charge, as he says — rightly so. And it is very possible that he will call the children, and when they come running and the daughter climbs into his lap, he will give the task to his son: “Sasha, you are the eldest, I will ask you to help Masha. Her knee will pass now, and you look at what she is doing now. She seemed to want to draw, then you help her start it. Can you do it? All run, relatives, in 10 minutes come with lessons, I will help you, and while we talk with my mother, I have already missed her for a day. Masha, kiss me and run with Sasha, obey him!”
So, the rules of a wise family: “All the best for the elders!” and «Ask your husband.» However, there is a third rule: “If you love, everything is fine!” When you love and live with joy, then the difficult choice «How to distribute attention between husband and children» — as a rule, does not happen, any choice you make turns out to be good. How true is this for you?
And by the way, what are the rules in your family? What rules help you?
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.