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How to distinguish an emotional illiterate: are they people without feelings?
Psychology
They seem cold, distant, excessively practical and not very empathetic, but what happens to them is that they do not know how to recognize, express and understand their emotions
They may have a flawless academic record, an above-average intelligence, or a striking ability to develop multiple competencies, but what they fail to recognize, understand and express their emotions in the right way. This is what happens to people who suffer from alexithymia or emotional illiteracy, a disorder not only makes it impossible for them to detect their own emotions and feelings and express them verbally, but it also makes them seem cold, without feelings and excessively practical and rational, as he explains. Dr. Alba C. Rodríguez, from mundopsicologos.com.
Some of the symptom that allow recognizing the presence of this disorder have to do precisely with that distant and cold appearance, since the usual thing is that they show a poor communication, both verbal and non-verbal. Their appearance is therefore that of people who are not very talkative and rigid.
They also frequently show lack of empathy towards others because they are not capable of correctly recognizing the emotions of others. This can also lead to disproportionate impulsive reactions.
In the interpersonal field they usually have few social skillsThey find it difficult to establish and maintain affective bonds and in some cases they manifest a lack of sexual desire. They also find it difficult to fantasize or think in an abstract way, which means that they do not usually catch jokes, ironies or double meanings.
Despite their apparent security, they find it difficult to make decisions due to a lack of introspection, which makes it difficult for them to identify the motivations that lead them to action.
Although these are some of the characteristics that define people with alexithymia, they do not have to occur all, because in some cases many of these symptoms will occur and in others perhaps show only slight difficulty in identifying their emotions.
Causes of emotional illiteracy
Some neurological deficits or even adverse situations can lead to the appearance of this disorder, according to Rodríguez, who points out that another determining factor may be the absence during the infantile stage of sufficient verbal cues about the emotions experienced by the person.
Primary alexithymia, therefore, would respond to biological causes such as neurological deficits, hereditary factors or the appearance of the disorder as a consequence of diseases such as multiple sclerosis or Parkinson’s.
On the other hand, a person who has suffered some traumatic experience throughout his life may present the so-called secondary alexithymia as part of a post-traumatic stress disorder. It may also appear associated with depression, to eating disorders, addictions or it may even be due to a disorder in the emotional learning of the person, as the psychologist points out.
So they don’t have feelings?
People with alexithymia do not lack emotions, they feel, but what they need is to learn to express and develop them. That is why Dr. Rodríguez considers it essential that they have the family and environmental support closer, both when attending therapy and during treatment. «This inability to externalize causes them to somatic, which is reflected in their physical state. And that generates a high emotional suffering that they do not know how to define, preventing their self-regulation. That they feel that support, therefore, is important and necessary ”, he highlights.
Regarding the sentimental relationships that people with alexithymia live, the expert clarifies that, although this type of disorder makes are somewhat more difficult or even frustrating, in reality these people can fall in love although don’t be so aware of what you are feeling and need some help.
What if I am the emotional illiterate?
Treatment for people with alexithymia is based on the cognitive development of emotional awareness and it must be diagnosed and treated by a professional psychologist, as recommended by Dr. Rodríguez.
During the sessions that person will be helped to recognize and name emotionss, while strategies are provided to graduate emotions based on the magnitude of the events and the current coping style is reviewed.
Other emotional illiterates
The psychologists Gema Sánchez Cuevas and Valeria Sabater, authors of the book «Put a heart in your brain. Understand your emotions to live better “(The Sphere of Books) distinguish three profiles of emotional illiterate, who they describe as” a person who does not know or who has very little contact with the emotional universe. ” These would be:
Each filtering bag white knights. «Those people who are available to everyone except themselves. They prioritize the needs of others and say yes to almost everything they ask, “explains Sánchez Cuevas, who points out that what happens in this case is that they tend to hide their emotions and disappointments to appear strong and available. “And this comes at a cost,” he clarifies.
Each filtering bag crystal hearts. They are very sensitive people, with high empathy but also with a high emotional contagion. “They are immediately infected with the worries, anguish and needs of others, since they personalize everything,” he defines. The problem is that they feel bad because they are often not clear about the boundary between themselves and others.
Each filtering bag warriors with fiery armor. They are usually people with high resolution and motivation, but who do not see beyond your point of view. His motto is, as the psychologist explains, “you are with me or against me” and the point is that he has the emotional intelligence of a three-year-old child, so they often get angry and frustrated.
Although these profiles make it possible to identify certain types of emotional illiteracy, psychologists affirm that in reality an emotional illiterate can be anyone who is unaware of the emotional world and does not know very well what their emotions tell them and what they are for.