Contents
How to differentiate healthy gossip from pathological
Psychology
Wanting to know things about others is part of that innate curiosity of the human being. The problem appears when we project our unconscious frustrations in that gossiping y review towards the other and we put our own things at stake or we simply provide a version of events with which we make “a whole.” It is in this morbid aspect, as explained by Dr. Joan Ramón Soto, from Mundopsicologos.com, where people predisposed to criticism enjoy the pleasure that they speak badly of others. «Talking about oneself is getting involved, it generates emotion and joys or sadness giving rise to a certain degree of morbidity, but from a psychoanalytic point of view when we gossip about the other we are always talking about ourselves, but since we do not identify it, we project it outwards », Reveals.
In fact, it is always easier to “see the straw in another’s eye and not see the beam in ours.” Thus, regardless of the topic in question, we are talking about something that interests us and therefore we are talking indirectly about something about ourselves. One of the most interesting topics in gossip, as revealed by Dr. Soto is the topic of sexuality, who has slept with whom or what have been the causes of the separation of a couple, or what new couples have recently started a relationship … People become pseudo-researchers of the causes of certain situations in the lives of certain people . «When we speak of others, we believe that we live something of that in ourselves. Gossip is also an intimate way of seeing if what happens to you, you think or feel is normal and that is why we are so interested in seeing our own intimacy in others to verify both for the interest of others and for our own ”, reveals the expert.
Difference between healthy and pathological gossip
La rumor mill it can be funny as long as you don’t defame or lie. The key to identifying a healthy gossip resides in that this is not a way to move in our social relationships and that it does not occupy too much space in our lives. We could also say that gossip is healthy as long as it is something funny and does not involve damage or conflict.
The need to talk about others is such that some people have turned criticism and encouragement of gossip into a profession. In these cases, as the expert clarifies, it could happen that this way of acting turns against them and then they can be asked to take responsibility for the criticisms made.
The psychologist recommends paying special attention to behaviors in social media where everything can be viralized in a few hours and where a grain of sand can become a mountain. «A hoax caused by gossip can be dangerous. It is usually thrown with the perverse intention of causing pain indirectly, since the great majority of times the stone is thrown and the hand is hidden “, says Dr. Soto.
May reflect an “inner emptiness”
Who doesn’t like to talk about things they have seen or about someone’s style? As long as it does not serve to make a negative assessment of that person, one can have an opinion, according to Dr. Soto, but the intention is what counts. «Sharing the gossip is part of the social collective as a means of relating. Some of us are interested in being the order of the day with different informative news or literary work of a certain writer and others are interested in the evolution of the separation or divorce of others: is a way to divert attention from an unidentified inner emptiness“, reveals.
Be wary of gossips
The point is that sharing intimacies with a person who at some point has revealed to us confidences On the other hand, showing coldness with the subject, little sensitivity or lack of empathy will make us think that they can behave in the same way if we are the ones who reveal some confidence to them.
A good antidote To protect ourselves from gossiping people is to put what they tell us in quarantine, under observation, applying the filter of doubt observing and reflecting on what counts, how they tell us and who they are talking about, the pros and cons of those criticisms, what benefit you get from it, and why you need to explain it. If the gossip doesn’t suit you, be brave and kindly express to the gossiping person that you are not interested in the subject. This act of bravery empowers you as a person and frees you from entering that loop of degradation and low passions. Think that your intimacies and secrets can be violated if you put your freedom at stake, therefore take good care of yourself and many will take care of you. » advises Dr. Soto.
What if the gossip is you?
Dr. Soto explains that in reality our performance depends on the situation we are going through. «If gossiping is good for you and you have it identified but you cannot stop doing it because, for example, you have just separated and you have a need to gossip and you cannot help it because it causes you pain, ask yourself if it is just a specific and specific reflex action or if you is getting out of hand, then at this point you are surely going through an obsessive phase and you need to turn to a professional who can help you solve it with a series of psychological techniques and tools to be able to free yourself from that compulsion to control, “he clarifies .
A tip to start forgetting about pathological gossip is to stay away from your mobile phone and social networks for a while so that you can focus on yourself and ask yourself questions that make you think about what interests you and what will make you happier. So that you can begin to look inward by focusing on whatever is productive and satisfying. “It is time to reinvent yourself and bring out the best version of yourself,” recommends Dr. Soto. If this fails you then, try to be more radical and block all the information necessary to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. “The desire and persistence will make you gain self-esteem and strength to get rid of the pain caused by certain toxic practices,” he says.