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We are glad to welcome you, dear readers of Valery Kharlamov’s blog! I think that in the life of every person there are situations when you need to use manipulation in order to achieve success and your goal. And today I will tell you how to influence people without harming them, but getting what they want.
Top 11 ways
1. Address by name
The more often in a conversation you mention the name of the interlocutor, the more likely it is to get his favor. Only one important nuance — you should definitely either clarify or pay attention to how he introduced himself to you, so as not to experiment in declensions.
For example, a person may experience irritation and disgust when they are addressed as «Alexander», preferring simply «Sasha». So do not experiment and be amateur. Be sure to specify how more the person likes to be contacted, even if they are old friends. And by the way, I highly recommend reading this book, it is read in one breath, while it contains all the basic information about manipulation.
2.First the impossible
If you want a friend to definitely help you, first ask for something impossible, which for sure will seem very difficult for him to complete. I seem to say strange things, right? But in fact, after the refusal, the interlocutor will feel awkward and guilty because he did not help you, but at the same time he will believe that he made the right decision. And then, after waiting quite a bit of time, you can safely make your request, which in fact will turn out to be trifling for him and quite simple compared to the previous one. Do you think, feeling guilt and a desire to atone for it, can your interlocutor refuse to help you again?
3. What to do with ill-wishers
There is an interesting theory that if you have an ill-wisher, you should not get angry in response, you just need to ask him. Then, feeling that he was useful and did a good deed, he will begin to treat you better. There is even a legend about how this method was discovered. It turns out that Benjamin Franklin, as you know, is a very smart politician and diplomat, one day, in order to get the favor of a famous person, he asked to borrow a rare book. He agreed, and over time they even became friends, although at first they didn’t even say hello.
4. Compliment and Look for Similarities
If you openly flatter, not believing in your words, but wanting to please another, he will understand that you are trying to manipulate, and then the relationship will certainly not work out as expected. Therefore, look for those reasons and reasons that you yourself believe in, be sure to look for similarities, because they bring together and create the feeling that you have known each other for many years. Also, be interested in who you want to influence. It’s like with a name, any person is pleased with the interest in his person. Talking about your hobby and what gives pleasure and makes you happy, your interlocutor will begin to experience these pleasant feelings, which is only good for you.
In a good mood, we rarely refuse, especially those who turned out to be the culprit of happiness. For example, going into the office of a stern official, look around, what do you see? Family photos, diplomas, handicrafts? Say something about them, tell a story, joke… The main thing is to win his favor first, and only then get down to business. Even the most severe person will melt if you can detect his weakness. And for this it is important to be careful.
5. Imitation
Psychology has long studied mimicry, that is, the similarity between several organisms in order to protect themselves and preserve their species. For example, a stick insect looks like a twig, so birds do not peck at it. This also applies to the human world. So, if you want to influence someone, try to mirror their behavior, posture and gestures. Then he will feel the closeness between you and the similarity, and you will feel what mood he is in at the moment. Having taken his pose, you will understand in your own skin what exactly is happening to him.
Just repeat not very clearly so that the imitation is perceived at a subconscious level, and not a conscious one, otherwise you risk causing resentment and aggression. You can learn more about nonverbal communication in this article.
6. Right moment
In order to get an affirmative answer for sure, it is necessary to ask at the very moment when a person is in an exhausted state, tired and dreaming of peace. And even if he answers that he will think about it tomorrow, then 90% that he will agree, because such a minor agreement leaves very little room for stepping aside. Yes, and most people tend to keep promises, so to speak, keep their word.
7. Mindfulness
When communicating, use any means to show that you are listening carefully and supporting the interlocutor. Smile, nod your head often and say that you completely agree with his opinion. Put the questions in such a way that he has no options but to answer in the affirmative. And the more times he says “yes”, the greater the chance that he will agree to provide assistance even to a serious request.
8. Do not argue
Even if you disagree with some thoughts and ideas, you should not say it out loud. Otherwise, you will set this person against yourself, he will perceive your disagreement as rejection and non-recognition, which may well lead to conflict. It is better to ask questions in order to accurately understand his point of view, finding some similar positions. And as soon as you find them, immediately declare, so you show that you understand him and think in the same way. Based on similar points of view, add those nuances in which there are differences. Then the opponent will not take your words with hostility, and the likelihood that he will hear you will increase, making a choice in the direction of peaceful cooperation, not conflict.
9. Reflective listening
There is a technique that doctors actively use for our benefit, and it is called reflective listening. It is worth paraphrasing what you are told into a question, the answer to which will only be confirmation. This method gives a person the opportunity to understand that you treat him with sincere interest and understand like no one else, which will contribute to building trust in you. Now they remembered how doctors sometimes ask: “So what do you say, it hurts since yesterday and no painkillers help?”.
10. An offer you can’t refuse
To get consent, first ask for something frivolous, in which a friend will certainly agree to help and participate. Wait a few days and then voice your real request. This ability to influence people is widely used for marketing purposes. For example, they may approach you and ask if you care about the environment, and if they hear that yes, you are worried about the environment, you will instantly be offered to purchase any product that does not pollute nature. In 65% people agree to become buyers.
11. Speech rate
To suggest the necessary information, try to speak quickly and jump from topic to topic, in which case the person will not have the opportunity to process what he hears, and all the material will simply be deposited in the subconscious. And over time, he will share your opinion, taking long-heard ideas for his own.
Counteraction
It is important not only to be able to influence others, but also not to allow yourself to fall into other people’s traps, becoming a puppet. The environment is so insecure that people have to use cunning to survive and win the competition by getting what they want. Therefore, we use many manipulation techniques unconsciously, not even wanting to harm another. So you should always be on the alert, be attentive to your feelings and sensations.
As soon as you notice that during communication your state of health changes, you begin to feel, for example, guilt or pity, be sure to take a break, go to the toilet and think about why you are suddenly guilty. Why do you react in this way to the words of the interlocutor, and what is his motive, why does he cause you such feelings? Always, as soon as you suspect something is wrong, “turn on” the mind, logical thinking.
Examine all your weak points, by pressing on which other people gain power. And try to deal with your weaknesses, in extreme cases, knowing about them, you can suspend the conversation in advance. For example, a friend pressures you to borrow a large amount of money, manipulating the fact that children have nothing to wear and so on. You, of course, may be worried about other people’s children, but in fact who is responsible for them? To avoid getting hooked, always return responsibility for the consequences to those who are trying to control you. Yes, you are very sorry, you sympathize, but this is the life of another person and you cannot help. But this is in cases where they try to use you.
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! The factors pushing for manipulation are different, sometimes people just like to feel power over others, some people achieve their goal at any cost, and life, the well-being of those around them do not really care, so be careful and careful, do not let yourself and your loved ones be offended! And finally, I want to recommend the article «The most interesting features of non-verbal communication between people.»