Contents
Today it is customary to talk a lot about toxic partners and how communication with them affects our condition, but not only our chosen ones can behave in an unhealthy way, but also those whom we did not choose – parents. How to understand that this is your case?
1. They project their problems onto their children.
Many parents do not believe in psychotherapy and do not see the need to heal their childhood traumas, so they inevitably (albeit unintentionally) traumatize their children.
A depressed parent teaches a child not to trust others, a lonely parent teaches that love is a fantasy. And parents who constantly quarrel and humiliate each other in front of their children? Their relationship creates a toxic atmosphere in the family, because of which the child ceases to consider the world a safe place. The lack of an example of a healthy relationship before his eyes prevents him from subsequently making real friends and romantic partners.
2. They neglect the child’s hobbies, not understanding or sharing them.
Conservative parents insist that the child receive a classical education and follow the traditional career path. They are not ready to understand what they do not understand or what sounds to them like a “frivolous hobby.”
Not considering the interests of their children “prestigious” and “promising”, they do not encourage them to follow their dreams. They “strangle” children, confident that they know what will be best for them.
3. They put their needs first
Selfish parents are too focused on their own needs and interests and because of this they ignore the needs of the child. Moreover: if, for example, they have a hard day at work, they often take it out on children.
In addition, they devalue the experiences of the child: it seems to them that children’s feelings are nothing compared to what they themselves have to live through.
4. They don’t respect the child’s personal boundaries.
Violation of boundaries occurs under the sign of “love” and “concern for his own safety.” Such parents believe that an “eye for an eye” is needed for a child, and this forces the latter to severely separate, or withdraw into himself, or wear a mask pleasing to adults at home. The case ends either in complete submission out of fear, or in rebellion.
5. They don’t take responsibility for their actions.
Parents who are not ready to admit that they were wrong and try to figure out what they were wrong only delay the healing process – both for themselves and for the child.
The home environment remains toxic, and children continue to feel left out, misunderstood, and forced to pretend. By refusing to admit that they have harmed the child, parents inflict more and more wounds on him.
It’s never too late to change everything
Of course, there are no ideal parents: everyone makes mistakes. But once you recognize a repetitive script that hurts both you and your child, it’s important to try rewriting it before it gets too far.
Whatever parents go through, creating a safe, supportive, healthy environment for their child should be a priority. Otherwise, there is a high risk that children will grow up with a huge number of unresolved problems.
If, after reading this article, you have discovered toxic traits in your own parents, the first step should be to understand how the relationship with them affected your life and what you need to do to fix it.
It’s Important to Acknowledge: Your Parents Are Toxic
And this is most likely the reason for your greatest fears and feelings of insecurity and insecurity in yourself and in the world.
It is also extremely important to thoroughly study your “sore spots” and not let your parents step on your unhealed emotional calluses again and again. Your mother and father may never change, but it’s up to you to decide how much you let them into your life.
By setting firm boundaries in your relationship, learning the necessary self-help skills, and undergoing therapy, you will be able to permanently heal old scars and not repeat the mistakes of your parents with your own children.