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Hello dear readers! How often do you encounter the state when you are living your dreams? Do you put off the implementation of plans and eventually lose the feeling of a fulfilling life? In its extreme manifestation, such delays in the implementation of the plan are transformed into a syndrome of postponed life. In order not to be in the shadow of your own life, but to feel its fullness and taste, you need to understand the reasons for constant procrastination and find ways to reorient your strategy.
What is it and how does it manifest itself?
Psychology refers the syndrome of postponing life to depressive disorders and a spectrum of neurotic mental disorders. In the most severe cases and chronicity of the process, drug therapy and assistance in specialized institutions may be needed. However, in most cases, such drastic measures are not needed.
The very name of the syndrome largely reveals its essence. This is a state in which a person is not in the present. He constantly expects some event or prepares for it. A kind of internal ban on the feeling of happiness, or a full-fledged living of the present, can be provoked by the expectation of certain conditions.
When a person is determined to go to work only after receiving a complete higher education. Enjoying a day off only after a promotion. This is one of the clearest examples of delayed gratification.
The ability to express one’s own thoughts can be considered available only after reaching a certain social level or academic degree. Just like showing your true emotions can be taboo. A girl can postpone dating and the development of her personal life until plastic surgery. She considers herself unworthy and ugly. But for example, a young man can delay getting married until he accumulates a decent fortune and acquires a car and a house.
How to treat?
Treatment is relevant only in cases where a person has all the prerequisites for realizing his own needs in the present moment. When this is prevented not by emotional and psychological barriers, but by real life situations, then neither the presence of the syndrome nor its treatment is out of the question.
The negative side of the constant expectation of certain conditions negatively affects the quality of life and emotional well-being of a person. Moreover, the feeling that postponing helps to wait for optimal conditions in many cases leads to missing out on opportunities at the moment.
As a result, the more a person hides behind a screen and waits for an opportunity, the more he loses the time of a unique life allotted to him. If this becomes a habit, then not only the taste and inspiration of every day is gradually lost, but also the general meaning of existence.
Preparatory stage
In order not to miss the most important years and not to lose moments of happiness, it is necessary to begin to radically change the situation. At the same time, it should be understood that if you have not allowed yourself to act spontaneously for several years, limiting your activity and opportunities to expectation, then you will not be able to transform the situation in one day. It is necessary to understand the causes of this state and tune in to long-term inner work.
The first step is to admit to yourself that you have a delayed life syndrome. It is important to be able to distinguish between deliberate delay and withdrawal from real life from long-term plans, when a person continues to move towards the intended goal.
To understand what is happening to you, you need to do the following:
- remember and write down your dreams and goals for the past few years. You can take into account both long-term plans and daily small desires;
- next to each goal, write what exactly you are doing in order to get closer to what you want;
- Estimate the expected amount of effort put in and look for reasons why it wasn’t put in earlier.
Such an analysis helps to understand why you are avoiding a confrontation with reality. Various complexes, parental messages and script prohibitions dictated by society can pop up here.
Postponement syndrome is not an independent disease. It is always a consequence or a signal of the presence of an unresolved problem. It is on its solution that you will have to concentrate your efforts.
To overcome some difficulties, a little willpower will be enough. But to eliminate others, you will have to go through a rather painful process of psychotherapy.
Practical advice
You should not start active changes if you do not realize your problem. In many deep psychological traumas lies the answer why you should not break this state through force. The organism can lose the last resources and not withstand the collision with those moments from which it was protected by inaction.
If the preparatory stage is successfully completed, you need to start acting according to the plan drawn up in advance. Write down what you want to achieve. Include in the list of goals not only constructive and useful, but also entertaining. Don’t forget to set deadlines. Most often, it is the presence of a time frame that helps to find strong-willed efforts and increase motivation.
When choosing a target, adhere to the following rules:
- it must be realistic and achievable;
- the execution of the planned should depend only on you (or try to exclude the influence of external factors as much as possible);
- actions and acquisition of knowledge, as well as new achievements, should be based on existing interests and needs, which increases motivation.
The more your goals are directed towards the realization of personal desires, the easier it is to look for ways to achieve them. Agree, looking for an opportunity to learn a language if you want to visit another country is much easier than if the manual requires it without explanation.
My life comes first
Strive not to adjust your life to the performance of certain things. Look for these moments for their implementation in everyday life. If you hope that a favorable moment will come later, then you can not wait for it. In the same way, if you do not give yourself a rest in anticipation of a vacation, you can quickly burn out at work.
A 10-minute break to call important people and maintain relationships, a half-hour pause between different types of work for one’s own enjoyment, reading a book on courses of interest in the subway — these are all opportunities that a person often misses, postponing “better times”.
Rethink your habitual interactions with the people around you. The more often you tell them the truth (meaning a sincere attitude to what is happening, opinions, wishes), the more likely they will contribute to the realization of your plans. When you constantly adjust to others, wait for the right moment and try to fulfill other people’s requests first, then your life is left on the sidelines.
It’s more of a matter of priorities and time management. But in order to start using the existing mechanisms, it is necessary to prioritize one’s own life instead of someone else’s.
Start each day by thinking about how to live it to the fullest. For this you can:
- plan a few pleasures from the evening for the coming day;
- listen in the morning to your own needs and try to fulfill them;
- in every day look for 3 components: physical and moral pleasure, an investment in the future.
The more you are in your every day, the less will be the feeling of an empty life. The amount of happiness directly depends on how you spend the existing moment. It is impossible to sleep for the future or eat a month ahead. In the same way, you can’t wait for the optimal conditions to be yourself – you have to do it every day.
The need for psychotherapeutic support
Having figured out how to deal with the postponed life syndrome on their own, many feel a lack of strength already at the first stage. This is usually due to the fact that the reason lies in difficult emotional experiences, fear of life, previously received psychotrauma or a banal unwillingness to leave the comfort zone.
A therapist can help you deal with difficult emotions. At the appointment with a specialist, your level of self-awareness will increase. You will also begin to notice the problems that are present, and therefore the possibilities of getting out of difficult situations.
Remember that if apathy lasts for more than a year, and there are no visible reasons for the absence of one’s own life, this is a reason to seek advice from a neurological dispensary. Running conditions can turn into severe depression and nervous personality disorders.
Conclusion
I recommend you read the article on self-hypnosis and self-hypnosis. Perhaps it will be useful to you, in addition to this one.
Take care of yourself, enjoy every moment of life, be brave and unique. To make it all easier, subscribe to blog updates. Share and discuss new articles with your friends. Social media buttons are below. If you liked the article, then for me it will be the best thanks if you repost.
Until next time!