How to deal with snarky people: 6 useful strategies

Rate the situation

First of all, try to understand what is happening. Are they really trying to insult you?

Sometimes people resort to sarcasm to keep negative emotions — anger, annoyance, fear — from getting the better of them. Ridicule may be their weapon against unfortunate circumstances or a defense against possible attack from others. Knowing these differences is important if you don’t want to inadvertently scare off the interlocutor who just joked badly.

For example, you just missed your flight. «What to do now?» You say in a low voice. “Well, our vacation has already begun,” your companion replies. “We can put on flip-flops and start relaxing right here.” In his remark there is no lunge in your direction. Most likely, he is just trying to drive away annoyance. Think about what would happen if he complained and blamed you.

Your companion might react differently. For example: “Are we late? It’s strange, because you only spent an hour and a half to collect a cosmetic bag. ” Now that’s an outburst. But even here you should think: maybe he is right? Did you really take too long? In this case, you should ask the partner to explain what exactly he is dissatisfied with. Make it clear that you recognize the validity of criticism, but you are offended by the form in which it is expressed.

It also happens that in our environment there is a person who is constantly sarcastic and for any reason. Here are some ways to neutralize it.

Ignore the remark

The easiest way out. If the speaker’s intent was to offend you, you will deprive him of that pleasure. You can change the subject or talk to someone else. This will be a signal that you do not want to get involved in his game. Basically, don’t feed the troll.

Call for constructiveness

Why is sarcasm so hard to recognize? Often the interlocutor delivers an offensive message in the form of advice or friendly participation. According to Eric Berne’s transactional analysis, such a message operates at two levels — overt and covert. Clearly, the conversation could be between two internal Adults. But secretly, the inner Parent of your interlocutor speaks to your Child, chastising him. Your task is to return the situation to the level of Adults.

Don’t fall for hidden mockery

There is another way (if you know for sure that the interlocutor is mocking): defiantly ignore the hidden message. A snarky remark always contains two levels of meaning: literal and hidden. Bring the literal meaning of his words to the point of absurdity. But it is worth reacting this way only if the mockery does not require an explicit answer.

Parry the attack

You can seize the initiative in a conversation if you resort to sarcasm yourself. So you show the interlocutor that you also have a good command of his weapon. And besides, make him switch from his cue to yours. Keep in mind that verbal duel masters may take this as a challenge. And then you have to look for the answer to their next remark, and so on ad infinitum.

Let the interlocutor know that his behavior is unacceptable

Another easy way is to directly indicate to the interlocutor that he is behaving inappropriately. Starting to make excuses, you admit that there may indeed be something ridiculous in your behavior. When you question the words of the interlocutor, you deprive them of their power.

Find his motive

There are people who always sting out of habit. For others, sarcasm is a form of manipulation. Think about what your interlocutor’s motive might be. Maybe he’s trying to get attention? Or, on the contrary, with the help of sharp remarks, he wants to get away from discussing a topic that is uncomfortable for him. Perhaps he provokes you to lose your temper and lose face. By calculating the motive, you can choose the right behavior strategy.

And most importantly: be confident. «Trolls» feel doubts and play on them. Your equanimity in itself will be a good defense against provocations.