My daughter is 4 years old. Our family had to move abroad, because of which the daughter was very worried. As soon as she got used to a new life, our second baby was born and she has to go to school without knowing the language. She does not show jealousy for the baby, she loves him very much. But the behavior just got worse. Constant tantrums (which had never happened before), stamping feet and screaming. I started to fight with everyone. Even her beloved grandmother, having come to visit, did not recognize her. Previously, the child was enviably obedient, well-mannered, calm, but now it is a shame to go anywhere with her. We are all very tired of tantrums in the family. How to react to what is happening?
Olga, 25 years
How much has fallen on your daughter: moving to another country, the birth of a baby, a school with a foreign language. Each of these events is stressful for the child, and for your girl, such events follow one after another. I think that the bad behavior of the daughter is a kind of informing you about her uncomfortable state. Therefore, the child urgently needs your support and sympathy now.
Your family composition has changed and, therefore, the position of each of the family members has changed. Your daughter has gone from an only child to the eldest. Now she has to share with the baby maternal love, which previously belonged to her alone. This could not but affect the state of mind of the girl. It is necessary to clearly define what the eldest child in the family is. For example, this is someone who knows a lot and can do a lot compared to a baby, which means he helps his mother. This is someone who is already in school. This is someone who can be trusted to set the table. This is someone who watches cartoons. The girl must understand how her current position in the family differs from the previous one. But you, in turn, must not forget that the daughter, although she is now the eldest in the family, is still a small child and still needs attention, love, participation, and care.
As an example of tantrums and scandals, you spoke about the reaction of a girl to prohibitions. Of course, restrictions and prohibitions are necessary and important in the life of a child. But in order to avoid a violent reaction, first you need to emotionally connect with the child, express an understanding of his desires (“I see how you want to take a walk more, but we must go home”). By and large, the child already knows what he can and cannot do, but he really wants understanding and sympathy. Further, when imposing a ban on something, offer the girl a possible attractive alternative (“You can’t jump on the couch, you can jump here on the floor”).
It is also important to remember that a child cannot be taught a new behavior by explaining. It is necessary that he “pass through” the algorithm of actions in certain situations through himself. This is only possible in the game. Therefore, instead of talking, it would be good to “lose” situations with the girl that arise in everyday life. Let her see in the game how the doll acts “correctly” when something is forbidden to her, what the bear feels when he is beaten. Strength and patience to you!