Hello! Autophobia (monophobia, isolophobia) is a pathological fear of loneliness, especially common in the modern world.
Today we will analyze the main methods of dealing with this fear, as well as find out in what cases it occurs and by what symptoms it is easy to diagnose it.
What is it like?
Autophobia is at the top of the list of phobic disorders. People are subject to it, regardless of what social status they occupy, what gender or age they are.
No one is immune from the fact that at some point they will not begin to be afraid of loneliness, even if they have consciously chosen it for most of their lives.
When isolophobia is in a mild stage, it is not easy to determine it. After all, in principle, almost every mentally healthy person values relationships with loved ones.
And if you do not deepen, do not give in to self-analysis of these relations, then you can “slip through” the fact that they are, in fact, destructive.
And they do not end only because of the unwillingness to live the pain of loss and anxiety due to the unknown, how it will be further, separately, not in a pair with this person.
When this phobia takes a severe form, the consequences are quite serious. Since a person, even in the company of other people, can feel isolated, “torn off” from this world and useless.
What causes depression. It is not easy to live with such thoughts and feelings. Therefore, there are frequent cases of attempts to commit suicide, which, unfortunately, are successful.
An autophobe needs the constant presence of someone in their life. When he eats, he goes shopping, chooses curtains for the room and even takes a shower.
Therefore, in the literal sense, «grabs» for someone who is ready to give him so much attention. Because of this, he often encounters various kinds of addiction.
Both on the partner’s side and on his own, he can abuse alcohol, drugs or computer games. Since he will try to avoid reality, the feeling of uselessness, doom and uselessness in this world.
Mostly monophobia affects individuals from metropolitan areas, large cities. A large number of people around provokes the emergence of thoughts that you are alone in this world and no one needs you.
Quantity replaces quality. During the day there can be a lot of intersections with colleagues, acquaintances, friends. But with none of them you can not have time to feel the satisfaction of contact, an interesting conversation, and so on.
How is it manifested?
Somatic symptoms
- Rapid heartbeat and chest pain.
- Increased blood pressure.
- Nausea, vomiting, stomach pain and diarrhea. Difficulties with appetite are observed, it either increases, or vice versa, disappears until the complete refusal of food.
- Loss of consciousness, dizziness.
- Insomnia and nightmares.
Psychological symptoms
Self-distrust
Low self-esteem and inability to take responsibility for your life. It manifests itself even in such trifles as a lack of understanding of what you want at the moment in order to try to realize your desire.
Then, of course, there is the horror of the fact that it is not clear what to do in free minutes. Why do you have to “run away” from yourself to others, to do what is interesting and important for them. And feel dissatisfied with it.
In general, if you notice that you don’t relax alone, don’t try to think about the essentials, listen to your dreams and feelings, then it’s time to sound the alarm. In terms of starting to fight autophobia.
Obsession
A person does not know how to be in silence, peace. She needs constant communication with at least someone. And let it be empty chatter, the subject matter of the conversation does not play a role.
Why people around you will try to avoid such a person, you yourself know how much stress obsession causes.
But the attempt to distance oneself is perceived as a threat that now one will probably have to feel abandoned.
Therefore, the monophobe tries to keep the interlocutor at any cost and becomes even more intrusive, “tenacious”. A vicious circle, to overcome, to break which is almost impossible.
Blackmail and manipulation
To save the relationship if the partner tries to end it, blackmail and manipulation can be used.
For example, in every possible way he makes it clear that he is very sick, and he will not survive on his own, without help and attention. Or threatens to commit suicide if abandoned.
In general, he grabs every opportunity, just not to become abandoned. Ready to humiliate himself, sacrifice himself, endure violence and so on.
Promiscuity in partners
A person who does not have autophobia builds a relationship with a person who is attracted to him. With which similar values, characters and so on. And before meeting his «half», he chooses for a long time, listens to his own feelings.
But if the main goal is to avoid loneliness, then there can be no question of any choice. He is ready to rush into any arms, even if they were opened by the first comer.
Depreciation
There is no ability to get saturation. Any recognition of its significance seems to fall into a bottomless pit.
Therefore, he requires almost every minute of attention to his person, and if he does not receive it (at least for a banal reason — the partner is busy solving pressing issues), then he is offended, suffers and doubts the sincerity of the feelings of a loved one.
Aftermath
If you try to systematize the consequences that arise against the background of this phobia, then the following points can be distinguished:
- The emergence of any kind of addiction in order to muffle the horror and pain that arise when thinking about their uselessness.
- Destructive, that is, destructive relationships, into which an autophobe falls, if only not to be alone.
- Depression, somatization (diseases arising from experiences), insomnia, asthenia and suicidal tendencies.
- Loss of the meaning of life, its value and, in general, interests.
- Low self-esteem, propensity for victim behavior. That is, for example, he can get into situations where violence will be shown to him. Then the fear of being left alone will motivate to endure humiliation, beatings and other manifestations of cruelty, domination.
- Constant feeling of dissatisfaction. An autophobe will devalue a sincere interest in his personality, attempts to get closer, and so on. Because in his perception, for example, the manifestation of love and care takes place in a different form, not the same as he is presented with. Over time, this pushes people away, despite their feelings. It is difficult to constantly be in suspense, trying to prove that the other is valuable and important.
Causes
Psycho-emotional trauma and negative experience
It happens that after the death of a husband, wife, divorce, breakup, betrayal, and so on, a person begins to panic fear of loneliness. Despite the fact that he had never had such fears before.
If in the process of grieving a person could not cope with certain stages, feelings, then in the future she may begin to have problems in relations with other people, with herself and the world around her as a whole.
For example, trying to avoid the pain of parting, she will simply stop letting those who she likes in order not to fall in love.
Or vice versa, it will “grab” anyone who is nearby, regardless of how he treats her and in general, whether it causes any pleasant emotions and interest.
Fast paced
In today’s technology-driven world, there is little opportunity for people to pause and enjoy nature, each other’s company, and their lives in general.
To be on the wave of success and at least achieve something, you need to win huge competition.
This means that you are constantly under stress and do not always satisfy your needs. For example, the desire to feel intimacy and belonging with another person.
parenting style
Parents, without knowing it, from early childhood «sow the seed» of fear in the soul of their kids. Do you know how?
Intimidating that if they do not obey, they will be given to other people, to a boarding school, or even better, they will be left right here on a bench or in that park.
The most common style of punishment among men is to leave one baby in the room to think about his behavior.
And if he is afraid of the dark, then be sure to deprive him of the source of light in the dark, so that he learns to fall asleep on his own.
Excessive guardianship, lack of personal boundaries provokes the emergence of isolophobia. And all because there is no understanding, «where I end, and where the other person begins.»
Hyper-custody is a fusion, the child gets used to the fact that there is control over him, his actions. And that it is better for an adult to know what he wants and what is useful for him. Why does it seem that if this other does not exist, then he will die too.
After all, how will he cope with difficulties and harsh reality on his own, if he has always been protected from it? Growing up, such children then look for those who will continue to patronize them.
They get into a dependent relationship when there seems to be a loved one nearby, but at the same moment there is a lot of hatred and anger towards him. Because there is no more strength to be so close. And it is impossible to move away from it, because horror arises even at the thought of it.
Physiological causes
A tendency to phobic disorders may appear against the background of medical treatment of an infant due to a difficult birth of the mother.
Or if she had health problems during pregnancy, and it was necessary to take drugs that left, so to speak, their mark on the condition of the fetus.
Also, the development of autophobia is provoked by brain injuries and low levels of GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid).
Frustration of the child’s needs
When the needs of an infant are not met, or are partially met, he does not form a basic trust in the world.
It is contact with the mother or another adult who takes care of him that gives confidence that «I am accepted and loved, which means they will protect me.»
Lack of attention happens to “cold” parents, who themselves did not feel love, which is why they are not able to give it in return.
Also functional, that is, those who seem to perform their maternal or paternal functions, but are not included in the life of their child. The main thing for them is the availability of food, clothes and a bed. The rest don’t care.
Women experience postpartum depression, and if it is not supported, it will also be unable to meet the needs of the newborn. That is, it will not always respond to his crying, will not be able to recognize what exactly he needs at the moment, and so on.
It happens that a parent decides to adhere to a certain style of upbringing, so that, for example, not to spoil the baby, to accustom him to the harsh reality from a very young age, and so on.
And then he ignores his requests for attention, care. For example, he does not pick up when the child falls and cries from pain and resentment. He is not around when he needs help to fall asleep, read a fairy tale. Feeds on time, not when hunger arises and so on.
In principle, these are the main causes of autophobia. You will learn more about what else influences the development of irrational fears from an article devoted directly to this topic.
Treatment
Overcoming isolophobia on your own is almost impossible. So be sure to contact the experts.
With a psychologist, you can discover the reasons that led you to this disorder. As well as ways to interact with people so as not to repel them, on the contrary, to attract them.
During group therapy, you will receive support. You will understand that you are not really alone in this world, and that many more people experience emotions similar to yours. And they are also afraid to be alone with themselves, they are horrified by the thought that no one really needs and is not important.
The psychiatrist will prescribe medication. Thanks to which you will restore a full and high-quality sleep, relax and gain strength. And the mood also does not interfere with raising.
Constant stress and anxiety deprive the body of resources, and therefore health is destroyed. Antidepressants, neuroleptics, psychostimulants and sedatives are usually prescribed. But in no case do not self-medicate.
It is quite safe to practice techniques that reduce stress levels on your own. For example, breathing techniques, meditation, positive affirmations. On the site you will find detailed information on how to perform them.
Learn to listen to your desires, try to find a hobby that will bring pleasure.
By shifting the focus of attention from another person to your own personality, you will not only get rid of monophobia, but also get a lot of satisfaction from the realization of needs and pride in your achievements.
Completion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Finally, I would like to recommend articles on how to deal with dementophobia, hippophobia. Or, let’s say, what is the name of the fear of flowers in pots.
Psychology is an interesting science, so subscribe to the site and you will learn a lot more that will help you make your life more harmonious and happy.
Take care of yourself and your peace of mind!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina