How to deal with anxiety at parties

1. Set aside time to prepare

Plan in advance how you will relax before the party – ideally set aside several hours for this. Take this time for yourself. You can take a relaxing bath, read, meditate or exercise.

Decide on your outfit ahead of time: if there is a dress code, make sure you have something suitable in your wardrobe. Choose what will look good and in which you will not feel constrained.

2. Decide what to bring with you

If you are not sure whether it is appropriate to buy something for a common table – wine or dessert – you can ask the host about this or check with other guests if you know them.

3. Decide when you will arrive

If you’re socially anxious, it’s best to arrive early for parties and similar events so you can settle into an unfamiliar environment and get to know your guests as they arrive, rather than walking into a room full of people and getting bogged down in a string of names.

And by the way, do not scold yourself for not remembering the name of the interlocutor the first time – you can always ask again.

4. Think about how you will strike up a conversation.

If making friends isn’t easy for you in general, going to a party can be an ordeal. Look for a familiar face in the crowd, or approach someone who also looks lonely. You can start with general phrases like “The wine is just great”, “Have you tried those tartlets over there? Amazing.” Try to watch your body language: do not cross your arms, smile.

If the person is clearly not in the mood to carry on a conversation, approach someone else. Perhaps in the end you will be able to meet someone who will introduce you to the rest.

5. Consider conversation topics

Not all of us know what to talk about with others, especially with strangers. In this case, going to a party requires separate preparation. You can jot down a list of topics that you are willing to start and keep up the conversation about, such as new series on Netflix, shows on YouTube, music releases, yoga (but topics such as vaccinations, politics and religion are definitely worth avoiding, especially in an unfamiliar companies).

Look for points of intersection with other guests, and for this, try to ask open-ended questions – and be sure to listen carefully to the answer. To make sure that you understand the interlocutor correctly, you can repeat his answers, paraphrasing them.

6. Decide what you will eat and drink

Even if the temptation is great to drink more to relax and liberate yourself, try not to abuse alcohol – this can lead to unpleasant consequences. If you feel uncomfortable eating in front of other people, try something to eat before the party.

7. Do not refuse to participate in common activities

If the hosts offer some kind of game – for example, charades, “Crocodile” or “Twister” – do not stand aside. Your goal is not to win, but to have a good time and possibly meet other guests.

8. Develop Anxiety Reduction Mechanisms

Once in an unfamiliar place, find a place (for example, a balcony or a bathroom) where you can hide in case you suddenly have an anxiety attack. Practice deep breathing or meditation beforehand. If the owners of the house have allowed someone to bring with them, invite a friend who is aware of your condition and can help if necessary.

9. Decide what time you will leave

If we know exactly how much time we have to spend at the event, the evening ceases to seem endless and scare us so much. Determine the minimum acceptable for yourself, and if you like it and want to stay longer, do not deny yourself this.

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Parties can be draining, or they can energize – it all depends on how we treat them and in what state we come to them. Of course, if you are currently experiencing an episode of acute anxiety, visiting places with large concentrations of strangers may not be the best idea.

Listen to yourself and don’t do more than you can. Even if you confirmed your presence in advance, and on the day of the event you realized that it was beyond your strength, there is nothing wrong with refusing. On the other hand, try not to be led by your fear: otherwise, you will most likely not get anywhere for a long time. Seek balance.