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You must have met these people: they constantly describe what is happening in the darkest colors. If something went wrong with such a colleague, it is important for him that you urgently drop everything and listen to him. Worst of all, if he thinks that he can only complain to you: you will understand him for sure. How to be in such a situation?
The main problem with negative emotions is that they are contagious. One whiner in the team can radically change the mood of the entire team, and there will be no trace of the working mood. How to communicate with such a person without letting him unbalance you?
1. Try to understand the reasons for this behavior
Before you fight back against the “complainer”, try to put yourself in his or her place and understand why this person behaves this way, what is his goal.
HR specialist Gregory Toll is sure that office whiners usually either just want to be listened to or are looking for someone who will share their dissatisfaction. As a rule, they themselves do not believe that the problem that worries them can be solved.
You may have noticed that this year, colleagues began to complain to you more often. It is not surprising. “Due to the pandemic, the state of fear and uncertainty, many of us are experiencing more stress than usual,” explains psychologist and career coach Cecily Horsham-Bracethwaite. In this case, it is not so difficult to understand what drives the “whiner”.
2. Try to convey your goals and objectives to the “complainer”
If every time you’re alone with a colleague, he or she complains to you, and you’re fairly close to each other, Horsham-Bracethwaite suggests trying the following.
Say that in the coming year you want to work on communication with others: “You know, I suddenly realized that many people talk more about problems than about what they succeed, and this negatively affects my mood. My goal next/this year is to find balance. It would be great if you could help me with this.”
So you can take a more active position in the conversation, and at the same time figure out why you are the one who attracts the “complainer” so much. What is the benefit to you personally? Maybe, carrying this cross, you feel needed, significant? Are you proud to be referred to?
Until you figure this out, you will continue to meet the needs of others, ignoring your own needs.
3. Tactfully try to end the conversation.
If you’re not too close with the person you’re talking to, it may be easier to gently end the conversation. Tell a colleague that you heard him and understand why he is so upset, but now, unfortunately, you need to take on an urgent task. If you do this every time, most likely, sooner or later the interlocutor will understand that it is useless to complain to you.
4. If you want and can, help a colleague
For some people, complaining is an absolute necessity. Only by blowing off steam and crying into someone’s vest can they finally take on a seemingly too difficult task and do the impossible. In such cases, the expert advises to allocate special time for complaints: “Do not let the “complainer” occupy the entire airwaves: actively listen to him, sympathize, and then move on to other topics.”
Another category of colleagues complains to get specific advice, such as toxic management behavior or unfair pay. To help such a person, ask as many questions as possible – this will help you properly understand the situation and recommend something.
Perhaps you can really help the interlocutor look at the situation from a different angle or complete his picture of what is happening with the missing fragment.
Of course, it is curious to understand why some people complain, while others in similar situations do not, but it is much more important to pay attention to your own behavior and try to figure out why you react to complaints in this way and not otherwise, do you help a person if you just listen to him , and whether it is possible to change something in your behavior so that everyone will end up better.