How to create a relationship with love

Everyone is well aware that feelings are needed to create a relationship with love. But few people remember that on their own, without the support of feelings, they exist only for a while, and then subside, go out. In order for relationships to please you and your partner for a long time, you need to invest in them, you need to deal with them.

What do we need from a relationship?

There are a number of general recommendations that allow you to make relationships stronger and more joyful.

For example, it is important to be every day for a loved one in the role of Parent, Adult and Child. If you forget about it, and you are constantly in only one role, then the relationship may fade. See →

Also, each of us has our own idea of ​​love. There are pictures of love that describe how things should be. There are love languages ​​through which we are accustomed to give and receive love. And in this regard, there are certain requirements for relationships.

It is important for him that She looks good, always be beautiful and sunny. And the warmth and closeness of relationships is more important to her, so that you can dream together and share the most intimate. He feels loved when he is taken care of, when there is a delicious dinner and his hair is stroked. And she wants to receive love through gentle hugs and touches.

Knowing the needs of a partner gives us the opportunity to take care of him, to make him happy. And in order to find out these needs, it is enough just to be interested in his desires. At the same time, remember that if you ask too general questions, for example: “What do you want from our relationship?”, Then the partner is likely to give the same general answer: “I want everything to be fine with us!” Questions should be extremely specific, about one small area. For example:

— Dear, how do you want me to meet you from work?

Sun, how would you like us to spend our free time in the evening?

I don’t call you too often during the working day?

As a result, you should receive such an answer so that it becomes clear to you what exactly needs to be done so that the partner is satisfied:

— When I come home from work, I want you to joyfully come running to me, smack on the cheek and say: “I was waiting for you, I was waiting for you!”

— I want you and me to walk together in the evening. Somehow I don’t really want to walk alone, but next to you I can walk for at least an hour!

I’m glad when you call me at work. But sometimes it distracts me from important things. It would be more convenient for me if you called me during lunch, and at other times only on important matters.

When it became clear to you what your partner expects from you, then you just have to start doing it. Making it easy and joyful, filling your relationship with care and love.

What do I need from a relationship?

It is important to know what our partner wants from the relationship. But it is equally important to know what we want from the relationship ourselves. As a rule, there is a certain general image of “big and bright love”, and what exactly stands behind it is not so easy to say. This image needs to be clarified and concretized. See →

Scenarios

Scenarios are those kind of games that we are used to playing in relationships. The scenario in a relationship is in many ways similar to the usual scenario, there are also certain roles and the corresponding words, intonations, feelings. This is a kind of theater of relations.

For example, each of us can have such scenarios as «Warm hugs», «Coquetry», «Date», «Jealousy», «Gratitude».

Scenarios are absorbed by us from childhood, from parents and others, from books and movies. Often they are not realized and are seen as something taken for granted. And although many scenarios may seem natural and correct to us, it is important to remember that not all of them are good in themselves, and not all of them are good in relationships with any particular person. Scenarios are not a given, they can be adjusted or changed to others.

Good Scenarios

Scenarios are different — successful and not very good. Some bring warmth, love and stability to relationships, while others rather destroy them.

If a girl believes that her boyfriend should be offended by the serious mistakes of her young man, then such a scenario of hers is unlikely to strengthen relations. If a guy is jealous of his girlfriend for any man she talks to, then there is a high risk that they will soon break up.

It is important to track the usefulness of the scenarios that you use and remove the harmful ones from your life in time.

In addition, it is good to have a rich supply of successful scenarios.

How to have a confidential conversation with a loved one? How to correctly tell him that he is wrong when he raises his voice at you? How to meet him from work, put your feelings in order, make your evening warm?

Few people have a complete set of scenarios for all occasions of living together. This is not taught in school, and what is acquired from life is not always successful. Some useful scenarios can be learned from books on family relationships or gleaned from trainings on related topics. Something can be gleaned by looking at the relationship of friends and acquaintances. The main thing here is not to be lazy and constantly replenish your piggy bank with new and interesting scenarios. We all, to some extent, expect a fun game and joyful emotions from a love relationship. It makes life richer, brighter and more interesting.

Coordination of scenarios with a partner

Different people may have different scenarios for the same action or event.

For example, one sees the scenario “Our Morning” as calm, measured, with a gradual awakening and inclusion in life, while for another it is immediately something cheerful, lively, with exercises and a contrast shower.

If the scenarios of the partners do not match, misunderstanding, protests, conflicts may arise. Therefore, it is important to pre-negotiate and coordinate with each other any even the best scenarios.

For example, do you know how to act if your partner is sick? There may be various options here. Perhaps he needs increased attention and care. Or maybe he wants to be left alone and not touched. Or is it important for him that no special attention is paid to his illness, and that he is treated as healthy?

Implementation of scenarios

​​​​​​​Not every partner can immediately realize even the most successful scenario. This is akin to theatrical art, where the ability to play various roles is required.

For example, a man may have a commanding voice, he worked as a boss for a long time. And now he does not know how to make his voice soft, warm, loving.

Relationships with love require the ability to do them through movements, face, voice. It requires the ability to launch and win back the right emotions. And you can learn this not only in relationships, but also in everyday life, when communicating with colleagues, friends and relatives. A warm smile is equally important in personal life and communication at work. This is additional work, but it allows you to open new horizons, to make the relationship really deep.

Continuous work on relationships

If you plan to make your relationship long-term, then be prepared to engage in it every day. Without proper attention and care, relationships begin to wither and wither. Just as every day a person needs food, relationships need some nourishment.

Therefore, in a long-term relationship, in addition to all of the above, a certain discipline is also important. Here, as in work, if a person starts to be lazy, comes to work at the wrong time, does not fulfill the tasks assigned to him, then very soon he will be offered to leave this job.

So train yourself to take care of your loved ones every day. Create a sunny mood. Remember what is dear to your partner in a relationship, and give it to him. Collect and play beautiful love scenarios! Create, improvise, build your relationships! This is a wonderful work that will delight you for many years.

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.