How to control yourself and your emotions

People who can control themselves and their emotions are amazing. These are people who know how to remember their goals and not be distracted by trifles, who are able to act adequately when others lose their heads and who know how to remain calm in the most difficult situations.

Where does all this come from? No one will tell you exactly, I will share here what I personally came to in 30 years of researching this issue. Offhand, ten percent is what is determined by our physiology. Children are born different, people have character accentuations. The excitable type cannot cope with his impulsiveness, the labile type is prone to moods, the psychasthenic is afraid of everything, the epileptoid himself scares everyone with his anger, changes in the hormonal background change the nature and type of emotional response.

The rest, that is, 90%, is given by education — and self-education. There are three basic habits that give us control over our emotions, and it is not difficult for you to assess for yourself how much these habits are already yours.

The first habit is the habit of keeping a cheerful format, and not getting upset and sour. This is what any army starts with when accepting recruits: standing still, not lounging, turning your shoulders and not slouching, eyes on the commander, and not wandering around, listening to what they say, and not being distracted, answering what is supposed to be, and not grumble or complain. The movements are clear and energetic, the eyes are attentive, the intonations are peppy. When this is inscribed into the body during months of training, the body will stop rattling and begin to obey the owner. This is what creates the real basis of self-control.

This is an extremely simple and absolutely clear sign: either a person owns his body and is used to controlling it, or not. If there is no physical control, psychological self-control is also impossible. If you see a rattling in the body, you will not be mistaken in assuming impulsive reactions, mood swings and uncontrolled emotions in a person. In this case, the body completely determines the features of our behavior.

Hint: if you are not in the army, then the most useful thing at hand for the development of the body format is dancing. And, more broadly — sports! Look Love your child — accustom him to sports!

The second habit is the habit of living not with feelings, but with the head. It’s not that you shouldn’t have emotions, but the understanding that emotions should be your tool. It is rather a philosophy of life, these are your values ​​and beliefs, according to which important issues should be resolved deliberately, calmly and reasonably, and not under the dictates of feelings. There are people who are not close to this, who call their impulsiveness spontaneity, who like to live with feelings, but it’s boring to live intelligently. This is their choice, but they have to pay for this choice by the fact that with such a philosophy of life it is difficult to control their feelings. For more information about the correct attitude to emotions, see the article Left and right emotionality.

The third habit is the habit of acting constructively in any difficult situation, and not giving up. Experiential people mess around when things are going well and suffer when problems arise. Active people live differently. If there are problems, active people turn on their heads and solve them. If the problems are solved and everything is in order, active people move forward towards the goals. What lifestyle do you prefer?

The more free time people have, which they do not know what to do with, the more they are prone to depression. When you are busy, you have no time for worries, and the best way not to be tormented by unnecessary worries is to get busy. If you know what to do, do it. If you don’t know, think. If you have to think for a long time, but the decision still does not come — take a break, do other things for the time being, but sitting, doing nothing and worrying is the last thing. A hymn to the suffering idlers — article How to suffer from unhappy love.

In total, your habits and life principles are simple: I never give up, I always think, always in business. And — go ahead!

Note that these habits are not psychological at all: they have no depth, no mystery, they are simple as a stool. This is what surprised me the most about successful business people: they don’t know (and don’t want to know) what it means to “accept what happened”, “live here and now”, “scooping out pluses”, keeping a “success diary” and other traditional psychological techniques for normalization of the internal state: they do not seem to need them. That’s right, it is. If these three basic habits are built into you, you are confidently protected from most negative experiences and do not need psychological help.

Yes, you really don’t need it. Tanks are not afraid of dirt. What bothers and burdens others does not bother you: you solve problems as they arise and calmly move on.

If you haven’t developed these habits yet, you need to move in two directions at the same time: still master these habits and at the same time master the science of practical psychology. I can put it more clearly. Choose:

Either master these three simple skills, or you will spend your whole life sorting out your complex psychological problems.

Your choice?

In any case, you are on the Distance, a coaching system of step-by-step personality development. See you!