How to conduct complex dialogues in a crisis: what is the danger of a “position from above”

The crisis does not stop life and business, but promotes disunity and conflict. Evgeny Smolkin from Business Speech told how to reduce the degree of tension in working conversations

Recently, most people are in a state of stress, and those phrases that were previously widely used now cause negativity and rejection. The current environment develops a sense of uncertainty, and often hopelessness. Under these conditions, the quality of managerial communication is especially important – the ability to soften criticism and give adequate feedback.

The pursuit of excellence: what is the danger

The use of the “position from above” is in the top 3 of all causes of conflict situations.

Superiority in communication is manifested when the interlocutor uses a condescending tone, categorical, imposes his opinion.

If you ask executives if they exhibit this behavior, most will say no.

However, it is better seen from the outside. For subordinates, this can manifest itself in the following way.

• You tend to only set tasks. Even in feedback or delegation, you do not use employee motivators (for example, employees can be motivated by a creative approach to the task, a wider area of ​​responsibility, the opportunity to prove themselves, career growth, the opportunity to complete the task on their own or, conversely, in a team, etc.) .
• You tend to control tasks and regularly request status, including experienced employees: “Well, what is there? When will it be done? In such cases, you can set intermediate monitoring points: “Report the status at 17:00 today”, “As soon as there is news from partners, let me know so that I understand the situation.”
• You tend not to communicate the reasons for your actions. Managers leave this moment behind the scenes of communication, and employees may perceive monitoring as excessive control. Using the phrase “because” and telling you what the information is for (even at the banal level “so that I understand the situation”), according to one study, improved the constructiveness of communication by 30%.
• You tend to criticize any opinion. To the advice, you respond with “Yes, but…” explaining why the advice doesn’t apply. This creates a contradiction among the employees: “Why did you ask, if you criticize and act in your own way.” Better state: “Yes, good idea! How can we get around this moment?

The construction of “yes, but …” in feedback

Particular attention should be paid to the widespread phrase “yes, but …”, which leads to the fact that subordinates do not accept the opinion of the leader. Leaders often say: “You did a great job, you did a great job, but you didn’t complete it on time, there are shortcomings, etc.” First, negative moments often sound brighter and more voluminous than positive ones. Secondly, “but” in speech immediately devalues ​​what was said earlier.

What in return?

• Use gratitude or praise for the positives of the work. For example: “Thank you for promptly launching the project, contacting suppliers, etc.” Two or three facts will be more than enough to not delay the transition to corrective feedback. If there are few positive facts, then one specific fact is better than several general ones.
• Move on to the corrective feedback component: “I want to discuss what the delay is due to…”, “It is important for us to launch the project on time…”, “The only point that confuses me is…”.
• Ask for the opinion of the employee, listen to him. In this way, you will gain a more accurate understanding of the situation and make a more informed decision. In addition, you will learn how the employee assesses the situation: will he make excuses, shift the blame on others, talk about the actions he has taken to correct his work on his own.
• Describe what result and what actions of the employee you want to see in the future. So you will concentrate not on criticism, but on the necessary behavior of the employee.

Differences in the emotional state of interlocutors

As a rule, leaders do not take into account the emotional factor. They care about the content of the conversation. However, in the current realities, he plays a major role.

According to neuropsychologists, the perception of a conversation by an employee depends on the emotional balance on the “feeling threatened-encouragement” scale.

Suppose you are discussing the status of the project, possible shortcomings. You have coped with stress, decided to maintain a rational position, and your interlocutor is in an emotionally unstable state due to current events. Your position can be read by him as a position of alienation, emotional coldness and will cause a negative reaction and labeling: “He is a cracker, people are not important to him, he only thinks about his own deadlines.” That is why, before starting a dialogue, it is worth assessing the emotional state of the interlocutor, using a short small talk, setting the context and rules of the conversation: “I want to discuss the current status of the project and decide on further steps.” Or: “It is important for me to first hear your opinion in order to make an informed decision.”

The leader should attach special importance to intonations and speech. Increased tone, sharp jerky phrases, the words “urgent”, “quickly”, “important”, “necessary”, energetic gestures – all this creates a feeling of emotional tension. When the external situation is neutral, it speeds up the execution of tasks. But in an ambiguous and stressful environment, this creates a feeling of panic and aggressiveness.

At times like these, it’s best to:

• lengthen phrases;
• alternate between a clear statement of tasks and a measured style of conversation;
• make more pauses in speech;
• convey calm confidence.

Emotional climate in the team as a prevention of complex dialogues

In the 2000s, psychologist Marcel Losada, studying project teams, came to the conclusion that one of the key factors in their effectiveness is the ratio of positive and negative moments in the interaction of team members.

Negative factors include reproaches, insults, punishments. Positive – praise, compliments, support, approval.

The ratio of positive to negative in the team was called the “Losada ratio”. The most effective teams worked with Losada number values ​​from 2,9 to 7. This means that there should be at least three times more positive phrases and actions in the team than negative ones.

In our country, this figure is always in doubt: “What, should I praise them for everything, even if they don’t work well?” An important nuance is that all positive reinforcements count: a smile, a friendly pat on the shoulder, jokes and general laughter, phrases of gratitude, an elementary “thank you”, calls: “We are great, we can handle it,” etc.

The task of the modern leader is to regularly praise and support his team in order to point out critical moments at the right time. This will allow you to build a credibility and strengthen your credibility: employees value not only truth and accuracy, but also safety and constructiveness in communications.