Advise N.I. Kozlov and Marina Smirnova
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Adult children, especially a son, sometimes meet their mother’s desire to marry some stranger without enthusiasm …
The woman says:
My son is an adult, he is 19 years old. My man comes to our house for the second time, and my son started at him, like, “Who are you here ?!” He is against it, makes noise, scandals, runs into a fight, and then he takes it and calls the police: «My mother’s boyfriend came and beats me.» What happened next? Men arrived with machine guns: “Who is beating a child here?” He comes out, and the police actually see not a child, but a completely adult young man … Apparently, they quickly tried on the situation for themselves — they, too, can try to build relationships with some women, but such young people will stand up to them road — and just ran into him: “Are you against your mother? What right do you have to divert state bodies to all sorts of nonsense? We can pick you up…” They yelled at him and left. This one got scared. Then a normal conversation began with him …
Well, is it possible to talk to your son without the police? How? Possible conversations:
— Tell me, please, son, you are already an adult, you are 17 years old. Do you plan to stay in a mother-son relationship, or become a separate person?
— Mom I love you. I am your son.
— Thank you, son. Can I hug you, I am very pleased, and I would like to continue to love you and take care of you. But in this relationship, you respect me, care for me, and love me. Being of sound mind and solid memory — do you confirm this?
— Yes.
— I found a person who will be my favorite, who will be my man, who will help me and you. Question for you: will you treat him with respect if I ask you to?
— Yes, I understand you. Well!
Son, I have a request for you. The question is important to me. I want to live with Alexei, I want him to become my husband, I want to marry him. So far, everything seems to be fine with us, but no one can say what will actually happen in life. We discussed the Family Agreement questionnaire with him, it seems that we have similar views on most issues, however, I am very worried about what will happen. I have a request to you — support me. Help me. If you manage to establish normal relations with Alexei, I will be much calmer, because God forbid you and Alexei do not have a relationship, then I just hang myself. I do not want to be alone, and without your help it will be difficult for me. Do you think we can do it together?