“To do this, you need to grow a cynical scale inside yourself that will allow you to minimize your personal losses, save strength and preserve your health,” says artist Sasha Galitsky, who has been leading creative circles in nursing homes for more than ten years.
Not one — I emphasize — not one of the huge number of old elderly people with whom I have had the good fortune to communicate for the past two decades, not one of them I will call an adequate person. This means that they are all different from ordinary people, normal and conforming to the generally accepted norm.
What has been said looks like a terrible savagery. Maybe even cruelty. But it’s true. Elderly people live in other, different from ours, coordinate systems. Maybe they have more than one of these systems. Maybe their senile coordinate systems differ from each other. I don’t even know when people move from one coordinate system to another. But it is absolutely clear to me that these systems are not like ours.
Yes, most of them are interesting to talk to. Yes, they remember stories and facts that we never dreamed of — we just didn’t even exist back then. Yes, they can love, joke, read, sing songs, dance, watch TV, eat, drink — just like us. But they are different, and they are not like us.
If we want to remain needed by loved ones, it is important not to hurt ourselves. Otherwise, we will not be able to help, and all efforts will be in vain.
And it’s not a disease, folks. This is old age.
Why am I reporting this? In order for you to understand that when communicating with older people, you need to grow such a cynical scale inside yourself that will minimize your personal losses, save strength and preserve health.
What is it compared to? Let’s take a scientist for example. Let’s say he’s exploring some moon rocks. With all his love for nature, he is not a fool to put these pebbles in matchboxes and put them under his pillow at night to dream about other worlds. He works in a special suit and gloves, and these wonderful minerals are stored in a hermetically sealed glass flask. Otherwise it is impossible.
That’s how we are. If we want to remain needed by loved ones, it is important not to hurt ourselves. Otherwise, we will not be able to help, and all efforts will be in vain.
How it’s done? Very simple. I have already said — to grow scales inside, so that all insults and reproaches do not penetrate inside. To be strong, or at least appear to be. Do not show if insults and reproaches still managed to hurt you. Then he will live. You will need a lot of patience, just a lot. It’s important not to show it.
And most importantly — remember that in the coordinate system in which your loved ones are now, they do not really understand your words, actions and deeds. They just react to heat. And if you do not have the strength, if you are offended and suffer yourself, if all your feelings are disheveled, then what kind of warmth can you share?
That’s it. Take care of yourself.
Everything about how to communicate every day with old people and not go crazy is in the book by Sasha Galitsky «Mom, do not cry.»