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They are all around us. Whatever we call them – energy vampires or neurotic personalities, they are able to bring chaos into our lives, deprive us of strength and energy. Unless, of course, we take action.
Energy vampires are neurotic people who suffer from personality disorders. They have a number of distinguishing features. As a rule, they:
- seek to violate your boundaries;
- create drama out of everything, even if there is no reason for it;
- overly critical, looking for flaws and finding fault with everything;
- chronic complainers and whiners who are difficult to please;
- eternal debaters, for them to agree with you at least in something is a real problem;
- demanding and capricious like children for whom the word “no” simply does not exist;
- they look at everything pessimistically, they see bad omens everywhere;
- incapable of taking responsibility for anything, blaming everyone and everyone for their problems.
Even one such person at work can become that “black sheep” that will spoil the whole herd.
Being next to him, you will very soon feel how his problems become yours and you devote the whole day only to them, forgetting about yourself and your affairs. This is also the hallmark of an energy vampire – to absorb your will, to subjugate it to himself. This must not be allowed.
Here are three simple steps that will help you protect yourself if such a fan of other people’s energy appeared on the horizon.
1. Determine that you are in the attention of an energy vampire
At the first meeting, it is not so easy.
Their snarky comments and eccentricities may intrigue you at first, their fresh gossip and juicy details will keep you waiting for more.
You will take the light veil of drama and mysterious suffering that surrounds them as a sign that you have a deep and extraordinary personality next to you, and stories about their difficult fate and haunting failures will evoke sympathy and a desire to take you under your wing.
Soon, however, you will have a strange feeling that something is wrong here. Don’t ignore him. After meeting and talking with an energy vampire, it may seem to you that you are very tired, you have a headache, or for no reason at all you feel sad.
Sometimes something can confuse you in the look that he threw at you. It hurts his heart, it’s not clear why. What bottomless eyes, what an attentive look, you think.
Don’t dismiss your feelings, whether it’s a sudden stiffness and tension in your muscles or a strange chill and anxiety. These are signals from your body that you need to be attentive to what is happening.
2. Limit communication and clearly define your boundaries
If you can’t completely stop communicating with an energy vampire, limit the amount of time you will communicate with him directly. This is not so easy if the energy vampire is one of your family members or colleagues.
The best strategy is not to offer solutions to his problems, but to give all possible emotional support.
If you already know that each of their stories will turn into a Mexican series or tragedy with an overture and bass profundo on stage, it’s better to say at the very beginning: “I have a few minutes, and all this time I have been listening to you carefully. But then I need to do (then paste what you need). Then, when the time is up, excuse yourself politely and go about your business.
3. Don’t let yourself be dragged into the quagmire of his problems.
Your first impulse is, of course, to help solve the many problems that the energy vampire tells you about. If you think you can do it, in fact it is almost impossible. Even experienced psychologists cannot always turn the conversation into a practical direction and stop the flow of complaints.
The energy vampire will either deny all the ways you suggested to solve his problem, or present you with ten more new misfortunes. He will perceive an attack on his problems as an attack on part of his personality, and there is some truth in this.
An energy vampire needs your energy. Don’t wait for him to pick her up. Give him the energy that you need to share with people and that does not decrease from this. Act proactively. Express your participation with maximum warmth, even with excess.
The best strategy is not to offer any solutions, not to be drawn into an exhausting discussion, but to give all possible emotional support. For example, if there is a colleague next to you who constantly needs your help, guidance and wants you to take responsibility for any of his questions, say: “I am sure that you will find the right solution. You are such a good guy. I’m with you, I believe in you,” and get back to your business.
What to do if your energy is drawn out by the “eternal whiner”
Your colleague has just returned from lunch. “Imagine, they gave me a glass with chips, the juice had some strange aftertaste, probably because it was actually diluted with tap water. In addition, I saw some stains, which means that it was not washed well. Why is something always happening to me?” How to react?
- See the source of the problem. Despite the fact that the whiner approaches you with the relentlessness of a steamroller, he himself considers himself quite a nice person who, for some unknown reason, always loses in the game with fate. Therefore, he sees the world as hostile, and he himself, in his opinion, responds quite normally to events that aggravate his life. Even those chronic complainers who are aware of their huge stream of complaints firmly believe that their failures and everything that they have not been lucky with in life justify expressing dissatisfaction with what is happening around them. In the end, it was they who suffered all the hardships, and not the rest.
- Understand what the chronic whiner wants. He complains to others because he is looking for sympathy and emotional support. In other words, whiners want you to confirm their hard life experience by saying that yes, indeed, the glass is chipped, and the water is most likely poured from the tap, and that they need a good night’s sleep in order for the body to successfully resist microbes. , which are probably hiding in a stain on the glass.
- sympathize. The quickest way to save yourself from his monologue of incessant displeasure is to sympathize, acknowledge the feelings of the whiner, agree with him and express sympathy, and then pay attention to the pressing matters. However, it is possible that in a minute his cry will follow: “No, this is unbearable! The printer has jammed the paper again!”