Mothers go through a difficult transition when their child gets married. They are forced to adjust to a new relationship with their son and forge bonds with the person who has become the most important thing in his life. These 25 tips from a psychologist will help you build and maintain a strong relationship with your daughter-in-law.
The topic of the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law arises in our everyday communication very often — and this is an indicator of its eternal relevance, and for both parties. The tension between the mother of a man and his chosen one is inherent at the natural level, as well as jealousy, for example. But folk wisdom says that a bad peace is better than a good quarrel — and in this case it is worth considering this. If you wish, you can make life better — both your own and your beloved son’s.
So can you just get along with his wife? Anything is possible, but it takes effort. Here are 25 tips on how to be a good mother-in-law.
1. Be open when you first meet. The first impression on both sides is an important point. The key is to ignore any initial and hasty judgments you may have. The likelihood that everything will go smoothly depends on what kind of person she is and whether she wants to get to know you better. It may not be obvious at first — your son’s wife may be shy, reserved.
2. Respect her relationship with your son, don’t compete with her — and don’t scold her to him. You may lose this battle.
3. Respect her relationship with her mom and don’t try to compete. Accept that her mother also wants to take care of the children and their family. Better make friends — most likely, you are the same age and will always find something to talk about.
4. Respect her parenting style, even if you don’t agree with it. Much has changed since you raised your children, the new generation is trying to move away from the stereotypes that you are used to. Earn your sister-in-law’s trust by playing by her rules when you’re with the kids.
5. 99% do not leave negative comments. Restraint has never hurt anyone.
6. Treat her like a daughter. Whether or not your daughter-in-law is the person you envisioned as the perfect match for your son, it is important that you welcome her into the family and try to get to know her as a person.
7. Be respectful of her hobbies and work.
8. Be involved and open. The best relationships are built on trust, openness and good communication. If you are willing to offer support and non-judgmental advice when needed, your daughter-in-law will see you as someone she can rely on.
9. Communicate with wisdom. Communication is important, but it is even more important to know what and how to say and when silence is truly golden.
10. Remember that building strong relationships takes time. Building positive relationships is something to work on, no matter how much you want them to bloom overnight.
11. Relations with the daughter-in-law will depend on many factors.:
— her own family situation,
— your willingness to open up and trust her, and vice versa,
— geographical distance between you,
How close are you to your son?
12. Spend time with her. Invite over for coffee, join an activity, or go for an afternoon stroll.
13. Sometimes involve your son in communication. Talk to your son if you think he can help strengthen the relationship. Getting to know the person who means so much to your adult child can be challenging. But general attempts to build good relationships will help you relax, and the daughter-in-law will receive evidence that you should not expect trouble from you.
14. Accept her flaws and respect her opinion. No one is perfect, so there will undoubtedly be times when the daughter-in-law will cast herself in an unfavorable light or take a point of view that you do not agree with. It is important not to go beyond ethics and not try to impose your opinion.
15. Understand that you don’t always have to agree. Unfortunately, the likelihood that you and your sister-in-law will agree on everything is rather small, but if you accept this fact, it will help build a positive relationship based on love and acceptance.
16. Remember that she must also respect you. After all, it works both ways. Relationships are built by two, so it is important that the daughter-in-law give the same respect that she would expect in return. If that seems unlikely and you’re struggling to break the ice and earn respect, approach her and try to solve the problem through dialogue.
17. Admit your own shortcomings. Self-awareness is the key to building and maintaining relationships of any kind, so be careful how you behave and express yourself.
18. Avoid conflict whenever possible. What to avoid:
— exchange of opinions,
— disputes on the subject of education,
— thoughts about «losing» your son to another person because you don’t feel like part of the family, even if you make an effort,
— unreasonable expectations
— Nervousness and awkwardness on both sides.
19. Stay cool. It’s easy to get angry over something you don’t agree with, but being angry and arguing definitely won’t help. Take time to think about what’s bothering you and what you can do about it, instead of impulsively expressing disagreement.
20. Respect the privacy of your son and daughter-in-law. Interference and over-involvement can be as much of a hindrance as no communication at all.
21. Strengthen her trust in you as a mother-in-law. Make it clear that you have an open mind and listen carefully.
22. Do not stir up conflicts. Try to get along with your sister-in-law, even if past situations make it more difficult than you would like.
23. If there has already been a conflict, keep the conversation polite and brief.
Let her know you want to move on.
Give her time.
— Start slowly.
— Communicate regularly and keep in touch — it’s important to show that you care.
24. Don’t forget yourself. You must have a private life.
25. Open your heart. Give your new family member your emotional support, because it is also not easy for her and, perhaps, she is also worried about how the parents of her beloved man will accept her.
Here are 25 points of an ideal mother-in-law. But which one of us is perfect? Therefore, you should never stop working on yourself internally. And, most importantly, accept the fact that everyone has their own life and it’s time for your child to separate from his mother. This is a new stage that will bring you a lot of new things. Is it good?.. It all depends on you.