Not all parents know how to combine love and exactingness.
The Western tradition of upbringing has made too much a tilt towards “save”, towards “create life and spiritual comfort”, towards non-judgmental and inclusiveness, forgetting about the need to prepare a child for life, the need to educate discipline, educate strong-willed qualities, the ability to hold tension and overcome difficulties. When a child essentially becomes the head of the family, telling his parents what he likes and what makes him uncomfortable now, nothing good will come of it in the long run. On the other hand, throwing tantrums and fighting with children, as a Chinese mother began to do, is not good for parents, literate parents achieve the same desired results using calmer methods, without needlessly pulling the psyche of either themselves or the child.
It looks like a combination of western and Asian style would be the best option. The direction of the life of the family, as well as the direction of the development of the child, should be set by the father: strict, but attentive. Dad and mom consulted, took into account the characteristics of the child and his inclinations, then the father says what will happen, and his word is law. At the same time, the current atmosphere of the family is set by a warm and caring mother, balancing the rigidity of the father, adding an understanding of love to the requirements of discipline. Also the school. The main school must be strict, and the requirements there must be taken seriously, as at Eton and other British schools. However, having completed all the lessons (of course, excellently), the child can run to electives that he chooses, and let there be an atmosphere of freedom and warmth.
We ourselves discussed the article with the children at home, Masha and Nastya are in the tenth grade. Their opinion: the article is cool and correct. Another thing, according to them, it is so demanding to educate only from childhood, in fact, as it was at home, and if you try on this system for their classmates, there will only be an atomic war and nothing good. Once again, together we came to an agreement that reasonable discipline is necessary and obligatory. The main thesis: everything that makes sense is possible. And what you want, but rather meaningless — let it be banned.
Playing in the theater «Peasant No. 6» is a waste of time, but if we have girls in the school theater in the first roles in beautiful plays, this is wonderful. Partying as a way of life is not a thing, but going to a party once every few months is rather useful, it is an important experience for a teenager. Going to see a cult movie four times is stupid, but watching it once is fine so as not to be a complete black sheep in the classroom. Similarly, sports: the fact that sport is mandatory is not discussed, but which sport in particular is decided together.
And so on, our girls took everything very calmly and reasonably, they said that they were going to raise their children demandingly, because they believe in their capabilities. I quote: “Talking about the vulnerability of the psyche of children is nonsense, people, in principle, can do much more than they think about themselves” — and then a lot of sports illustrations.