A good nanny is a cheerful and reasonable person who consistently fulfills the requirements of her parents. It is important, recalls the family psychotherapist Varvara Sidorova, that the mother and father of the child could articulate them clearly.
“A nanny is an authorized representative of the parents. She is not a girlfriend, not a housekeeper, not a mother and father rolled into one, although in many ways she takes on their functions – she cares and protects. She is not obliged to love the child and earn his love, but must be responsive to his feelings. Undoubtedly, the qualities she needs are consistency and the ability to show firmness, to insist on her own: it is dangerous to leave a child with a nanny who does not have authority. It is important that there is a clear idea in the family: a nanny is a hired worker, but not a lord’s servant. However, it will not work to demand respect from the child if the parents themselves treat her with disdain. The child also should not be aware of disagreements between adults and think that he can easily “build” a nanny with the support of one of them. On all controversial issues, it is worth negotiating without the participation of the child and informing him of the decision already as your general one.
About it
“The Perfect Nanny, or How to Find Mary Poppins”Psychologist Mila Martovskaya shares witty and very practical advice with parents who are desperate to find a nanny for their child (Eksmo, 2009).
Deciding on the choice of an assistant to care for a young son or daughter is difficult for those parents who do not know exactly what they want for their child. What system of education suits them at this stage of his growing up? It is from the nanny, the person who is always there, that the child unconsciously adopts skills and behaviors, learns her way of perceiving the world. Therefore, adults need to ask themselves first of all: I want my child to be treated – how exactly? I expect that he will be taught – what? In order for a child to master the skills of impeccable behavior in society or the ability to sit well at the table, the nanny must not only possess these skills herself, but also strive to pass them on to the child. And for someone who wants to raise a son or daughter as a person with broad views, able to easily enter different cultures and communities, perhaps an assistant of a different nationality will come in handy. In any case, a trusting relationship with a stranger in the family will develop faster if the views on education and life values of the nanny and parents turn out to be similar.
Varvara Sidorova, member of the Society of Family Counselors and Psychotherapists, member of the International Association of Family Therapy and the European Association of Psychotherapists.