Client: Olga, 17 years old, 11th grade student. Lives with mom. I’ve been there before for relationship issues with my mother. Now he is preparing for his final exams.
Since the consultation is not the first and the results are already there, the contact is good, and we immediately proceed to the request. How to formulate a request, Olga already knows.
K: Olya, hello. What will we talk about today, what would you like to receive as a result of our meeting?
O: Hello. Exams coming soon, I’m restless. How to change the state?
K: Olya, as I correctly understood, our request is “How to calmly pass the exam, i.e. experience a calm emotional state. So right?
O yes.
K: Look, this is not the first time we have met, and therefore passing exams is a problem or a task for us?
A: Task.
K: The task to be…
O: Decide.
K: Which needs to be resolved in the near future. So this is our number one priority.
But look, why the task?
A: Because it needs to be solved. Problems don’t mean solutions, just sit and cry. And the tasks must be solved, step over and move on.
K: Problems have several solutions. It should not be forgotten that there are different solutions. Look, we have to pass the exams. What if you don’t hand them over, and what then, what’s so terrible about that?
A: Something that will not work.
K: You won’t be able to do it, what’s wrong with that?
A: If possible, enroll in the next year, then the year will be lost. And if not, then that’s it. Work.
K: But look, even if you want to enter this year, in addition to a higher educational institution, there is …
O: Well, yes.
K: There is a choice, yes? Because now you can go to a technical school, and when you finish it, you can go to a higher educational institution. I have now led you to the fact that there are ways out. So right? And there are many solutions too. But what is your attitude, your task, what is it today?
K: Great, good. Let’s talk with you now about our successes. What we have today. Tell me, is it important to voice your successes?
O yes.
K: Why is it important?
A: To see what has been achieved.
K: So, let’s say the situation for you is not quite positive, but to find pluses in it …
O: You can.
My dad taught me how to be happy. The game is to find something to be happy about in any situation!
download video
K: And now I want to show you a fragment from the film how a little girl just solved this problem of finding pluses and, by the way, in this film she taught the whole town in which she lived, i.e. people followed her.
K: Even in these fragments, there is a clear example in all of them, i.e. no matter how negative a negative situation develops, even in words, even in deeds, the girl always finds something positive. Therefore, this moment can be taken for yourself as an exercise «I find pluses in any situation.»
O yes.
K: Just like you and I said before, you need to remove the word «problem» from your vocabulary. I recommend that you watch the entire movie. There is something to learn. Take a look and see for yourself. You recently had a trial exam in the exam. Please tell me about your successes. About success! Find the positives. At first, you didn’t even tell me the results. Find me some positives.
A: I checked, I was in this atmosphere.
K: It’s great, I’ve been in this atmosphere. More.
A: I looked at the different options. I realized that it is important to consider all options. Tasks are repeated.
K: Yeah, even that. And you saw how the tasks are distributed.
O yes.
K: Give me one more. Those. there is experience.
O yes.
K: Perception of tasks as they look, and now let’s get on with the state. Which is positive.
A: There was no nervousness. But there they say that you have to sit for a long time, until the last. I sat for an hour and a half and left. I don’t have one to sit for a long time.
K: There was no fatigue.
A: I knew what I wrote immediately and left.
K: Well done, I coped with the state and with certain tasks too. Okay, now tell me, how many points did you get?
A: I don’t know how many points, but they said that I got a deuce and other girls. But they said that this district mixed up the options and on Monday it will be for sure.
K: Today we…
A: I had a dream when we wrote a sample in Russian, that in Russian I got 3 points and 2. And now I have 2 in mathematics.
K: Let’s not pay attention to this at all now, because everything in this life depends only on us. Remember that we are not Victims at all, we will perfectly lead the whole process of preparing and passing the exam itself. So right?
O yes.
K: You were given 2, and you yourself consider how many points you completed on the tasks — your opinion.
A: At the minimum in order to pass the exam. I did it with a spare. The minimum threshold, I think, did.
Transition to activity planning.
K: Great, and now Olechka, tell me, if you take your condition out of 10 points, how much do you rate it?
A: 3 points.
K: Yes. Can you tell me why only 3?
A: Well, somehow I don’t know. Good is not enough.
K: Let’s formulate “There is something to work on” in a different way.
O yes.
K: We are talking positively — there is not enough good, but we have time and we have something to work on.
O: Uh huh.
K: Do you agree?
O yes.
K: And in these 7 remaining points, what do you put in? What needs to be worked on?
A: Decide more.
K: So you need to work out even more.
O yes.
K: Increase the time for classes.
O yes.
K: What else?
A: Solve more of what doesn’t work. Don’t go over…
K: Do work on the bugs.
O yes.
K: As it used to be at school. Good. What else?
A: Don’t be lazy.
K: Let’s rephrase it now. Don’t be lazy, huh…?
A: Work hard.
K: Yes. That’s right, in this direction just the same.
Now I ask you to sit comfortably in your chair. Is there anything else you would like to add besides the options listed above?
Oh no.
K: Close your eyes, and now look at this exam that you passed, at the whole situation, at that girl Olya, as if from the outside. As if it’s not you, but looking from the side. What would you advise her? Let’s add to your options.
A: Attention to conditions.
K: Be more attentive to tasks. What else do you see?
O: Don’t bother.
K: Let’s reformulate. Be…
O: Take it easy.
K: Collected. Great, what else?
O: Well, everything.
K: I mean. these conditions are sufficient. Great, you now looked at yourself from the outside and immediately added a few more parameters. This is very useful — to look at yourself as if from the outside and many other, even more interesting things open up.
O yes.
K: So Ol, the parameters are selected and what is our next step?
A: Make them.
K: So, I suggest you start with a clear head. On the exam, when you study. This clarity of the head and thoughts is achieved by normalizing the physical condition. How can we normalize it directly, starting in the morning?
O: Charger.
K: For energy, yes. How much does it suit you?
A: Half, a little more.
K: Will you do it?
A: If there is time.
K: And then everything depends on you, you are the Author of the process.
O: Well, yes.
K: Now look, no one tells you that it should be half an hour classes.
O: Well, yes.
K: We are talking about getting up in good shape. But does the tone that you will feel in the morning depend on the morning?
A: No, still from the night, the evening.
K: But you heard that you need to go to bed on time.
O: Familiar.
K: How do you manage it today?
A: No, it doesn’t work.
K: In psychology, it is customary, for health, to go to bed today.
A: I can’t make it today.
K: I mean. it turns out until 00.00, understand the meaning?
O yes.
K: What time do you go to bed?
A: One o’clock is the earliest.
K: This is the earliest, you understand that this is no comfort and you don’t have enough time for your body to rest.
A: I don’t sleep before. Now, if at 12, but I don’t have time until 12.
K: Come on, let’s time the time. Are you on the first shift?
O yes.
K: What time do you get home from school?
A: At 2 o’clock.
K: And now look at 2, how is your distribution going?
A: Every day is different.
K: Olechka, I heard that in your regime, the time from coming home from school, even if you have lunch, then until 15,16 hours is free.
A: Not always. It happens that at this time I finish the lessons.
K: I mean. basic do you do?
A: No, I hardly do the basics, only when I have to ask.
K: You let yourself do that.
O yes.
K: I mean. only for tutors. But if you only transfer an hour from that time and it’s already 11 o’clock, not 12. To transfer an hour here from the evening time.
A: Sometimes I sleep during the day.
K: Stop. And so this parameter why you do not sound.
A: Sometimes it happens, I fall asleep.
K: For how long?
A: Depending on what time to the tutor.
K: If you slept during the day, then of course you have more resources to work in the evening. Here then I agree. And I would like to pay attention to those days when you do not rest during the day and sit up.
A: If I don’t rest during the day. I take them to class to finish.
K: This is also one of the ways you came up with. Doesn’t that break the process?
A: No, we all do this. We even had one girl who did not come to school, because there was a lot to do in tutoring, and she did not go to school.
K: And teachers are included in your position?
A: They don’t know about it.
K: Don’t focus on it. If you find a way out of this, I agree. But let’s try to time it this week to make it to 23.00.
Try as much as you can. Because a lot depends on the physical condition. If you rest during the day, respectively, you can later in the evening. Analyze all these moments for yourself. Where can I find more time to work out, where to relax. This is your task.
Oh good.
K: We discussed going to bed. Cheerful morning, even the simplest exercise «Beetle», while lying in bed, shake your limbs. The state of awakening, tone. When you wash…
A: You can sit.
K: Wow, you. Good. Or you can just massage your feet. To do several things at the same time in order to acquire an active physical state. This is what you think. What else would you take for a cheerful morning?
O: Have breakfast.
K: Do you have breakfast?
A: No, rarely.
K: How can we have enough energy?
A: Eat chocolate.
K: Oh, you are. How can you fix it?
A: Get up earlier and pack your bag in the evening.
K: Take sandwiches with you. These are the substances that are so needed. When they are in abundance, your state is more energetic. Pay attention to breakfast. Writing.
Planned. But I want to tell you to have such an exercise to check how much I use my time correctly. All the activities that we perform are divided into 3 parameters: business, service, emptiness.
Business is a clearly productive activity that leads to some result that you need, wanted to achieve, and which is now working for our task — to pass exams calmly and positively.
Service is a help for business, i.e. preparatory for a thorough activity.
Emptiness is an activity that does not work for your task. It is there, but it has absolutely no result and meaning. Look, for example, cooking borscht is a business. Peel the vegetables, cook the broth …
A: This is a service.
K: Service, and dancing around the pot is emptiness. Agree?
O yes.
K: Now I urge you to analyze your day depending on these 3 parameters. You got up, had breakfast, did exercises — it all works for the energy of the body — good.
Come on. You went to school, and look, while you are going to school — you are going — is this the case?
A: It’s empty.
K: But look, you go to school to study …
A: And this is a service.
K: Great. This is a service for a great cause to receive ZUN. While you are walking, maybe you can translate the service and work on your task? How many minutes does it take to get to school?
A: 15 minutes.
K: What can be done in these 15 minutes to work on your request?
O: Repeat.
K: Great.
A: And we are talking at this time.
K: I mean. you go alone. Is it always like this?
O yes.
K: Do you do it on purpose — to go none?
A: We agree.
K: But look, even if you go with your girlfriends, tell them, today I need to repeat this, I will tell you and you also need this. You are all from the same class.
O yes.
K: You will take Russian and mathematics together. Work according to who is next to you. Listen, let’s repeat this, this. But I did yesterday — maybe they will tell you what. Take it, I think it’s acceptable, and even effective.
O yes.
K: I went to school and study there. Let’s take the learning process. It’s like business, then you go home.
A: A bit of emptiness.
K: Look. You go home, and you will have lunch at home, you will again work for the body, but this is business.
O: I’m resting.
K: You are going to a certain business, i.e. it is too …
A: Service.
K: Yes, and during the return home you are exactly the same …
A: I can repeat.
K: You can work out some nuances. Then you came, what are you doing?
A: I eat, I rest, if I haven’t finished it, I finish my lessons.
K: I eat, I rest — this is a service for a big deal, to work later. Then you do it — it’s business. What’s next?
A: I’m going for additional ones.
K: I’m going.
A: You can do it again.
K: Great. Doing extras, then?
O: I’m going home. You can repeat again.
K: Look how many opportunities we have opened for you.
A: And when to unload the brain?
K: This is what you have to install for me yourself. Look, you can unload the brain during, as one of my suggestions, there is relaxation music that relaxes. Do you have headphones, player? You will listen, restore balance.
A: And as I go, I can’t listen like that on the go.
K: There is only music without words.
A: But still, you need to tune in to it. And so go, the cars will make noise.
K: Shall we try?
A: I already tried it once, and I didn’t like listening to it on the go.
K: That was different music?
O: Well, yes.
K: Come on, I’ll give you the records, and you listen. This is just a moment of relaxation. Yes, and carve out moments for rest you have to. But, you went to the dance and danced for a certain amount of time — did you relax?
A: And the body got tired.
K: But, there is a thesis the best rest is a change of activities.
O: Well, yes.
K: There you are physically, and here mentally.
A: There is a rush of emotions.
K: So you need to calm down. Listen to music along the way.
O yes.
K: I came and began to study intellectually. You can plan everything and, of course, find moments to relax. I slept during the day, I also had a rest. Now you know that you have 3 parameters — business, service, emptiness. And when working on a big goal, what would you remove?
O: Void.
K: Yes, I would. Where can the service be translated into action. Emptiness — at least …
A: To the service.
K: It needs to be analyzed. Look, we talked about the physical condition, we talked about planning, the daily routine. Now let’s start about the moments of the emotional state. I want to talk about the fact that there are moments when you start to get emotional. You feel it.
O yes.
K: And look, here we introduce the “Stop” rule. This word works very well, sobering. Entered, entered into emotion and then you say “Stop”.
A: And if you don’t want to tell yourself stop?
K: What do you want?
A: Prove your point. Still, you want to get out there.
K: We are talking about emotions now. Not a point of view..
O: But it is, as you still want …
K: How do you want, Ol? You can jump.
O: Argue.
K: You are talking about thoughts again. I’m talking about the emotional state.
A: Well, you need to throw out emotions. If there are any bad ones.
K: Great. How can you splash out? I’m leading you to this — to come up with ways now.
O: There are many.
K: How?
O: Shout.
K: Yes, please go out into the field and go ahead. How else can you? Today I had 2 girls of 12 years old. So they say that the brother has boxing gloves. Let’s knock on the wall — so good. Are you for yourself to come up with?
O: I don’t know.
K: Think.
O: You have to figure it out.
K: It is not safe to scream in a high-rise building, a residential area.
O yes.
K: Not environmentally friendly for others.
A: Can beat something.
K: Dishes?
A: No, also some gloves.
K: Let’s think about what you have and what is real at your fingertips and at any moment ..
A: Pillow. But it’s a pity to beat her.
K: Sorry for the pillow. I sleep on it, I rest. More?
A: The toys are soft, I feel sorry for them too. And there is nothing like that.
K: So it doesn’t fit. Think more. Maybe jump rope.
O: Well, you can. And suddenly I will jump loudly.
K: Also a high-rise building. If during the day, then until 23 hours is possible.
A: Throw something off the balcony, like a bag of water. Presented now.
K: And you imagine that someone was walking.
O: Well, yes. Break something.
K: Look, great, you yourself came to this. Yes, there is such a technique that you can write down your condition on paper. Knead, knead it and burn it or cut it into small pieces, i.e. dispose of. Here we come to a good way. It’s yours and it’s eco-friendly and it fits. How much do you take?
O yes.
K: But you can sometime, and tell yourself “Stop”. Pay attention to this rule when the emotional state is not so strong.
K: So, Ol, now let’s quickly repeat what we take for ourselves until the next meeting?
A: Review the daily routine, do exercises.
K: Make a cheerful morning, but do not forget to go to bed on time.
A: Have breakfast. Service to do business, and emptiness to service.
K: How do we work with the emotional state?
A: Change position.
K: What else? Our most important way, if I want to splash out?
A: Write, tear or burn.
K: Do you have any questions for me?
Oh no. Thank you Tatiana!
Result: all is well!