How to build a format in a relationship between a man and a woman

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​​​​​​​The format of communication, relationships and interactions between a man and a woman is a special world and a bunch of circumstances.

Imagine how well-mannered people behave who treat each other with respect and affection: what kind of faces, eyes, intonations they have, how they are dressed and what manners they have, what they allow themselves and what they don’t.

Probably, they always have an attentive and friendly facial expression, there are no conflictogens in their speech and there are enough syntones, they do not allow themselves liberties and signs of superiority that are unpleasant for a partner (seriously), in ordinary communication they exclude accusations and reproaches.

Enough? Anything beyond that is no longer a format. Already unacceptable. And talking about emotions and moods is inappropriate here. If you respect the person you are with, you can handle your inappropriate emotions and moods. Yes?

Be careful about informality. Here is a man in the heat of the moment pushed a woman — she did not notice. In five years, he will beat her in front of the children. Here, in front of her friends, a woman mocked her boyfriend over her clothes — he did not notice. In five years, she will fire his last words in front of employees and business partners. Remember — these things can not be skipped. Never. If you give hands at the very beginning of a relationship, it may very well turn out that a person will think and rebuild (maybe, of course, not rebuild — anything can happen). But if you don’t give a hand, a person will not rebuild for sure.

What happens to loving people if they don’t care about the format?

Look at typical scenes from the famous movie «Married Life», where initially beautiful relationships of loving people, a man and a woman, gradually turn into an everyday hell. It all starts with the first Emotions that a woman allowed herself in the presence of a man and against him.

It is very important to start setting the format when the relationship is just taking shape, when people are still trying on each other. Later, when people get used to each other and to the relationships that have already developed, it is much more difficult to change something in the relationship. Yes, it is still possible to fix a lot, but it is more difficult. Especially in a relationship between a man and a woman, it is important to use the first time when people are in love with each other: this is truly a golden time when people are ready to change, when they look like plasticine and you have the opportunity to “sculpt” another person into the format that important to you. If you love a worthy person, you will definitely use this opportunity at least to help your loved one start behaving the way he himself has long dreamed of: go in for sports, watch how he dresses and how he looks, start paying attention to their manners and just act like a really loving person. This is beautiful, start expecting this from a person, teach your loved one to do this — and he will later thank you sincerely.

When a man courts a woman, he is ready for a lot and “building” him is easy. Golden time! While the girl is passionate, she is also amenable to formatting. Later, no more. After — discussion, disassembly, accustoming, which is always longer and more difficult. The format of the relationship must be set initially: it doesn’t matter if we are talking about jealousy, gu.e.sti or egocentrism. Below are situations that can be used as teaching material. I wish you success!

skeptical grunt

A young man and a girl have a format of close, friendly relations. He follows it strictly. Somehow she boasts of her professional success and expects her to be happy for him, to be proud of him. And she grunted, threw skeptically: “I found something to be proud of!”. If he misses it, the relationship will soon creep down. What to do?

Possible response:

• be silent for ten seconds
• repeat her phrase verbatim (to yourself as a keepsake for possible analysis for the future, plus so that she herself hears what she said and noticed that he paid attention to this phrase)
• still be silent for five to ten seconds, looking ahead,
• then turn to her, look her straight in the eyes, stroke her shoulder and say: “You are good. But for the future — you better support me, it’s more correct. Men love it.»

Transcript: “I noticed everything, but now I forgive you. I expect that in the future you will improve, how to act — I told you.

A woman can also set the desired format in relation to significant men for her. A pause and a repetition of the man’s incorrect phrases is adequate, but the specific wording of her comment must be looked for so as not to enter into an open conflict.

Night call

Charming girl Katerina met a handsome young man Anton, they have a close relationship, Anton has a habit of calling whenever he wants, including very late, when Katerina usually sleeps. Half past one in the morning another call from Anton is heard. What and how to tell him, how to react?

First option:

“Well, Anton, well, I asked you, don’t call me so late! I was almost asleep, and you woke me up. You don’t care about people at all! Aren `t you ashamed? And the parents woke up … Well, tell me: well, what do you have there? Something happened?»

The intonation is dissatisfied and not affectionate, but in fact Anton received permission to call her so late and further. This is probably not a good choice.

The second option:

“Anton, you are a very dear person to me. I love you very much, I appreciate you, and I am very pleased when you call me. I have a request to you: if you call me tomorrow morning, I will be very happy. After 23 it is inconvenient for me to call, it is impossible. Anton, as far as you heard me: I can count on and be sure that after 23 I will wait for your call until the morning, but your call after 23 is impossible?

After this, Anton will not call again at night. But in the morning he will call, be sure, and will talk very affectionately, carefully and caringly.

For the future

For the future — follow the format in a new relationship, and in these relations and with this person try to make a “restart” — to discuss your relationship and offer them to correct on both sides. If you start by making a commitment to yourself, there is a high chance that your soul mate will be more attentive as well. If you start helping each other, you can really do a lot.

If a woman is a coward, if she is afraid to demand decent behavior from her husband, the husband (ordinary husband) will slowly, every year, behave worse and worse. A huge number of women live in fear, and the decoding is as follows: it’s bad with a husband, but scary without him. And when it’s scary, then a woman makes a decision inside herself — to do nothing, go to the forum to complain, suffer, swear quietly at her husband, sometimes swear loudly, but do nothing. A husband can break loose on such a woman, and not come home, and not bring money, but she will still be with him — then why will he change something?

And if a woman is confident in herself, in this respect she is brave, and can say: “Dear, I love you very much and I will bring you slippers, and I will make tea for you with that lemon, but so that you don’t behave like that, but like this on looked at me so that I knew that you still need me. What is the right decision to make? Do you need this woman, who is a little mother of your children, or do you have other considerations? And when a man understands that a woman can be reasonable, cheerful, joyful, but next to her to be rude and be nothing, and walk around the house with a face like a brick, is not good. She immediately comes up to him and strokes his cheek: “You have something on your face, as if you don’t love me. Let’s kiss! By the way. The kids miss you, go get busy. Well, children, dad really wants to come to you. We kiss dad and drag him to his room. We show, tell what we have done, played enough. And then the husband needs to be credited at home, included in household chores. See Talking about Difficult Relationships for more details.

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.