Speaking of family values (you must agree, this is a fairly broad concept), let’s specify what most of us have in mind. Most likely, these are the principles of relationships both between spouses and in relations between parents and children, which include: love, care, mutual understanding, patience, fidelity, sacrifice, respect, compassion, mutual support, honesty, sincerity, trust and much more. Are they important? Let me answer for you. They are not only important, they are the fundamental unshakable foundation of any prosperous family. And this is no exaggeration. Remove at least one “small” parameter from the relationship — and see what this family will turn into in a few years, or maybe months.
“Yes,” you say. — Theoretically, everything is clear and simple. But, my God, if you knew my husband…” or “Yes, modern society has forgotten what family values are! You need to watch TV more often” or “Of course, it’s beautifully said. But where, excuse me, is real life? You are talking about a non-existent idyll.»
You are all absolutely right in your own way. First, by forming a new family, two people bring into it the family values (if, of course, they existed at all) of their parents. And this is a conflict of views. Secondly, modern media, morality and the «sexual revolution» really promote infidelity, open relationships, satisfaction of one’s own needs, civil marriages, selfishness. And young people, “zombified” by this information, create families, but in the next 1-5 years they get scandalously divorced, because. their life together turns into hell. Thirdly, I would not have the right to teach you about life if I myself did not live the way I write. Therefore, my dears, believe that with work and patience you can turn your family into a real idyll. But, I repeat, only work and patience.
We can come up with or find a million reasons why our families lack family values. But, tell me, is the search for the guilty the lot of the strong? Are we not responsible for our lives and the lives of our families? Do we have the right to shift the responsibility for raising our children to society?
Perhaps something is not working out for us today just because we do not know something. But that’s not a problem. Walking, reading, cooking borscht, applying make-up — we also once studied. And in the beginning it was not very good. But now we are aces.
So, we are strong, wise, self-confident women who dream of positive changes in our families. Our goal: to introduce and concrete in our nests those values that we consider important in relationships with our «precious» (I’m talking about husbands) and our children. And we don’t have much time. Where to begin?
1) Keep a diary or notebook (this is very important) to record your observations and changes.
2) On your own list and write down under the numbers 1,2,3, … all the family values uXNUMXbuXNUMXbthat you want to introduce into your relationship. For example:
1) love,
2) trust,
3) respect, etc.
3) Next to each item, write how you and your husband can practice these values. For example:
Love:
You: 1) cook dinner on time, 2) do not deny your spouse sex,
Husband: 1) to say tender words to you, etc.
Trust:
You: 1) I will not call my husband every half an hour with the question: “Where are you?”, 2) I will stop controlling my husband when he is doing his own business at home,
Husband: 1) Will let you go to “girls”, etc.
Respect:
You: 1) During quarrels and conflicts, I will stop insulting my husband with the words: “Idiot”, “Sick”, “Loser”, 2) When solving any issues, I will always consult with my husband, showing the importance of his opinion for me, 3) Even if my husband earns less than me today, I will still respect him for his efforts and diligence.
Husband: 1) Will value your opinion, listen to your advice, etc.
4) Take a certain period for yourself: a week, two weeks, a month and start implementing each of the points one at a time, gradually adding the following. Write down all your achievements every day in a diary.
MOST IMPORTANT NOTE: Don’t expect anything from your husband! The purpose of the exercise is to teach yourself to manifest the declared and so important family values for you without a response. If you begin to demand from your husband the fulfillment of your «points» — you have squandered the accumulated. Start over. By the way, your husband should not know about your “project” at all.
You can go a slightly different way. The article “Our Family Values” presents the real values of a happy family, perhaps they should be discussed with the husband and further improve relations in the family already under his leadership.
Well, that’s all … Is it difficult? Believe me from personal experience, yes. Work on your character is the hardest thing that is possible for a person. You ask: when will you see the result? I answer: as soon as you change yourself. Everything, absolutely everything in our life begins to change when we change: the people around us, and relationships, and even circumstances. How much time do you need? Complex issue. It took me 3 years. A lot or a little — each has its own parameters. But remember that having laid the foundation of your relationship, you can safely build your bright, wonderful future both for you and your husband and for your children. Remember that it took us 5, and for some, 7 years of life to learn and get an education in some specialty. And we endured: tedious lectures, and sleepless nights before exams, and «strange» teachers, and unfair grades. So is our own family really less important to us? If we think that if it doesn’t work out this time, we will get divorced and “lightweight” build another happy family, this is self-deception. Without labor, family happiness does not happen. And values do not become values in and of themselves. To make a diamond, a piece of diamond is worked on for more than one day.
“Patience and work will grind everything,” says folk wisdom. Roll up your sleeves, start incorporating family values into your daily life, and the result will surpass even your wildest dreams.
Good luck to you!