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Breaking up is always a painful process, and living together only complicates everything. There is no way to cut off contact, not answer the phone, to disconnect from the situation until the wounds heal. You have to face the person you once loved on a daily basis and solve pressing issues. Here are some tips to help you in this situation.
1. Separate the housing problem from emotions
Don’t start a breakup conversation by saying you’re moving out of a shared apartment. The question of who is moving where will inevitably arise, but it is important to discuss relationships first. Emotions will run high. You may feel like you need to take a break and come back to this conversation again.
After recovering from the initial shock of the breakup, take some time to talk about housing. If you yourself initiated the breakup, take the lead in planning the move. You may have to stay with parents and friends for a few days before starting to develop a detailed plan.
2. Determine the exact date of the move
This decision will be the catalyst for all subsequent ones. If you rent a house, you will have to pay for it anyway, no matter where you live. Decide which of you stays in this apartment. Will any of you be able to pay for the apartment alone? Perhaps you both decide to move or start looking for a new roommate. Analyze options in terms of financial and emotional costs.
3. Respect each other’s privacy
Whatever you choose, you will most likely have to live together for a while. It will be necessary to divide space and household duties in a new way. It’s easy to be tempted to leave things the way they are, but holding on to past habits won’t do you any good. Now you’re just roommates.
Decide where you will sleep and what to do around the house. Choose a time when one of you can invite friends and the other can leave home. Everyone will need time to mourn and process the situation. Respect your partner’s right to do so.
4. Discuss money
The range of topics is the widest: from the division of a common bank account to the purchase of expensive equipment and interior items. Think about voluntary insurance programs if you participate in them. Perhaps the partner is listed as a beneficiary, contact or trustee. If you find it difficult to discuss financial matters, you can turn to friends or relatives. An open-minded side will help you ask each other the right questions and be able to stop you in time if things start to heat up.
5. Divide property fairly
Start simple. If the thing was yours before the start of the relationship, then it remains yours. Gifts belong to the person to whom they were given. Try to be precise. Let’s say you told your partner that he can pick up the kitchen utensils, and he took the blender away, although you only meant the plates. Make a list of things that are important to each of you and write down who gets what. Have everyone have a copy of the list.
6. Set new boundaries
Perhaps you will be visited more than once by the thought of returning everything that was, at least for one night. But this will complicate the process of parting, slow down the healing and transition to a new life. Better pay attention to yourself. Find a place in your home that is just yours. Try to refrain from new relationships. It seems to be an effective way to get over a breakup, but as long as you live under the same roof, it will create additional complications.
7. Fill your calendar with appointments
Meet your friends more often – their support will help you get through this painful period. In addition, this way you will spend more time outside the home. A breakup clouds your head, so it doesn’t hurt to be reminded of important life decisions, purchases, or other events that are happening right now.
Maybe you paid for part of the joint trip, which is now not destined to happen. This means that one of the partners will have to return the money. You may have paid a deposit for a rented apartment. It will also need to be returned and divided. Ask your friends to help you make a list of similar things to do in the near future.