Most parents face this problem these days, because self-esteem is the “Achilles heel” of almost every teenager.
Children of this age can find a lot of invented flaws in themselves. And if there are still real problems in appearance, then these “fantastic stories” become more pronounced. In most cases, children are characterized by inadequate self-esteem, namely, low, this leads to the initial stage of the formation of an inferiority complex. The main task in this case for parents is to find solutions aimed at developing the ability to assess their own abilities normally.
A characteristic feature of adolescents is to hide their inner world and their problems from everyone, so it is very difficult for parents to determine which self-esteem is characteristic of their child: underestimated or overestimated. But parents first need to understand whether there is a reason for panic, or is it just a transitional age. Caring parents do not need to be reminded of existing problems, they themselves see and understand everything.
We invite you to answer a number of questions in order to finally understand: is it worth worrying?
- Does the child often panic and show anxiety?
- Is a teenager reluctant to make contact because he is afraid of being ridiculed?
- Does your child’s opinion depend on others?
- Does your child have comrades whom he wanted to be like?
- Often he shares with you his experiences, failures, thoughts, plans?
- A teenager avoiding all attention to himself at family holidays?
- A teenager increasingly prefers a quiet evening alone instead of walking with a noisy company?
- Does the child refuse to take part in school plays, plays, concerts?
- The schoolboy does not believe in luck in a new business, convincing you that this is an accident?
1-2 positive answers to the questionnaire can be accidental, you should not make hasty conclusions. But if there are more than 3 such answers, then the child really needs your help. Do not forget that if you do not do this in time, then you cannot do without an experienced specialist – a child psychologist.
Many parents are trying to figure out two aspects: who is to blame and what to do next. But you should know that at this age children are very vulnerable, they take every word literally “with hostility”, so be careful with jokes, undeserved punishments or thoughtless remarks, because all this can be the beginning of difficult trials.
We advise you to carefully familiarize yourself with those aspects of upbringing with which you need to be careful in this situation:
1. Criticism of the child.
Criticism is only necessary if it is purely constructive. It is not recommended to switch to the personality of the child himself, although he “knocked you out of the rut”. The whole stream of criticism should be directed only at changing the negative actions of the adolescent.
2. More praise.
In the use of this tool, you do not need to limit yourself. You need to regularly praise your child: for a room cleaned on time, for watered flowers, for taking out the trash and, of course, for good grades and behavior at school. A teenager will definitely appreciate it.
3. Never talk about flaws in appearance.
At this age, guys are very self-critical of their appearance. They will find a bunch of flaws in it without you. Better not to add fuel to the fire.
4. Don’t compare your child to anyone else.
Once a philosopher said that in comparison, truth is known. But this does not work in our case. It is completely wrong to compare a child who received a bad grade with a fellow student.
Parents are the most important role models for a child. The teenager is very dependent on the opinion of adults. Therefore, you need to use this circumstance for his own good. Psychologists recommend:
- closely monitor the appearance of the teenager. Do not allow your child to look worse than the others: do not skimp on clothes, fashionable hairstyles or your daughter’s manicure, because silly ridicule from peers can play a cruel joke. But you should not indulge any whims – everything should be in moderation, restrained and beautiful;
- help the child achieve something in this life. This way of boosting self-esteem is one of the most effective. If your daughter sings well, offer to participate in a charity concert. Is your son good at woodworking? Buy him a ticket to a lesson from a famous master. You will see how his attitude towards himself will change;
- try to keep up with progress. You can not save on the appearance of the child. But besides beautiful clothes, the child must have other things, for example, a computer, a modern mobile phone, a player, a digital camera, etc. All this is necessary to avoid ridicule by peers, otherwise there can be no question of forming a normal self-esteem;
- learn to respect your child. A teenager is not yet an adult, but no longer a child, he has his own opinion and interests, and we must respect this person, listen to his opinion, even though it is not entirely correct; then he will understand how dear and important.
Consider all our recommendations, and you will succeed, because there are no better psychologists than parents.