Naturally, we want the evening to go as well as possible. Experts from the British center for the development of emotional intelligence “School of Life” share secrets that will help relieve tension during the meeting and continue to get to know each other.
We are nervous, and understandably so, because we are trying to do something very strange and difficult: to seduce another person. It’s not just about trying to persuade us to have sex, but about seduction in a broader sense – to make us like us.
A date is essentially an audition, an audition, or an interview. We are not always ready to admit it, but usually on a date, both participants try to try on the role of a partner in a long-term relationship. It turns out that to seduce, in a broader and more important sense, means to prove that we are suitable for this role.
The question arises: what should we do to convince the other person of this? What can show us in a favorable light?
Be self-critical and confident
First of all, we need to show that we have a good relationship with ourselves. This does not mean that we should praise ourselves. It is believed that the phrases “I love Parisian museums” or “swimming in the lake by the light of the moon” are well suited for flirting. But such statements do not really prove that it is pleasant to live with us.
In fact, on the contrary, the one who is well aware of his own weaknesses and shortcomings is attractive. This does not mean that they need to be flaunted: yelling at the waiter, crying about how your friends let you down or insulted your colleagues many years ago. This is what people do who give in to their weaknesses.
An attractive partner who is well aware of their own weaknesses and shortcomings
Approaching your weaknesses from a position of strength can be charming. A phrase like “Our meeting made me a little nervous,” said in a playful and confident tone, can sound seductive. We do not just get nervous and swallow a cocktail or feverishly list the advantages of the surrounding interior. We show vulnerability, but at the same time we demonstrate that we know our weaknesses well and are able not to take them too seriously.
Be kind and ironic
The second secret is the ability to show that you treat a potential partner with sympathy, but realistically. Many people believe that it is important to express admiration, making it clear that the interlocutor seems to us extremely attractive or successful.
Being the object of admiration is not very pleasant – it causes discomfort, because deep down we know very well that we do not deserve such treatment. As a result, an obsequious attitude causes disappointment and looks pathetic. In the process of seduction, you need to simultaneously show that you like the potential partner, but at the same time you perfectly see his imperfections and are ready to forgive these shortcomings, treating them gently.
You need to show that you like the potential partner, but at the same time you perfectly see his imperfections
You can even play a little joke on the interlocutor. For example, in a conversation, he accidentally said something unplanned and immediately felt uncomfortable. Don’t pretend not to notice. Better defuse the situation with an innocent joke, a personal similar story, or tell him that you don’t think his slip is a problem.
Thus, we make it clear to the interlocutor that we have no illusions about his perfection and are ready to accept him with all the shortcomings that do not frighten us.
At the same time, we show what kind of attitude we want in future relationships. We do not need blind admiration, we want our partner to recognize us from all sides and love us, despite our shortcomings. There are many ways to make a momentary impression, but what really attracts is adequate self-esteem and a healthy benevolence towards the interlocutor.
Source: The School of Life