How to behave on a date

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​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​The first date is an event where people can understand how interesting they are to each other, whether they have the prospect of a romance or family. But for a smart girl, this is the most important time when she can form the right attitude towards herself.

A man should be interested in you. But to be interested not only as a sweet and outwardly attractive girl, but in the fact that you made him think of himself and respect himself. That is the most important thing!

Therefore, respect yourself from the very beginning and do not make it easier for a man to do his job. When a man tries to set you up with a date, don’t say, «I’ll be right in your area!» and do not offer restaurants that are between your and his addresses, unless the man himself asks. Let the man work himself to find a place that will be convenient for you. He will be proud of his success — do not deprive him of this joy!

At the same time — respect the man yourself and do not be late for the first date. Yes, it is believed that a girl can afford to be late, and if this is only an affair, then everything is possible. If it seems to you that there may be more serious prospects behind the novel, then it is better to declare yourself as a serious girl.

A noisy place is not the best choice for a first date. Sure, it might be a great place under other circumstances, but not for a first date. Shouting and questioning will tire you both out, and you will lose all interest in communication. Yes, and bringing friends with you is a mistake. This event is for two only!

The main question is: what to talk about? About weather? About politics? Show intelligence or seem stupid? If you are smart, then be neutral, stay calm and listen to what the man has to say. Follow him. If he wants to talk about dance clubs, tell him which ones you like and where you go; if possible, show the man that you are up to date with the latest events and that you have interests. But — it should be easy with you! Do not burden a man with your problems and do not entertain him with your jokes, rather go with the flow, respond to his topics and be on the wave of his mood. Well, maybe a little more positively: a slight smile always suits a girl’s face.

Naturally, on any date, there may be moments when both partners have nothing to say. Don’t feel obligated to fill the gap, don’t feel like you have to keep him entertained and have an interesting conversation all the time. You are beautiful, he can admire you, and what you talk about is not your concern. After all, sometimes a man just wants to keep quiet. Let it be. Remember: a man falls in love with you, not with what you say.

On a date, be easy, calm and even rather serious. Let the man guess what you think, whether you liked him, whether he managed to make a good impression. He will find you interesting and mysterious, unlike those talkers he met before: and this is what you need.

Behave naturally — as if you are constantly going on dates and this meeting is nothing for you. Act like this even if you haven’t dated anyone in years. If you need to think about something, think about dating another man in the same week (you definitely need to date different people so you never depend on one man).

It’s easy to ask a man — it’s good: it may well be that he wants to tell something about himself, and if you help him, he will be grateful to you. A simple question: “Tell me about yourself. Who are you? Where do you work, what are your hobbies, how do you spend your time? ”, and then develop the topic that, as you feel, is closest to him. Sometimes a simple trick helps with questions: a few words about yourself, and then the question: what about you? And you have? “I recently became interested in yoga, we have a wonderful coach, but he torments us a lot, after training everything hurts … And what kind of sports do you do?” And then — listen, listen … Nod, agree, make big expressive eyes (they also suit you very well), ask questions for understanding — but most importantly, you should listen more than tell yourself.

Men love compliments, and if you really like something and command respect in his story, give him some neat compliments. The ability to give compliments is a special art, but there is a sense in mastering it.

Of course, if you want, you can also share what you want, there are only two undesirable topics: former relationships and any negative. On the subject of negativity: well-mannered people are not inclined to speak negatively about other people, professions, religious views, etc. Let your statements be either approving (you like everything) or neutral (like “Or so!”). If you talk about the school where you studied, it’s better to remember your favorite teachers, and don’t mention monsters. As for the former relationship, there is no need to make a secret out of this, but specifically talking about it or specifically asking questions is not the best idea. However, if you say thankfully and respectfully about your past relationships, it will create the best impression of you.

Your keen interest in his story is excellent, but too much interest in him himself is inappropriate. Do you feel the difference? Your interest should be lively, but calm. No need to show increased interest — you’re not hungry, are you? Looking into a man’s mouth, you will quickly get bored with him. A man loves to make an effort, and what goes right into his hands is of no particular interest. Walking along the street, first, as if by chance, let go of his hand: let him again look for your hand. Is the idea clear?

On a date, you can go to a cafe, and one glass of wine may not hurt to relieve stress a little, but getting drunk is out of the question. That is, if you want sex without continuation, then please, and if you are thinking about any prospects, then by no means. In a cafe, look at your food, look at the restaurant customers. Show interest in life, other people, pictures on the walls, but do not show a special interest in a man: he should be interested in you, not you in him. If he does not do this, this man is simply not yours.

Half bill? No, in Russia, by default, a man pays in cafes and restaurants.

Don’t think about making the date interesting and long. Think about ending it cute, warm, but finishing it first. Try to end the date first, especially if you like the man. After two (if you’re meeting at a bar) or three or four (if you’re having dinner) hours, look at your watch, take a breath, and say, «Everything was great, but I’m having a hard day tomorrow.» At the same time, do not tell what awaits you tomorrow, it is better to look warmly into his eyes and smile gratefully. He will be delighted with you!

Subsequent dates

At the end of the first date, you can agree to a light kiss on the cheek or on the lips — but only if you are dying of desire for something more. Yes, men already on the first date want to get everything at once, but your task is to slow down these aspirations. Let a man love you, not just your body. On a second date, a man can see you off, then use common sense. Of course, he will be happy if you invite him for a cup of tea, but remember: sex for one night, and you have more serious plans. Therefore, better later. You are not against sex and you like a man, but the more difficult it is for a man to achieve his goal, the more he appreciates it. It’s entirely possible for a man to get mad at a kiss in the lobby and goodbye after a second date. Don’t worry, anger is a sign of interest. I’ll have him call you back.

On the first three dates, you should be calm and relaxed, be sweet, charming and light, like a spring breeze. The first three dates should be just acquaintances. No deep feelings, no expectations, no romance: forbid it to yourself. However, time goes by, now you can allow yourself to fall in love and become warmer and more open for him.

Attention: you can already fall in love, but keep yourself in control anyway. Do not unwind your dreams and do not dive into too strong hopes: this will interfere with you, and the point is not in worries, but in the fact that a man should not feel that you are very dependent on him.

Hint: The first and second dates can be on Thursday or any other day of the week. But the third must necessarily fall on Saturday evening. How to prepare for it? Simple: don’t worry about anything. More: here you have a long-awaited date in the evening, you have all the thoughts about it … This is bad! This is wrong: try to be busy until the doorbell rings, in which case you will meet your chosen one in the best shape.

What to do with yourself? There are many options: go to the gym, get a manicure or take a long bubble bath. Go to the store, buy yourself a new blouse or perfume — a great distraction. Or take a nap: if you usually start to nod off after 10 p.m., napping will do you good. You can go to the movies, but it’s more of a comedy rather than a melodrama so that the romance doesn’t overwhelm you, and it’s always good to pick up a book and just read. But what you don’t need to do is you shouldn’t chat all day with your girlfriends about the upcoming date and that he is the one, “the only one”! And yes, it’s not worth talking about relationships. Also, before a date, you should not meet with your mother, grandmother, or someone who cannot wait until you get married and have children. They will rush you, and in this case it is inopportune.

Some men like to elicit women’s secrets, but you shouldn’t tell anything extra about yourself. Be careful with your answers. If a man asks how long you are going to live in your apartment, say that you like it. Don’t say you’re hoping to meet a man and move into a bigger apartment with him… Sometimes, when you hear a question that’s too personal, it’s best to just smile and say, «I’d rather not talk about it for now.»

Be warm, but independent, so that the man does not feel that you are counting on his care. This applies to both the first date and the fifteenth date.

By the way, how often should you meet? Answer: more often than just busy people, and less often than completely idle people. If you start dating every day, this will not last long, and most likely the man will get tired of it. In addition, busy and serious people, that is, people like you, with all the greatest desire, can no longer afford it. In total — we make appointments in such a way as to keep the man in a state of ardent interest.

The first month you meet with a man once a week. In the second month — two or three times a week. After that, you can meet three or four times. But never meet more than four or five times a week, no matter how confident you are in the seriousness of your relationship. Every day you need to live nearby when you become a family, and if you are just dating, then your loved one must feel that in order to see you seven times a week, you need to marry.

Yes, you are in love and want to date more, but if you want to get married, don’t make yourself too available. Men love sports and games—football, hockey, tennis—because they like competition. Become a precious prize!

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.