How to behave a girl to get married

The fact that getting married is not the most important thing in a girl’s life, the girls understand, having already married and faced with the fact that this is not at all like the life of a fairy-tale princess in a magical castle. In a good way, not all girls can be allowed to marry: I don’t want to spoil the life of either them or young people; however, fighting the fact that girls want to get married is pointless. Moreover, this goal is not bad: in the movement towards this goal, girls can both grow wiser and get acquainted with what self-control, discipline and management of their emotions are. It is possible to get married successfully by accident, but by chance becoming a good wife will not work, here you need to already be able to take care of yourself and follow the rules. So, if, in an effort to get married, a girl teaches herself to follow the rules, teaches herself to subordinate her desires and impulses to what is “necessary,” she will learn one of the most important life lessons. And that’s already great.

My daughters have read Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider’s The Rules. How to Marry the Man of Your Dreams,” she seemed practical to them, and for me it turned out to be a good reason for me to write an article about it and even include an interesting task related to this book in the curriculum of the University of Practical Psychology. I used the materials of my daughters, supplementing my observations on how prudent girls act. A lot of these recommendations seem controversial to me, but I know that many girls use these tips with success. So, other girls have the right to know about it. And by the way, let the men be warned about this.

So, lovely girls and charming women, you are the rules!

In any business there are rules, there are rules for building relationships with men, and you should know them so as not to make unnecessary mistakes. If you behave correctly, the man calls you and invites you. If a girl tells herself and others that he is “just afraid of commitment” or “not ready for a relationship”, there are two options: either the girl is not attractive at all, or, most likely, she is misbehaving with him. If you want to get married, how to behave correctly?

First, you are always happy. Once you can be nice to a young man, sometimes cool, but this does not negate the main thing: your inner “Good”, inner well-being. You always have cheerful eyes and a sunny smile. You never complain, you never get upset (can you handle it? It’s necessary), you don’t speak ill of anyone. You always behave politely, like an English queen surrounded by lovely subjects.

Second, you take care of your appearance and look great. It is clear that you do not have any bad habits (is it already so?), this is incompatible with your task. You eat right, you do sports and dances that are useful for you, you have an elegant figure, you are always dressed feminine, neat, bright and tasteful. You know the details of this science better than we do. We are about relationships. So here it is

The third and main thing is that you treat men well, but you do not aspire to get married, you are not in love with anyone and you are not very interested in relationships. Every detail is important here.

First, you treat men well. You have a positive outlook on life, you like to live, you treat people well and men in particular. You do not like to complain, you are not offended by anyone, you do not plan to take revenge on anyone, the men are not goats and bastards, no one betrayed you — and so on, everything is fine with you. Deal?

Second, you don’t want to get married. In any conversation with a man, never say «I want to get married.» For men, this wording sounds completely different from how it is heard by girls, it sounds for them the same way as for girls it would sound from a man “I want a woman.” Men hear «I want to get married» as «I want to be on the neck of a man so that he can support me and take care of me.» It’s another matter if you once say: “Of course, you always want to have a close person nearby who you can take care of, with whom you can build a happy relationship!” — The content is the same, but it sounds attractive.

Third and most importantly, you are not against relationships with men, but men need this more, not you. An excellent strategy is “ice and fire”, when you easily move into a warm and close relationship, but you nip any man’s claims on you (such as “Now you are my property”) in the bud. If you like a man, why not be warm and frank with him, why not take his palm in your palm or put your hands on his chest, convincing him of some trifle? This promises a man a future of warmth and joy, but if he came today unshaven or looks bored, run the back of your fingers thoughtfully over his stubble and say seriously: “You are not in a good mood today. Let’s meet another time when you’re ahead of me!» You do not depend on his decisions, you have a life that suits you perfectly, and you can easily “click a man in the nose” if he suddenly showed disrespect to you even in the smallest detail. This is one of the most important moments of your tactics: to behave in such a way that the man is more interested in the relationship than you are.

Why is it so important? Men are not like women, they are hunters by nature. Real men do not need easy prey, they need to achieve and conquer. Women who call men, ask them out on dates, “accidentally” buy two tickets to a show or offer to have sex on the first date, deprive men of ambition and hunting instinct. Men are born to be hunters, they need to chase prey — otherwise their interest fades.

As Bob Marley wrote, “If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy to get. And if it’s affordable, it won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, don’t give up. And if you give up, you are not worthy. In fact, anyone will hurt you. You just have to find someone who is worth your suffering.»

Therefore, your task is to make the man feel every minute that he needs your relationship more than you. You know the signs: the one who speaks first and the last to say goodbye is more interested in relationships, who speaks more than a partner, who has a more interested face, who suffers from a breakup, who can put aside all other affairs for the sake of relationships and forgive disrespect for himself … So you should behave differently.

How?

If you are not yet very experienced on the love front, keep yourself more restrained: do not throw interested glances at men, look and smile “nowhere”, look relaxed and free. Over time, as you begin to understand men better, you can allow yourself to take more risks, be the first to take the initiative — but for now, just be friendly. Why, if a man and a woman made eye contact, not smile and say: “Good afternoon!”? This is normal, as well as the delay in looking at a man who suddenly interested you. A confident woman can linger on the man she likes and wait until his eyes meet yours. Keep looking into them for about three seconds, and then smile and look away, very slowly, but not embarrassed. Nothing more needs to be done. Don’t look at the man anymore. Your appearance attracts everyone, and your look attracts the elite.

On the first date, a woman’s gaze should be riveted to a man, only coquetry and a riddle should be read in it. This, like self-confidence, does not come immediately, and the look can easily be (yet!) replaced by your sweet courtesy: in a cafe, discuss the interior, look at your food, consider the restaurant visitors. Show interest in life, other people, pictures on the walls, but do not show a special interest in a man: he should be interested in you, not you in him. If he does not do this, this man is simply not yours.

When a man invites you somewhere, mentally count to five and only then agree. This will make him nervous, and that’s a good thing!

On the other hand, when a man invites you to take a walk and eat ice cream, go to a bar or to a football game, and you would like to have a romantic dinner, don’t be mean, agree. Remember: you are hard to win, but you are easy to live with! It will be possible to go to an expensive restaurant another time.

You don’t talk to a man first and ask him to dance — let him take the initiative. You do not allow yourself phrases like «let’s have coffee» and «do you often come here?» Leave these wonderful phrases to your young man! When a man tries to set you up with a date, don’t say, «I’ll be right in your area!» and do not offer restaurants that are between your and his addresses, unless the man himself asks. Let the man work himself to find a place that will be convenient for you. He will be proud of his success — do not deprive him of this joy!

No matter how much you like a man, you don’t look for reasons to meet and don’t rush to develop relationships: it’s easy to start a relationship, it’s just that nothing serious comes out of such relationships. Do not call a man when you are bored and want attention. A man may start to entertain you, but after that he will never marry you. If you really think about your (and your) future, you behave with restraint: you do not offer to discuss at dinner what can be discussed on the phone. You don’t call first. You do not call back, even when he called, and you did not have time to take that.u. It’s okay to call back if your plans have changed, you won’t be able to come, or you’ll be very late. But never call a man just to chat!

What if a man left you a message on a Tuesday night and you’re dying to spend Saturday night with him? Should I call back on Tuesday? NO! It will become quite clear to the man that you are calling to arrange a date on Saturday. It is better if he calls you back on Wednesday evening (this is the deadline) and offers to meet on Saturday. And if he doesn’t call back on Wednesday, then let him suffer without you on Saturday. You will suffer too, but it is worth the right future prospects.

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Another rule of yours is that you always put that one next to it. You are the first to say goodbye during a phone call and press the «End Call» button — simply because men are nice, but this is not the most important thing in your life.

You’re busy. You are very busy! «I have a million things to do!» is your favorite phrase. And it is true! Serious men don’t marry fools, so you really need to have a to-do list for every day. Start writing your deeds for yourself, just think about the main thing: you must become worthy of the most worthy man. In addition to work, look for good trainings: they will teach you to think there (men appreciate this), plus it’s easy to get to know each other there. Indeed, it’s stupid to surf the Internet, but it’s important to be where promising men are.

Imagine: everything worked out for you, you got married. What will happen next in your relationship if a man suddenly discovers that you are not busy at all and just hung noodles on his ears? This is a very undesirable option. If you start saying that you are busy, really start arranging your life so that you have a lot of important and smart things to do. Start writing your tasks for the day and follow this plan.

You are busy, so when a man calls you himself, do not talk to him for more than 10 minutes. You are busy, so you should end your conversations, like dates, first. Yes, sometimes with regret, because you were pleased next to him, but … «I’m sorry, I have to go already!». By ending the conversation first, you make a man want a new conversation. Here are some more good phrases to end the conversation: “I have a million things to do”, “I had a pleasure to chat with you”, “I’m a little busy now”, “My mobile is ringing, I need to run!”, only let them sound in your performance politely! If you’re having a hard time taking care of yourself, set a timer on your mobile phone and when it rings, you’ll honestly say, «I really need to go!» The timer rings — you say goodbye. And remain mysterious and desirable.

You are busy, so you need to make an appointment with you three days in advance. Three days — remember! If a man calls later than Wednesday, do not agree to a Saturday date: you are busy! If he calls on Thursday and casually asks, “Honey, what are you doing on Saturday night?”, you can politely refuse him. In your sweetest voice, say, «Oh, I’m sorry, but I already have plans.» A couple of times a man will get a bummer, after that he will begin to treat meetings with you more carefully. Ideally, a man should ask you out at the end of the last date. If he wants to meet you on Saturday, he should call on Monday or Tuesday.

You need to follow the format from the very beginning of your relationship. If a man dates you at the last minute, then he will be just as inattentive in family life. Accustom him to the desired format of relationships, this will be the key to a warm relationship in the future, and this is necessary for both you and him.

If you quickly become attached, these rules can be difficult to follow. Therefore, restrain yourself, do not rush to become attached. Only when you are ready to part with a man, he will understand that he must be with you. Men propose when they realize that they can lose the one they love.

The development of your relationship should be like a slow dance, where the leader is a man. At least he should think so. He should be the first to say, “I love you. I miss you. I told my parents so much about you. They want to get to know you.» A man should be an open book, you are a mystery. When he wants to solve you seriously and makes you an offer, do not resist: offer to discuss the “Basics of the Family Agreement” questionnaire with him and honestly discuss with your loved one everything that awaits you in the family. Probably, these will be wonderful discussions, after which, perhaps, you will have an even more life together.

And now — explanations and comments to the comments.

First. As the comments showed, girls do not understand the difference between «love», «relationship» and «married». This article is not about how to create a warm and reliable relationship, and certainly not about how to live with love. This article is for those girls who want to get married. If you follow these rules, you will get married faster than your girlfriends, but no one will tell you whether there will be warm relationships and love in your family. Warm or bright relationships are created in a different way, Love — which is capitalized — is born especially in other conditions. About this — another article, namely «How to marry happily.» However, one does not exclude the other, and if you try and learn, you will have everything. But you need to learn, and not just wait and hope.

Second. Once again, “relationships” and “getting married” are two different things. Warm and sincere relationships are created by warmth, openness and sincerity, but they do not at all guarantee that you will get married with this approach. And sometimes you have to choose. Many men are drawn to close and warm relationships, but are afraid of family. They will go into a relationship with pleasure, but they will not call you for marriage. If that suits you, great! If it is more important for you to get married, then you need to build your tactics in a different way: as it is written in the article.

Third. The rules described in the article do not at all guarantee that a man of interest to you will make you an offer. She guarantees something else: you will not waste time on those men who will kiss with pleasure, and they will not make you a serious offer. Is the difference clear?

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​The fourth. If you successfully marry on the basis of the rules of this article, no one promises you a wonderful family that will take place by itself. No, this is a separate science, the Fundamentals of the Family Contract questionnaire will really help you, but it does not guarantee anything either. A worthy family is created only by worthy and educated people, and you will see for yourself how much you and your chosen one managed to do.

Well, the fifth. I like these rules most of all because they are difficult for girls and require self-control and self-organization from them. If a girl manages to become stronger than her feelings and begins to behave reasonably in order to get married, she thereby already creates the basis for later behaving reasonably in the family. This is a great study. In any case, remember: no matter what recommendations you give, the smart ones get smarter from them, and the stupid ones make even more mistakes.

Good luck to you!

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.