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Many situations in life require us to act, but we are… scared. We know that it is in our interests, but we delay the moment until the last moment. How to become bolder even for those who are timid?
By avoiding decisive action and delaying events, we only increase fear. Unfortunately, it’s human nature to find every possible excuse to put off choices that are unpleasant for us.
The problem is that everything has a price. Every time we avoid something, it increases our excitement, and the event or the conversation that we are trying to put off only becomes more frightening in our imagination. This is how many phobias are formed, by the way.
In the end, we come to the conclusion that much of what we once postponed until better times – we didn’t learn the language, didn’t do what our partner asked us to do many times – begins to directly affect our career or relationships.
In addition, without acting decisively and boldly (at least in small things), we eventually lose emotional stability, the ability to quickly recover from stress.
Such resilience is acquired from constantly overcoming challenges, albeit small ones.
What we lack is not even emotional stability. This is the moment, the impulse, when we, without hesitation or hesitation, rush forward, as if into cold water, to do what we consider right and necessary, instead of stomping on the shore. You just need to minimize your chances of fear and leave only chances for action.
How to be bold
1. Don’t think too long
It is especially difficult to decide when you are afraid of being rejected. But our courage and determination have one strange quality – they melt over time. And the longer you wait, the less you have left. So if you decide to come up and talk to someone or, conversely, dot the i’s and leave, don’t wait – do it.
2. Focus on crossing the threshold
If you have an unpleasant conversation with one of the family members, determine for yourself what you want to say and what result to come to. And then forget about it for a while and concentrate only on saying the first phrase.
It happens that some people can’t muster up the courage to say, “We need to talk,” for weeks. Don’t worry about how your conversation will go. To enter into a situation is to half win the battle.
3. Stop being afraid of speaking or interviewing
If you don’t often speak in front of a large audience, start small. Ask for directions several times in a row. Act despite the fear, it will pass very soon. The main thing here is the number of repetitions.
Get used to the sound of your voice and being heard and answered, and then work on mastery of the audience
Read a humorous story in front of someone at home. You will very soon want to read in faces, with expression. Take breaks, look at the reaction of the audience. She will be very violent! You will come to tomorrow’s interview already as a person who knows how to control the audience.
4. Think about how good it will be for you later
When we hesitate to even approach a problem, it is exhausting. Think back to how you felt after school exams. When you finally do away with what has been scaring you for so long, you will experience the same freedom.
5. Imagine how many new doors will open for you
This is especially true for those moments when it is difficult for you to say goodbye to what you have long grown out of. How to end a relationship that continues by inertia?
How do you get the courage to change your life if it’s surrounded by old uncomfortable furniture, in a place you don’t like? Change will take you a lot of time and resources, but the result will bring relief.
6. Give yourself a precise time
Sign up for a gym or doctor beforehand. Even if it is a conversation with someone close who is always there, a specific date will make the event inevitable.
7. Take the first step together
A proven way to stop being afraid is to take the first step together. We need the support of those who know us well and who believe in us.
Feel free to ask your friends to come with you for an interview.
If it is difficult to come to a psychologist and finally sort out your problems, start with trainings in a group, where there will be many of you and everyone will be in an equal position. You will receive not only the support of a psychologist, but also the help of group members.
Someone is endowed with greater courage from birth, someone is more timid. But this does not mean that you will remain the same tomorrow. Start working on internal stability, train your communication skills. All this is quite real.
About the Author: Amy Morin is a psychotherapist and bestselling author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Do.