We all wander in search of the sacred, looking for our Holy Grail … Sounds too pathetic? But it can be put more simply: during our lives we have to grow up. For Jungian analyst James Hollis, this means learning to endure anxiety and take charge of your own destiny.
№ 1
“The task of liberating one’s life from the power of those manifold forces that influence it in one way or another becomes urgent. And you need to start by taking responsibility for your life. If you do not like the way you live, do everything in your power to start living differently, but do not blame others, even if they did wrong to you. You are an adult, and you have the right to adult actions. You need to ask yourself and no one else for what kind of life you have to live.
№ 2
“When we are afraid, we are all waiting for magical help: we are looking for true theology, true psychology, the right diet, the right mantra, the right partner — that is, everything that can save us from death. The desire for magical solutions reflects our longing for instantaneous transformation, liberation and protection. This is the fantasy of a primitive mind, flickering under the guise of our civilized «I».
We can’t help ourselves and want a miracle. At the same time, sooner or later we will face the challenge of abandoning magic and opening up to the universe in all its charm and horror. Sooner or later we will have to face the need to grow up. And when we begin to grow up, we will have to do this daily, because the fear that haunts us will become new every day.
№ 3
“We must make the journey bigger, become adults, not frightened children. It is one thing when a person has a frightened child inside: he exists with all of us, but something fundamentally different is to turn your life around and direct it to this child. A therapist friend of mine once told me that in the first session she can determine whether the person who comes to her is a big or a small child. The former want to become adults, take responsibility, and often this happens painfully, while the latter are still looking for mom and dad to soothe their pain and longing.
№ 4
“The burden of meaning will indeed fall on our shoulders. Obviously, it will seem very difficult to us. We have to accept the fact that there are no parents to show us the way, no gurus and no ideology to save us from the complexity and ambiguity of life. The level of our individual development depends on two factors: on our willingness to take responsibility for our own myth, and on our ability to maintain the uncertainty that always precedes new understanding. This task is key both from the point of view of the health of an individual and society as a whole.”
№ 5
“To form a mature relationship with others, a person must be able to say to himself: “No one can give me what I most want and need most. This can only be done by myself. But I can welcome and support relationships that have a positive basis.” As a rule, partnerships between people are characterized by mutual respect, mutual support and the dialectic of opposites.
№ 6
“Obviously, psychological or spiritual development will always require us to be more tolerant of anxiety and ambiguity. The ability to accept this difficult state, to be in it and not change your life — this is the moral measure of our maturity.
№ 7
“The attainment of a mature spirituality can be considered a matter of course only when we are fully aware of the fact that our Ego is only a small part of a big puzzle. She, this riddle, continues her work outside of us, in space and nature, in other people, but also in us. And we are called to ask ourselves serious, bold questions, because without these probing questions, we simply slide into old patterns that will not benefit us or our culture.”
№ 8
“The second half of life provides an excellent opportunity for spiritual growth. Now, more than ever, we have the power to choose, to draw conclusions from personal history. We are emotionally stable. We have a half-word understanding of what works for us and what is against, we are still full of deep, sometimes even desperate determination to win back our lives for ourselves. We successfully survived its first half, and that alone means a lot. Moreover, we will be credited with how these accumulated forces will be applied and whether they will be used at all to rid us of the burden of the past.
№ 9
“Ultimately, we realize that our journey is our home, and comfort in this home depends on the questions we ask. If our main concern is how to find safety and acceptance, or how to avoid wandering, then we will forever be the lost children of our lost, frightened parents, wandering in our inner wilderness.”
№ 10
“Before every vital step, it is quite reasonable to ask ourselves the question: “Will this path lead to growth or to limitation?” We usually get an answer to it right away. We recognize it intuitively, instinctively, with our gut. Choosing the path that leads to growth will definitely mean choosing individuation. The gods want us to grow up, taking step by step towards that higher calling that each soul carries within itself as destiny. The choice that leads to personal growth rather than regression will serve well as we navigate our way through a hectic, idol-worshipping, but barren time. This path will in due time lead us to meet the person we are called to be.”
Quotations from the books “In search of a divine abode” (Klass, 2008), “Life as a journey” (Klass, 2009), “A pass in the middle of the path” (Cogito Center, 2011), “Finding meaning in the second half of life. How to finally become a truly adult” (Cogito-Center, 2013).