How to become a leader: 10 rules from Irina Khakamada

Become the leader of your life and the rest will follow. But for this you need to be prepared to take risks. You have to pay for happiness. Being sad and unhappy is always free, take it all you want. And to be happy, you have to take risks.

I was a fat, tongue-tied, insecure woman, dressed in such a way that men shied away. It took me a long time to change and understand what I’m talking about today. Hopefully it will take you much less time.

What else is required to become a leader?

1. Take responsibility

The main quality of a leader is the ability to take responsibility. You are responsible for your life and for yourself, for your business, for other people. You are risking your money. In Russia nobody wants to be responsible. We live in a country where there has never been a leader, only bosses or leaders. But the leader differs from the authorities in that leadership is given voluntarily, you are the best, we have chosen you.

In Russia, this quality is easy to develop – no one in our country cares about you. And no one will do anything for you. Really won’t. The only way out is to take your life into your own hands.

The leader blames no one. As soon as you start blaming the failures on the country, the authorities, your partner, that’s all – you are not a leader. If you have a complete collapse in your life – at work, in your personal life, with children, then in this most difficult situation, the leader says: it means that something is wrong in me. If I am a leader, then, in spite of everything around, I will still arrange my world, make it so that I feel good.

All people are divided into two categories: people “if” and people “when”. Leader is “when”. He is time oriented. This concept is internal, existential. But they are not born. I have never been a leader, I became one only at 38. Start changing at least something, at least in your personal life.

2. Learn to communicate

They don’t know how to do this in Russia. We create conflicts from scratch. We do not know how to listen and hear. And for leadership, interpersonal communication is extremely important: the ability to be charming, flexible, the ability to speak and self-learn.

When I got into politics, I invented the “aikido” way of communicating. What does it mean? If they say to me: “Ira, you are a fool,” I answer: “Yes, I agree.” And I go and do what I think is right. They ran into me – I missed it and went to do it. Never prove anything. You don’t have to measure anything. Especially in the men’s team, it will not end with anything good. Sit, listen, earn.

Never respond to an insult in kind. Agree! And you will see how much information you will extract. Every interlocutor, every meeting is information. Learn to listen. But if they ask your opinion, then you need to speak very harshly, clearly and professionally.

3. Learn to live in an era of turbulence

Our time is called turbulence. Any country goes through three stages on the way to its development:

• turbulence. When the institutions don’t work, the judicial system doesn’t work, there is no private property system. And everything stopped. Or, as in the USA, everything developed, but it reached its limit, and the global crisis of 2008 broke out;
• statics — all the institutions have been created, everything works fine, there is stability all around. These are some European countries – Denmark, Sweden, Switzerland. They live wonderfully and ask them not to be touched and not to be involved in world problems;
• dynamics. The time when social institutions have gained so much positive that it has turned into quality and new technologies are emerging, there is a scientific boom. Japan experienced this in the 60s, the United States – until the last crisis. Today, this period is experienced by China, where flexible social institutions have been created, India, where both traditional and democratic institutions work, and Brazil.

Development in these countries has gone up sharply. But all of them are in dire need of natural resources. There is no water in China, nothing in Japan, Singapore. As you have noticed, the most efficient and developed economies do not have raw materials and depend on the countries with raw materials. What is their way out? Take technology, create an alternative so as not to depend on oil and gas.

Now these technologies are still expensive, but computers once cost a fortune. Today in Italy, solar panels are already being distributed free of charge to farmers. The future is coming faster than we can imagine.

4. Train your professional intuition

Success does not equal happiness. I was successful, but I wasn’t happy. Therefore, money in achieving success is in second place. You need exactly that much money to realize your ideas. And not to wake up every day with the thought: God, I hate this job, but I will die of hunger if I don’t do it.

How is today different from the 90s? When Russia was the collective unconscious, rules worked there. So I was successful, but not very happy. I asked myself – what’s wrong with you? Are you all right. What are you up to? And suddenly I realized that I was bad. It was at that moment that I became a leader. I took responsibility for my life and for the risks.

6. Be individual – make your own soup

Today is the time of postmodern, fusion. Everything was mixed up. You have to hear everything, combine and combine, cook your own soup – add whatever you want to the soup. If you like it, others will like it too.

Life is movement. Why do all the walls in Japanese houses move? Why are Japanese designers obsessed with asymmetry? Because life is asymmetry, movement. The classics are gone, you get tired of it, you want to throw out your suit, tie and put on jeans and sneakers.

If you want to rely on yourself, you need to understand that you are moving, cook your soup according to your recipe, you are the master of your life. Today it is easier than ever to do this, there are a million possibilities. Create your own rules. In Soviet times, we were cogs in a large mechanism. Now is the time for individuals.

7. Master a profession

Earn a profession in your hands. This is insurance, this is the base that will help you survive in the most difficult time. Learn all the time, get new information. Once in Oxford I gave a lecture and met a girl from Russia there. She herself entered there, studying to be a philologist. And at the same time he works in the most famous bank. She says, “You have no idea what an experience it is. Now I can do everything! I will never disappear anywhere.”

Your profession is what gives you money, so till the age of 30 plow, master the profession.

8. Don’t look to authorities

In times of turbulence, there are no authorities. You are your own authority. This is another uniqueness of our time and a new phenomenon. All leaders today in social networks. The neighbor becomes the authority, the one you like, the connections have become horizontal, not vertical. Many experts believe that social networks will replace all social institutions in the next 30 years.

And today there are no leaders. You make your own country. You are the leader. I don’t have exclusive authority. Nobody led me by the hand. I taught myself everything. Learn from everyone. The main thing is to open your ears and act. My secret is that if an idea comes to my mind, I do it the next day.

9. Know how to take a hit

Do not fall into hysterics from every failure, stay calm, do not be nervous. Because on the way to success it shakes a lot, and if you get hysterical every time, you won’t last long, you will start making mistakes. Every tantrum is a big waste of energy.

Don’t be afraid to fall! This is fine. Leaders if they fall, then seriously. The faster and higher you fly, the more it hurts. Because if you went up sharply, it means that someone or something has taken you out. And at some point, this something will get tired and his hands will drop. Be prepared for this.

How to take a hit? My main principle is to die early. Only the samurai who is already dead wins in a deadly battle. Die. For example, you are bankrupt and go for a loan? Are you on a key date with the girl of your dreams? Are you unemployed and going for an interview?

Live the worst-case scenario in your head. And imagine what you will do after that. Clearly and specifically describe your steps after the defeat. And then, like in a movie, scroll the “film” back to the first frame, and go into battle. You will immediately see how your heart stops beating and you go on a date, for a loan or for an interview in a completely different state.

When, during the election campaign, bandits pressed me and threatened that they would kill me if I did not withdraw my candidacy, I said: “I don’t care.” I really didn’t care. I thought – so much work spent, and leave? I wasn’t scared. And it is felt. Such people are afraid.

10. Don’t be afraid of despair

All smart people go through terrible crises and depressions. Only fools are happy with everything and live like plants in pots. How to translate despair into a positive direction?

I have developed two methods. The first is to beat yourself up. Like in a crisis. Fall to the very bottom. I went to the country, lay in bed for a week, did not communicate with anyone. I told myself how awful I was a loser and stuff like that. I felt sorry for myself, and I even began to like being unhappy. But at some point the body gets tired of it, and it says: but life goes on! I’m not dead, the sun is shining. Things are good! And you get up and move on.

The second way is an asymmetric response. When my party did not get into the Duma, I took it and put forward my candidacy for the presidency. All my party colleagues reveled in grief, and I went to the presidential campaign.

At that moment, my child fell ill with blood cancer. It was possible to sit in the hospital and die, but my husband helped me, he said – if you now get strength and energy from your work, then Masha will recover. On the day I received my percentage of votes, Masha went into remission.