How to become a charming person: 5 secrets

We know such people: they attract attention, command respect and do not put effort into it. They are always at the center of the fun and make friends wherever they go. There is something about them that makes others want to spend as much time with them as possible. We wish we had that “something” too.

We can develop this elusive “something” in ourselves. Charm is not an innate quality, it is not transmitted genetically. This is a combination of several factors that makes a person more attractive and pleasant in the eyes of others. It’s not about how you were born. It’s about habits and attitudes that you can change. This will make you one of those everyone’s favorites that you were jealous of yesterday.

1. Use body language

It is often said about charming people: “He filled the whole space with himself.” This is explained simply: they behave in such a way that they become more noticeable. They attract attention and hold it. Even if you try very hard to be distracted by someone else, your attention will still return to these people.

Why is this happening? Maybe it’s the unearthly beauty and perfect figure? Not at all. External data, of course, can help, but they are indirectly related to charm. It’s not about how the body looks, it’s about how you use it.

These people “include” the body in communication, the process of expressing an opinion, telling a story or an anecdote. This holds attention and makes the person more interesting and attractive.

If you use gestures during a conversation, you can illustrate the story, put emphasis on the right moments. Show what you are talking about. Talking about hugs, you can bring your hands together; speaking of depression, you can lower your shoulders and hang your arms lifelessly down; clenched fists can be raised to illustrate a story of a quarrel or indignation. These techniques make words more vital, real. Short and precise gestures like clapping or tapping will add emphasis to words.

Don’t limit yourself to gestures, use facial expressions. A warm and sincere smile relaxes and pleases the one to whom it is addressed. The person understands what you like. Complement the smile with eye contact that lasts a little longer than two to three seconds.

Nod your head as you listen to show that you are engaged in the conversation and that you are interested. Three small nods are perceived as the words “Very interesting, please continue.” If your face expresses the emotions that match the words, it makes you more expressive and charming in the eyes of the interlocutor, he feels an offer to share your emotions, to join them. The stony expression is repulsive, the person seems arrogant, cold and not very kind. This is the opposite of a charming personality.

2. Find common ground

A charming person makes you feel like you’ve known each other for a long time, even if you just met. You may have different lifestyles and dissimilar interests, but you still feel like there is something in common. How do they do it? Focus on what unites you.

It may be a similar life experience, a common interest in a topic, even if it comes down to one song heard on the radio, concurring opinions on some issue, which may be insignificant. If you want to connect with a person, find common ground. The more of them, the easier you find them and the more you express joy about this, the faster a sense of trust and mutual understanding will arise. Feeling that a person is similar to us, we automatically begin to feel sympathy for him, we are drawn to communication.

To find common ground, you need to listen carefully. When charming people listen to someone, they often put in the words “Yes,” “That’s right,” and “I understand you.” This allows the interlocutor to feel that he is accepted and understood that his experience matters. We like people who make us feel that way.

Disagreeing, such people first focus on what they agree with. They show that the interlocutor’s opinion has the right to exist and is no worse than their own: “You noticed it well”, “I understand what you are talking about”, “Quite reasonable”. And when these words are followed by the inevitable “but”, it is not perceived as something unpleasant, because you understand that the person listened to you and recognized the right to think as you see fit. In an argument, he tries to emphasize that, despite disagreeing on some issues, you have a lot in common.

3. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable

Many people think that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. This is especially true for men: if you admit that you are scared, confused or in need of help, then you are not a real man. In fact, people who allow themselves to be vulnerable are confident. They know themselves and are not afraid that people will get to know them for real, this is inspiring.

We often think that those we admire are flawless. They have everything under control. They do not make mistakes, go to the goal, despite the obstacles. We admire their strength and confidence, but we don’t feel like we belong to them. We perceive them as a kind of ideal that knows all the questions for all the answers, while we, mere mortals, are mired in petty unsolvable problems. Therefore, manifestations of vulnerability and imperfection have a powerful effect on us. We continue to admire the idol, but now we feel closer to him. We feel like we are the same. That these perfect people experience the same things that we do and make mistakes just like we do. Moreover, vulnerability makes them more “real” in our eyes.

In a world where everything is retouched, where we try every day to show the best version of ourselves and our lives, authenticity becomes a powerful communication tool. It demonstrates a high degree of self-confidence: a person accepts and recognizes not only his strengths, but also weaknesses, allows himself to experience the full range of emotions and does not consider it shameful to show sympathy for a new acquaintance (for example, for you), love for friends and family, or experience fear and pain in a difficult situation. Such openness requires courage, courage attracts like a magnet.

Do not confuse vulnerability with emotional incontinence. A person who endlessly complains about life and is constantly on the verge of hysteria and sobs does not become attractive. Vulnerability does not mean that you take out all the feelings on others, without paying attention to context, timeliness and appropriateness, and does not mean that others are responsible for your emotional state. Vulnerability is not only accepting your emotions, but also taking responsibility for them. They may make you look imperfect, but that makes you who you are.

4. Take the initiative

This is one of the main differences between charming people. They don’t wait for something to happen by itself. They take and do, even if there is not the slightest certainty of success. That is why they are so attractive: we admire people who easily take responsibility and demonstrate faith in our strengths.

Most people tend to wait for the right moment and test the ground for a long time before doing something or expressing an opinion. Charming people confidently move forward, as if they were born for this. Imagine yourself at a party where you don’t know anyone. How tempting is it to snuggle up against the wall and just wait to be introduced to someone or told where to go? A person who knows how to charm will be the first to get acquainted. For him, this is like a gift of fate, because he can meet a friend whom he did not know before. He will introduce other people at the party himself, throwing them interesting topics for conversation.

A charming person will not modestly listen to a conversation, afraid to put in a word. He will create this conversation himself, will ask questions and listen with interest to the answers. He will easily move the topic of conversation to one in which he can unfold by simply saying “Your words reminded me of one case when …” His speech will slip through phrases holding attention like “Do you understand what I mean?” feeling?” or “I think everyone has a similar story.” This creates that same sense of community and belonging.

In the company, the voice of charming people sounds a little louder, their gestures and facial expressions complement the speech, and this is how they “fill the whole space with themselves.” Their confident demeanor has nothing to do with aggression or dominance. Trying to overwhelm those around you and look your best doesn’t make anyone charming. The essence of charm is in the interest in other people, and not in the desire to come to the fore.

5. Inspire

We love these people because they make us feel good. Moreover, we begin to feel better about ourselves, and this is truly an invaluable gift. How do they do it? It’s very simple: they show with all their might how they admire us, how fun and interesting it is with us. And, most importantly, they do it quite sincerely, finding something beautiful and unique in every person.

It takes us to the heights of emotional bliss. We tend to withhold approval, as if a person has to earn it and a kind word is a reward. Artificial admiration, aimed at winning over oneself, is in the realm of emotional abuse. When was the last time someone admired you? How did you feel at that moment, how much did you not want communication with this person to end? Imagine that someone is enthusiastic about even a small achievement. How does it raise your self-esteem and self-confidence, how much strength does it give?

Remember the feeling when your words or feelings coincide so much with the words and feelings of another that you joyfully give “five”? Excitement, togetherness, euphoria. This feeling is a gift that charming people give out to everyone around for free.

They laugh at jokes, always rejoice in success and put it into words, infect you with a smile and optimism. They believe in you, thereby helping you to believe in yourself. They give attention without a trace. They listen and ask questions. They bring positive, creative energy with them and share it. They want you to feel good.

This positive attitude and belief that you are a wonderful and amazing person makes them irresistible in our eyes. For the sake of this feeling, we seek communication with them. Charm may seem like a rare magical gift, but it’s a matter of habits, behavior, and attitudes towards others.