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Stephen King, Lev Landau, Albert Einstein… Many of them admit that they were timid and indecisive in childhood. But everyone found their own way to deal with this problem. Here are some of them.
Lev Landau method
Walk towards your fears
Nobel Prize winner, physicist Lev Landau suffered greatly because of his own shyness. It often seemed to him that people around him saw his absurdity and secretly laughed at him. Then he decided to knock out a wedge with a wedge – to go towards what drove him into fear. His biographers give such a story. “Will you kindly answer one question?” – Lev turns to the self-confident bearded man, who looks like a Nepman. He stops. “Why are you wearing a beard?” Leo continues in the same gracious tone. To disaccustom himself to worry about someone else’s opinion, he walked along Nevsky Prospekt with a balloon tied to his hat.
Mahatma Gandhi Method
Make others need you
Mahatma Gandhi was very shy about speaking in public and talking to other people. He also had difficulty standing up for his opinion. Having chosen the profession of a lawyer, Gandhi at first felt uncomfortable: he did not succeed in public speeches, he confused words and had poor self-control. In the end, he decided to change the situation and went to work in South Africa, where many Indians worked. It was there that recognition came to him: many compatriots who faced injustice turned to him for help, and he tried not to refuse anyone. So Gandhi not only gained communication experience, but also realized his main goal – to fight for the rights of the oppressed.
“One of the best ways to overcome social anxiety is to volunteer, to do social work related to helping other people,” advises Bernardo Garducci, psychologist and director of the Institute for the Study of Shyness at Southeast Indiana University (USA). – First, you will master the skills of behavior in different social situations. Secondly, you will feel useful and needed, and this will give you strength.
Gloria Estefan method
Find your inspiration
The future famous singer Gloria Estefan was so shy that it seemed that a musical career was closed to her. But her future husband Emilio, who saw in her a huge talent, constantly pushed her to work on herself. “Emilio saw in me what I could not show to other people,” Gloria later admitted. “People mistook my shyness for coldness and lifelessness. He tried to give me confidence.”
Shy people who are often overcome by self-doubt need a support group. “It is important that this is not a deliverer who would reassure you, and not a persecutor who would criticize your mistakes,” emphasizes Bernardo Garducci. “You need someone who will push you to action, to development.” Such a mentor can be a coach, coach or just a close person. And for the inventor Thomas Edison, the artist Pablo Picasso and the musician Ray Charles, the mother was such a living talisman. “My mother told me: “If you become a soldier, you will become a general. If you become a monk, you will become a pope.” Instead, I became a Picasso artist,” Picasso said.
Stephen King method
Don’t give yourself time to doubt
In an interview, writer Stephen King said: “There are a million opportunities for self-doubt. If I write quickly, writing down the plot as it comes to mind, only checking the names and salient points of the characters’ biographies, I manage to maintain the initial enthusiasm and at the same time escape from the self-doubts that are just waiting for the moment.
“The ability to think deeply should not be confused with the tendency to obsess over something,” says psychologist Barr Taylor. The more a shy person thinks about the problems they may face, the more their anxiety grows. On the contrary, if you find yourself in a situation that causes you anxiety, you are more likely to understand how to act.
Eleanor Roosevelt Method
Think of others, not yourself
Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of American President Franklin Roosevelt, suffered from timidity and shyness all her life. However, she was able to overcome this trait of her character by making empathy her forte. She supported women and blacks in their fight for equal rights, winning the love of many ordinary Americans. Psychologist Susan Cain believes that Eleanor Roosevelt managed to transform her sensitivity into altruism.
The same strategy was followed, for example, by actress Geraldine Chaplin, daughter of Charlie Chaplin: “Before appearing in public, I forbid myself to think about myself. No, I don’t belittle myself, I just stop cultivating my ego – but how will they react to me, and what will they say about me? I turn into an active listener, an active observer, and over time I get so carried away with the process that I stop thinking about how I look myself, whether I say it or not.”
Albert Einstein Method
Find what interests you
The creator of the theory of probability grew up as a modest and very timid boy. He did not share the interests of other teenagers and was an outsider in companies. However, his passion for physics gave him strength and self-confidence. He found friends and associates who shared his intellectual interests. By the way, Einstein’s timidity did not extend to science. He owns the following words: “A man who never made a mistake, never tried to do something new.”
Bernardo Garducci agrees that shyness disappears as soon as we fully immerse ourselves in what we really like. “I remember almost dying of fright the first time I went on stage,” admits actor Harrison Ford. – But then I was “dragged”, and after a while I could no longer live without the theater. This is what saved me. Otherwise, I would have remained a failure for the rest of my life.”
Source: Books Bernardo Carducci “Shyness: A Bold New Approach” (Harper Perennial, 2000), Susan Cain “Introverts. How to use the features of your character” (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2013).