The modern world poses difficult tasks for a woman in terms of social and personal realization. The birth of children becomes part of a whole list of necessary achievements. A nervous and inharmonious state both during pregnancy and after it negatively affects the health of the child, his behavior and future. Psychologist Alexander Gorniy reveals the secret of happy motherhood and harmony in the family.
If motherhood is burdened with physical and psychological problems, it becomes a heavy and joyless burden. Today, children are very often diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), and this is far from the only side manifestation of the unpreparedness of modern women for motherhood. A whole bunch of psychosomatic diseases and psychological problems inherited from parents and, first of all, from mothers, accompany a person all his life.
Is there a way to interrupt the toxic relay race? How to make motherhood really happy, and children calm and joyful?
Each of us is the blacksmith of our own happiness, but the future mother is the blacksmith not only for herself, but also for her unborn child. To be or not to be happy depends only on her choice. To implement this choice, there are both modern tools of psychology and recipes that have been tested for thousands of years, the main of which is inner harmony and love.
Many readers will say that love is “too difficult and not given to everyone”, it “either exists or it doesn’t”. But it’s not. Love in one form or another is available to everyone, but for the majority it is in the heart «behind seven seals.» Like the water of a river blocked by the fallen stones of personal problems, it waits in the wings. It is only necessary to determine the essence of these problems and carefully sort out the rubble. The next step is to learn how to manage the awakening love that you may have never met or forgot about after breaking your heart years ago. Especially for “clearing the blockages”, I developed a system of soft release of feelings and harmonization of the personality — Smart Deliverance. In combination with other methods, it will help heal yourself, relationships and prepare for motherhood, as well as completely re-aware of your roles and find harmony in the family.
Try to confess your love or show feelings for the people around you, for the place where you live
Let’s imagine that you are at a virtual appointment and we are talking about your feelings and love. Sit back, close your eyes, and imagine yourself in a place that you like, where you feel most yourself, where you feel the warmest. Perhaps this is a grandmother’s house from a distant childhood or a clearing where you ran away to be alone with yourself, perhaps this is a seashore with a setting sun or a paradise island. It’s great if this place makes your heart calm, peace and warmth appear in your chest.
Feel who you are ready to invite here, with whom you are ready to share the warmth and harmony of this cherished space? Are there such people in the environment or maybe you are ready to share the space only with your pet?
Try to confess your love or show feelings for the people around you, for the place where you live. How well does it work? Are you ready to invite into this space and confess your love to the man from whom you are planning a child? Try to feel the child in your arms — does it work? How comfortable are the feelings?
The most important thing in this exercise is not to do anything by force! Everything should be soft. If something is not presented or felt, just note it and move on, in no case should you visualize the picture with effort.
Pay attention to feelings, to every detail, explore yourself, ask your own questions. Be sure to write down the results when you complete this exercise — you will need them in working on yourself. You can offer this exercise to a partner. Knowing your problems and strengths will allow you to better understand yourself and each other. It is not necessary to share test results in detail, try to find common ground, but not hurt each other.
This exercise answers the question of whether you are able to love. The ability to love is the most important for future parents. It may be useful for both of you to meet with a psychologist based on the results of this exercise and form a road map for strengthening the family. Here we will only touch on some general points related to children and motherhood.
If at the thought of a child your heart warms, if you smile, looking at the children in the yard, you can easily imagine the child in your arms and express love to him, then everything is fine. It is very important that you can imagine a child who is not like you or your partner, because the child may not be a copy of you. But you also need to imagine the “little yourself”, for many, subconscious self-hatred, self-rejection is transferred to the child.
If you couldn’t feel and even imagine a child in your arms, if you couldn’t confess your love to him or express love in a different way, then there can be many reasons for this. It is important to understand at what stage the failure occurs.
1. If you didn’t know love
Perhaps you never knew parental love, and with a partner, feelings did not go beyond banal attraction. Then the heart will “keep silent” this time as well. You may have to go from the moment of your conception, building your life virtually anew. Before you give birth to your children, it is desirable to be born correctly yourself. As psychologists say: «It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.» It really is. If you have not known love, it is worth addressing this problem as early as possible, preferably long before you start looking for a partner, and not just before planning children.
2. Problem with a partner
You may not be able to express love to a child from a particular man. See if you can confess your love to him yourself? Try to understand at what point you lost feelings for your partner or lost the opportunity to express love to his child. Perhaps at the start of the relationship there was no such problem. There may be a scattering of reasons, and for the most part they are removable. But, if you do not have mutual grievances and other introduced factors, and you cannot love a child from this particular man, even working with a specialist does not help, you probably should not continue the relationship. It is better to disperse at this stage than to spoil the life of each other and future children.
3. Problem with children and motherhood
You cannot harmoniously imagine the child in your arms and love for him does not arise independently of the partner. At the same time, there are no problems with love itself, and you can easily express it to your loved one, loved ones and the world around. This may indicate problems in relation to children or the fact of motherhood / fatherhood. It can be banal immaturity, the negative experience of your parents, your own difficult childhood. It can be household settings, registered in the subconscious. For example, «no children yet have their own apartment, car, prosperity, perfect health.» As they say, «underline what is necessary.»
There are more points and all of them become visible at the appointment with a specialist. I haven’t encountered any insurmountable problems. But there are problems, the solution of which requires very serious, consistent and long-term work. And the more time devoted to it, the more significant the result and the more radical positive change in life. In some cases, even the word «change» is incorrect, it’s just a new happy life, replacing the past existence without love and meaning.
The space of love is a beautiful garden that needs care and sometimes restoration.
There comes a time when you can hold the baby in your arms in love, feel love for your partner and are loved by him. As a couple, you are able to create a space of love, not only for yourself, but also for future children, which means you are ready for conception, pregnancy and childbirth. Just do not think that the work done is enough for a lifetime and you can do nothing more. The space of love is a beautiful garden that needs care, and sometimes serious restoration after hurricanes, passions and troubles in family life. Love must be protected and cultivated, but it is truly worth it!
And the child will thank you for the work on yourself that you did before his conception. He will allow his behavior and health to expand your space (your garden) even more, to let you experience the fullness of love and family happiness. Soon you will think about the second child.
Restoring the ability to love, natural for any person, is one of the main directions in my work. For most people, this is easier than they might imagine. For those who have not known love since childhood, the process of opening up can take time and effort. But it’s probably the most rewarding thing in life. After all, a revived heart really changes for the better the whole life of a person in all its manifestations.
It’s never too late to open your heart and start a new happy life!