Being a mom is very difficult! Just imagine: you were on your own, responsible exclusively for yourself, organizing your day based on your needs and desires. And then again – and you have a small human being in your arms, with whom it is impossible to come to an agreement. And together with the baby, a whole horde of new rules falls on you. It is not surprising that the newly-made mother is lost, falls into a stupor or begins to beat in hysterics. Everything seems wrong, almost every movement is wrong, and as a result – a constant feeling of guilt in front of the child.
But everything is fixable. It is enough to breathe deeply, pull yourself together and believe in yourself. And one more thing.
1. Behave like a professional. To be more confident in yourself, just be more confident in yourself. And also calm and happy. At first, all manipulations with the processing of the navel, changing the diaper, dressing and undressing the baby cause trembling in the hands. But believe me, very soon you will be dealing with all this blindfolded (well, almost).
2. Stop listening to other people’s advice. Understandably, mom, mother-in-law, grandmother, aunt have already raised their children, so they consider themselves experts in educational matters. Get ready: from the first day of discharge from the hospital, or maybe even earlier, you will be under constant pressure from the older generation, its degree depends on the authority of a family member. You will be clumsy at first, but that’s okay! All or almost all girls are born with a maternal instinct, but none are born with experience, you will acquire it over time, and quickly enough. Therefore, it makes sense to limit visits to relatives, do not crowd in your house and do not bombard you with advice.
3. Stop thinking of yourself as a bad mom. All babies fall and it’s always awful, whether they are 2 months old or 13 years old. But, as my grandmother used to say, children grow up through falls. It is vital for them to stuff their own bumps. If you haven’t locked your child in a car basking in the sun and left without food for two days, put guilt aside. You cannot lay straw everywhere, you cannot predict all dangerous situations, but you can make the environment as safe as possible for the child.
4. Get rid of the audience. Sometimes, to calm a crying child, you need to be alone with him. Too many people, endless games and clutches excite the baby, and it is difficult for him to calm down on his own. Unfortunately, there are more advisers among people than those who are able to understand, especially among relatives. Go to the bathroom, lock yourself in there with your baby, turn on the water or the fan – a source of monotonous noise can help calm a crybaby.
5. Become decisive. This means it’s time to stop doubting. If you don’t try, you won’t know, will you? Try to hear the inner voice, the maternal instinct and is built to a large extent on intuitive decision-making. I know from myself that when a baby is on hand and a thousand things to do at the same time, dexterity, speed of reactions suddenly appear, and at the same time the speed of thought increases. You seem to foresee the result and consequences of certain actions, both your own and the child’s. This alone makes you feel like a supermom.
6. Take notes. Even supermoms sometimes need help and safety net. For example, prepare in advance for a visit to a pediatrician – write down what worries you about the behavior and health of the child, then in the doctor’s office you will not be confused. Even if you just prepared a speech outside the door, a stressful situation, which is a doctor’s appointment, can provoke sudden amnesia. In order not to come back and ask the same thing a hundred times, write down questions before each visit to the pediatrician and the doctor’s instructions while you are at the appointment.
7. Don’t hide your emotions. Paradoxically, this is true: it is not useful for a child to see only a smiling mother. Mom is a living person, she can be sad, scared, she can be upset or discouraged. The main thing is how mom deals with these emotions. Because, no matter how we want, everything does not happen and is always wonderful, and it is important for a child to understand this. Let’s define your emotions, tell the kid out loud: “I was so sad, but now I feel better”, “This hurts me, please don’t do this.” By explaining your reactions, you can help your child understand his own emotions and feelings and teach him how to deal with them.
8. Don’t compare your child to other children. Please do not give in to this race “How, you are already three years old, and you haven’t read yet ?! And we are already in French! ” Forget phrases like “Here Sonya is great, she always puts away her toys, but you don’t.” You gave birth to a child in order to love him, so love him as he is! Each child is different and unique, and so is yours! And do not let the mothers in the sandbox scold your child, always be on his side. He is the best because yours.
9. Take time for yourself. Favorite “song” of most new mothers – “I don’t have time for myself, everything is taken away by the child.” Honestly, not all of them. You don’t have to do your hair every day, but you can relax in the bath for 20 minutes. Or once a week, arrange a beauty day for yourself. Here it is useful to remember about relatives and grandmothers, let them give you a rest and thus show their care. Nothing raises a woman’s self-esteem like a beautiful, well-groomed reflection in the mirror.
10. Be happy together. And yet, despite all the difficulties, this is the most wonderful time and state – to be a mother. Enjoy it with your baby, enjoy his smiles and successes, show him the world, in a word, be happy!