How to arouse your inner optimist and stop worrying?

Even if it is difficult to switch from being pessimistic to optimistic, it is not an impossible task. The more often we trigger an optimist within ourselves, the more positive thinking becomes.

1. Many people complain that the ongoing pandemic has significantly and permanently lowered their mood, triggered layers of fears and dark thoughts
2. Meanwhile, research proves that being optimistic is good not only for our psyche, but also for our body
3. Experts argue that we can awaken our inner optimist and thus at least partially control our malaise
4. You can find more such stories on the TvoiLokony home page
5. ARTICLE FROM NEWSWEEK MAGAZINE PSYCHOLOGIA 4/2020

The material was created as part of the #KOCHAJSIEBIE social campaign, encouraging Poles to change their habits – caring for mental and physical health that was severely strained during the pandemic. The action is carried out jointly by Medonet, Onet and United Nations Global Compact Network Poland.

Research conducted for years shows conclusively that being optimistic brings many benefits: it has a positive effect on our health, promotes effective coping with stress and problem solving, increases our subjective well-being and improves our mood. No wonder that such an attitude in life is an object of desire. In addition, more and more research and theories – including the well-known concept of Martin Seligman’s optimistic attributive style – convince us that positive thinking is not only genetically determined and that virtually anyone can learn it. In theory it is quite simple, but in practice this change does not always happen and negative thoughts still dominate in our head. Then what?

It may be helpful to look at the question of optimism from the perspective of Hubert Hermans’ dialogue self theory. By departing from the traditional understanding of personality as a set of relatively constant and coherent features that largely determine our responses, it allows us to grasp the hitherto overlooked subtle phenomena in the human mind. Hermans takes the position that our self is composed of various interrelated parts – the so-called self positions, which we can understand as different aspects of our person. Each of these items is activated in a specific context and causes our way of thinking to change. We begin to look at the world from a specific perspective, feel characteristic emotions and behave in a certain way. For example, the same person may feel in their element at work – competent, fulfilled, ready to face new challenges, and after returning home, may enter the position of a lonely or hurt person, with no hope for a better tomorrow.

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On the other hand, in relation to their elderly parents, they may not show their weakness or focus too much on their professional identity. Instead, she will try to understand the needs of her parents and help them out of gratitude that they have done so much for her. In the light of this theory, the same person may experience and behave in different, and sometimes even contradictory, ways depending on what position of the self was awakened in him. The idea of ​​inner multiplicity is not entirely new. Probably everyone has heard about the inner critic or read that it is worth cultivating the inner child within. Why shouldn’t we pay more attention to our inner optimist?

Starting optimist mode

According to the theory of the dialogic self, which inner part will be voiced at a given moment, first of all, is determined by the context, i.e. the specific situation in which a given person is. Sometimes the nature of the event itself has the strongest effect. At the New Year’s Eve party, we get carried away by the moment and enjoy spending time having fun. At the funeral, we assume the identity of the mourner. In other words – by existing in a given situational context, we automatically succumb to unwritten rules, informal expectations and the rituals that govern them. Being optimistic certainly does not fit in with many social situations. In others, however, it will be appreciated. So let’s consider under what circumstances it is easier for us to express positive thinking, and then let’s start training optimism. Context is also the interpersonal relationship itself.

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According to the assumptions of the dialogical trend, in every relationship, both we and our interlocutors exist in a specific position. Wherein? In the one we choose ourselves and which will be accepted by our interlocutor or which the other person will immediately impose on us. It all depends on who has the most interaction power. This means that in contact with certain people it may not be possible to remain optimistic for a longer period of time. By expressing our faith in a positive solution to problems or by embracing a successful future, we can be laughed at and be told to stop being clouded. Motivated to think positively, we can try for a while to prove that the glass is half full, but without the interlocutor’s acceptance of our identity, we can only be positioned as naive, drunk.

On the other hand, each of us, after a moment of reflection, can indicate people who will spontaneously support positive thinking in us and for whom being optimistic is natural and simple, and even clearly strengthened. These are the ones who, believing in our abilities even more than ourselves, and telling us that there is no bad thing that would not work out for good, instill in us an optimistic thinking, even though it does not happen directly. It is thanks to them that our optimistic voice becomes clearer.

Further part below the video.

Apart from the situational and relational context, their hierarchy is crucial to making our inner parts more vocal. Some of them are allowed to speak more often, others rarely. The latter appear as short-lived thoughts that we do not attach much importance to. To reflect the idea of ​​this phenomenon, James Wertsch created the metaphor of the mind as a toolbox. It says that the more often a tool is used, the more accessible it is, and unless the situation requires the use of a special tool, we reach for it first. It is similar with our I positions – the more often a given position is given a voice, the greater the chance that it will be reactivated. So a person described as optimistic is someone for whom the position of optimist is often triggered. The more he uses it, the more accessible the position becomes, and thus positive thinking becomes more habitual.

Wertsch’s metaphor also shows how difficult it can be initially to switch from a pessimistic to an optimistic approach, as the first way of thinking will automatically trigger on pessimists. However, this is not an impossible task, because, according to the dialogical theory, positions can also be started intentionally. And we do it a lot, although we rarely think that we consciously manage our inner parts. Haven’t we at least once in a more controlled way to evoke a certain way of behaving, thinking and feeling? For example, when we encourage ourselves before an interview: Go over there and do your best! It’ll be all right!

Everyone hides a giant

At the beginning, consciously activating and strengthening the position of the inner optimist requires effort and time. First, we first need to identify that part within ourselves – to actually feel it within ourselves and recognize what specific motivation, thoughts, behaviors, emotions and bodily sensations it is related to, and determine which situations and people support this part of us. For each of us, the inner optimist will manifest itself in a slightly different way. This is confirmed by the results of research showing that optimism is not a homogeneous phenomenon and occurs in many forms.

In the next step, we should focus our attention on regular and conscious exercise of activating this part of ourselves, first in particularly favorable conditions. It can run, among others positive thinking, e.g. daily reflection on a few things that may turn out to be nice for us the next day; finding the pluses of an unpleasant situation; naming your strengths, things that went well. It may or may not. Because every inner optimist is different and someone may be better at planning projects or setting challenges. Strengthening the position of the inner optimist also means consciously limiting the activity of the inner pessimist or critic or other part of us that dominates our positive voice.

So we need to focus some of our attention on picking up negative thoughts about ourselves, our possibilities and the world, and sending them in the opposite direction so that they don’t overwhelm us. Assuming that each of the self positions has its own distinctive thoughts and emotions, none of them is more true than the others. They are all relative, context-dependent, and impermanent. Along with the change of position, after all, the subjective vision of the world, thinking, feeling changes, a different repertoire of behaviors becomes available. As a result, a pessimistic way of thinking can quickly turn into one full of hope or realism. Working on supporting the position of the inner optimist (and, of course, by analogy with every other part of us) is not a process that can take place over the weekend. Changes in the repertoire of our inner positions are gradual. It must be remembered that consciously managing them will allow us to gain more control over how we react to events occurring in our lives, and the possibility of a healthy distance from our internal parts, which – as Wertsch called them – are only tools our mind.

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The polyphony of balance

Dialogue theory does not treat the position of the internal optimist as a key position or absolutely necessary for proper functioning. Thus, it does not support the phenomenon described by Barbara Held “tyranny of positivity”. According to this concept, it is much more important to have many different, well-integrated parts that correspond to the complexity of the world around us. From this perspective, the voice of an optimist is just as important as that of a pessimist, realist, inner child or even a critic. Why? Because different situations require different reactions from us. Therefore, the emphasis is on the intentional management of the repertoire of our items, making us more mentally flexible. So we can choose an optimistic way of thinking, but we should not become its hostage. //

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About the author:

Dr Anna Grabińska – psychologist, scientist and educator; assistant professor at the Department of Clinical Psychology and Health at the Faculty of Psychology in Warsaw, SWPS University. Member of the International Society for Dialogical Science.

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