A separation is a difficult stage for the whole family. By applying a few essential principles, announcing a divorce to your children can be done with peace of mind.

Children are very receptive to conflict and verbalizing the situation helps them calm down. It is important to choose your words carefully: use clear and fair words. Pick a quiet time, which you agree with your partner, putting aside the tensions between you.

Discuss beforehand how you are going to tell them the news. And above all, do not wait for the conflict to degrade daily life too much. Despite the tensions, you must be able to come to an understanding with your spouse to act responsibly. The more calm you appear, the more sure of yourself and your decision, the less your children will be apprehensive about their future.

Regardless of their age, children are able to understand that your union is over. But they often feel like they can fix the situation and find a way to make it up to you. Emphasize this point: your decision is final, and there will be no quick fixes to turn back the clock.

If your children are old enough – at least 6 years old – it is recommended to specify whether this is a unilateral decision or a mutual agreement. Indeed, in the first case, they will perfectly feel the guilt of the parent who leaves and the sadness of the one who remains. These explanations must however be done in all objectivity, if possible without bias so as not to influence the children.

Giving appropriate speech is essential in helping your children understand what is going on. Tell them the truth: if the parents no longer love each other, it is better to separate and stop living together. Usually, the decision to divorce follows months of strife and arguments. The announcement of the divorce can act as a resolution, or at least as an appeasement. Reassure them by explaining that this is the best way to find a calm and pleasant home. Also specify that you wish them well, and that they no longer have to undergo a tense situation. You must speak to them calmly, absolutely leaving aside the slightest reproach that concerns your relationship.

The first reaction of children to the news of their parents’ divorce is to feel responsible, even if they do not mention it in front of you. Just because they weren’t good doesn’t mean you are breaking up. It is essential to make your children feel guilty about this decision: it is an adult story that could in no way have been influenced by the role of children.

When parents separate, children realize that contrary to what they thought, it is possible to stop loving each other. This realization is a shock. Children can imagine that if the love between the parents has faded, the love you have for them can also stop. Again, do not hesitate to reassure your children. The bond that unites you to them is unalterable and indestructible, for both parents. Despite the sadness or resentment that may reside in you towards your partner, do everything possible to support your children in this change of situation: their well-being is and remains your priority.

Children need each of their parents throughout their development. They need to know that they can always count on them. With your partner, you have undoubtedly already considered the modalities of separation: who keeps the accommodation, where the other will live. Share it with your children, while stressing that each of you will always be there for them, no matter what. And don’t try to downplay the impact of the divorce by emphasizing what you imagine to be consolations: they’ll have two homes, two bedrooms, etc.

Your decision to divorce is not theirs, and they have every right to exteriorize their anger, sadness, and pain. Listen to them when they tell you, without minimizing their feelings. And don’t avoid the subject. On the contrary, offer them to answer all their questions. You need to keep the chat room open, to respect their feelings.

When you announce the divorce to your children, keep in mind that it is all their representations of love and family that will be upset. But the bottom line is that they continue to know that you love them, and that you are there for them.