How to accept the Unimaginable

Rada Granovskaya

Doctor of Psychology, professor at St. Petersburg State University, author of many books, one of them is The Psychology of Faith (Rech, 2004).

“Many of us find it unpleasant to think not so much about death as about the approach of old age: we are afraid of feeling neglected by the younger ones, we are afraid of loneliness, we cannot come to terms with some meaninglessness of life in old age. As for death itself, we are mostly afraid of pain, dependence on drugs … At the same time, it is not at all a fact that we would like to live forever. The feeling that some important life tasks, tasks are not completed, helps to avoid these fears – this is the float that you can hold on to. But in any case, each of us goes through several stages: first we deny death, then we think: “Why me?”, We feel aggression, anger, and only then humility comes to us.”

Alexander Badkhen

Psychotherapist, co-director of the Harmony Institute of Psychotherapy and Counseling (St. Petersburg).

“Flowers wither, leaves fall, years leave their mark on our appearance – dying and death are present next to us, but we are not inclined to notice them, because this threatens our optimism. “Everyone knows that he will die. But nobody believes. Because if we believed, we would live differently, ”says the hero of the book by Mitch Albom *. Indeed, the recognition of the fact of the inevitability of death is the most important moment in life. It’s important to talk about it. How did you first hear about her? Under what circumstances? What did they experience then? What do you feel now, thinking about death, imagining it, drawing it? It is important to ask yourself questions and sincerely answer them: this is what helps to subsequently support loved ones and yourself.

* M. Albom “Life’s Greatest Lesson, or Tuesdays with Morrie.” AST, Transitbook, 2005.

Philippe Grimbert

Psychoanalyst, author of The Secret (Grasset, 2004).

“We worry so much because we have forgotten that we appear from nothing, therefore, from death. I realized this through working with seriously ill children: they are much less afraid of us. Why? They just know they’re coming from there. We, therefore, should rediscover this childish wisdom and remember that we already had this experience of non-existence – much earlier than the current experience of existence.

Nifont Dolgopolov

Psychotherapist, director of the Moscow Institute of Gestalt and Psychodrama.

“Having figured out what exactly we are afraid of, what is behind the fear of death for us, we can put this knowledge to good use: if we are afraid of aging, we will begin to take better care of ourselves; we don’t want to lose loved ones – let’s communicate more and warmer with them, enjoying their closeness. Paradoxically, it is the fear of death that often becomes the starting point for us, the transition to a new level of our own existence. That’s why it can be so helpful to imagine that today is the last day…”

Marie de Hennezel

Psychologist, author of the book “Dying with your eyes open” (“Mourir les yeux ouverts”, Albin Michel, 2005).

“If I had to die in a week, what would I definitely want to do? Ask yourself this question and you will understand or feel what is most important for you: for someone – to finish a book, for someone – to renew relationships with family … It depends on the specific circumstances. But in any case, you need to live as close as possible to your core values ​​​​and goals – this is the best lesson in preparing for death.

Svetlana Krivtsova

Existential psychotherapist, author of the book “How to find harmony with yourself and the world” (Genesis, 2004).

“I think that dying is one of those states that are not as scary from the inside as they are from the outside. However, I will not insist, due to lack of personal experience. Any death is unfair, because it takes away the opportunity to experience and do something else, somehow bring oneself into life, finish something. The fact that “a person is not just mortal – he is suddenly mortal” is a reminder: you need to hurry, because there may not be enough time. You need to at least start, just start on the road. Otherwise, death will frighten continuously: panic attacks, nightmares, intolerance to other people’s diseases and their own withering. We cannot wish ourselves never to die. We can wish ourselves another – a worthy death among loved ones at the hour when it naturally comes, as evening fatigue comes after a difficult, interesting day and a person feels: now is the time to rest.