How thinking in a foreign language changes lives

One of Irina’s clients said that a different language forms not only a different worldview, but also a sense of self. “I speak Russian – I am uncertain and anxious. I speak English – the mood rises, anxiety goes away, and with it the stated problem evaporates. And this is true, says the psychologist.

A foreign language creates a new identity, in which there are no prohibitions and restrictions, because in childhood no one scolded or criticized us in this language. And when we start thinking in another language, we feel more confident and freer.

“Have you noticed such an effect when you speak a non-native language? Conduct an experiment: think about some problem of your own, start talking about it in Russian; switch (sit differently); think of the same problem, but in a different language; talk about it out loud. And how do you like the result? Is something changing? Several of Irina’s clients felt the difference. But then the question arises: if our native language, in which we were raised and educated, often reminds us of some unpleasant events and difficult feelings, then can we change our lives by “changing” the language?

Speech determines consciousness

We think the way we speak. “Speech in a child is formed along with thinking. At first, he does not think, but simply perceives – sees, feels, hears, tastes some object, phenomenon or action, – the expert explains, – then associates it with the word that others pronounce. “This is the nose”, “I love you,” says mom. Next, a concept is formed, and later a connection is formed between the concepts.

From birth until the formation of active speech – from 0 to 2-3 years – a person is most receptive to language programs. The child absorbs, appropriates not only the word itself, its sound, but also the voice, tone, emotions that accompanied it. Words spoken to us with strong emotions are especially vividly imprinted in our consciousness, no matter what color they had.

When we remember an unpleasant situation, it is always accompanied by emotionally loaded phrases from loved ones. This non-verbal load continues to live with this phrase, this word and beyond. We put into words not only generally accepted meanings from dictionaries, but also our own experience, character, perception.

“If we ask a few Russian speakers what they mean by “I love”, everyone will have a different answer containing a personal, unique story.” For some, this word may not be as pleasant and bright as for others. After all, they loved everyone in childhood in different ways and talked about love in different ways too.

“I once worked with a client who was struggling with money. He associated the word “wealth” with a negative aspect. His father often envied other, more successful men, and out loud, in front of the child, condemned them and criticized: “Here’s a freak, he stole.” It is clear that the client was torn into two parts. On the one hand, I want to be rich, on the other hand, I don’t want to be a “freak”. We have replaced the word rich with the English version of “rich”. And it worked!

The psychotherapeutic effect of the “other” language appeared. A person, pronouncing the “problem” in other words, builds up from the usual constructions and perceives the situation from a new perspective. Often after such a “look” the situation ceases to seem problematic.

Why is there a language barrier?

If another language is a bridge to a different reality and worldview, then why are we often afraid to speak it? Almost everyone who has studied a foreign language has come across the concept of a language barrier. Some made it easier, some harder. And some didn’t make it at all. Is it because we are afraid of change and freedom from our traumas and fears, albeit painful, but so familiar and dear? We already know how to deal with them, and the unknown is scary.

The language barrier has two main reasons, Irina Gross believes: linguistic, when there is not enough practice, and psychological.

“The moment we give up our language and speak another, we really lose our footing, part of our identity, confidence and stability. We become a small child again, vulnerable and vulnerable. That is why I sometimes advise some of my clients who have a foreign boss to switch to Russian in a conversation with him in order to regain their identity, and with it their confidence in themselves and their abilities.

But sometimes it’s good for us to rewrite our identity a bit to get rid of dark spots on the pages of our personal history. As did the 42-year-old Alla, who has many bitter memories associated with Russian words. In her family, it was customary not only to verbally abuse children, but also to beat them.

“Several years ago I met a Frenchman who came to our city on a business trip. I didn’t know a word of French. We spoke in English, which, by the way, I knew at the level of a school textbook. But since childhood, I had a dream – that one day my musketeer will appear and I will live in a different world and speak the beautiful language of love.

Today, Alla lives in France, she hardly uses Russian. Her daughter does not speak Russian, a language that caused her mother too much pain, which French helped to “forget”.

Can language really change our lives?

When we learn a new language as adults, we encounter abstraction and fill it with concrete meanings ourselves. “For example, say the Russian word “problem” and observe your feelings. Now say a similar word “challenge”, which has several meanings – “difficult task”, “challenge”. Again, observe your feelings. In the first case, many feel a decline in strength, in the second – an upsurge.

If there are more terms in the language to describe shades of color, then a person begins to distinguish them more in reality, Irina Gross is convinced. In the language of the Yagan tribe (Tierra del Fuego) there is a word that is capacious in meaning, reads like “mamihlapinatapai”, which means “a look between two people, in which the desire of each is expressed, that the other will become the initiator of what both want, but neither wants to be first.” A long heavy Russian construction of more than two dozen words turns into one light and figurative word.

Mastering new words and concepts, we seem to expand our boundaries and capabilities, learn to see the world from a different angle and feel differently. And metamorphosis inevitably takes place with us. So, is it possible to model it?

“Personally, when I speak English, I feel smarter, more successful, more mature.” This is an international language, and it gives a feeling of leaving one’s own “children’s” world, there is a feeling of “I can do more.”

English is not ashamed to make mistakes, speak out of place and express your feelings. “It’s as if you get some kind of discount on “perfection”, now I don’t need it,” Irina shares. – Also in English you want to be more positive, smile and be nice and polite. Another language that gives me freedom is Spanish, I don’t speak it well, but in it I allow myself to be crazy, passionate, lose my head and do “strange” things for a Russian-speaking person. I know many people who have learned a second, third language, and their self-esteem has changed, there is a feeling of greater freedom. Isn’t that a reason to change for the better?”