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Psychology
We are faced with a new “affective code” that will change the way we express how we feel
To say that the coronavirus “is going to change the way we live” It may sound outrageous, as it is hard for us to conceive of such a sudden change from our “normality.” But, if we have seen something during the long days that we have spent confined to our house, it is that we are facing an extraordinary moment that almost leaves our understanding.
From now on, the social code that we know will be rewritten. We, a society that supports its signs of affection on the most physical plane – we hug, kiss and touch constantly – we are going to have to learn to show how we feel differently.
Everyone is waiting to know how what we know will be from now on. “Our behavior in spaces is going to change: people want to know what protocols will be established,” says psychologist Patricia Gutiérrez Albaladejo, from the TAP Center. But, one of the things that creates the most uncertainty is what the new affective and social culture that we are going to assume. “We, as a society, transfer affection through physical contact and in a very common way we interact in large groups and contemplate festive spaces”, says the professional. Now we wait for a “new formula” that creates the pattern of the new “affective meaning”: we are going to have to give a new concept to hugs or celebrations.
More importance to words
Spain is used to an “interpersonal measure” much closer than other European countries, where on many occasions during a conversation a meter of distance is kept, something that may seem a bit strange to us. «Our affective code is going to have to change; we are going to focus on the verbal more and the physical contact less », says the psychologist. In this “new normal” that is being talked about, we are going to have to alearn to lose shame and the feeling of vulnerability that we often feel when expressing how we feel. «It is a journey that we are going to have to take as a society: emotional expression is associated with the weak, and it must be turned around. Now, the people who best adapt to this will be the ones with the greatest strength, ”says Patricia Gutiérrez Albaladejo.
A feeling that is already known to us but is now going to gain more prominence is fear. This emotion, its own protection mechanism, can help us on many occasions, but also weigh us down. «We are afraid because it is a defense resource automatic, but we have to assume it: we cannot let it paralyze us, we must learn to be with people again, following the security protocols that they mark, ”explains the psychologist.
“Flirting” in the “new normal”
Beyond our social relationships, with friends, family or colleagues, we are entering a new way of understanding the codes of the couple. When it comes to “flirting”, people are going to face this situation in a new context: bars and discos, places traditionally doomed to create “new couples”, are not going to return to their usual situation. «Even so, for some time now they have been established and many dating apps have become popular, so things may not change so much, “says Raquel Graña, a psychologist and sexologist at Intima Connections, who adds that” people are very ingenious “and the tricky thing now will not be to” flirt “but to maintain physical contact with a stranger.
“People are eager to meet their” hookups “and have relationships and, if we have always had to be cautious, now much more », explains the professional. Avoiding physical contact “is going to take its toll”, but the sexologist considers it essential to focus on the present and not wander through uncertain options. “The day will come when we can touch, kiss and hug again, but we must be responsible from the heart,” he says and recommends not falling into the thought of “I will not be able to hug someone special for a while”, as this will wear us out a lot emotionally.
Virtual communication
A phenomenon that has been established among us these days is that of video calls, to which we resort to try to replicate our normal social relationships as faithfully as possible. There are people who want to have parties in this way on weekends, those who call regular work meetings or those who maintain contact with their partner in this way. “We have totally normalized this support, and if we have learned something from history, it is that when something works, it does not disappear,” says Patricia Gutierrez Albaladejo. Explain that, although it will not replace face-to-face meetings, it does video calls are going to be a complement: “They are not exclusive, but in the field of work, or with our friends it is a formula that will remain.”
Although we keep in contact with the people we love through telematics, these days have been an opportunity to rreflect on our life. “This time has helped us to value the people who are there and those who are not, even to consider whether some are so relevant in our lives”, says Raquel Graña and concludes: “It has really been a positive change, of evolution and introspection” .