We know that the mind and feelings are not always at odds, but what to do with fears and hopes, what to do with guilt and where to get gratitude when there is fatigue and anger in the soul? When the head tells us that we are wrong, feelings do not always subside from this, often this gives rise to the next wave of internal indignation.
It is best when the mind and feelings are friends, support each other. This helps a person to live in harmony with himself and effectively solve the life tasks that confront him.
Is it possible? Yes, it is possible, but it takes some effort. Commonwealth of mind and feelings is a task that can be solved only with a high level of personality development. The lower the level of personality development, the more often life issues are resolved at the level of feelings. Women more often allow themselves to live with feelings, although when necessary they think no worse than men. The higher the level of personality development, the more often the appeal to the mind takes place, but only the commonwealth of the mind and feelings gives the best results.
A person who lives with one head does not always understand those around him, usually loses to them in spontaneity and in the power of pressure. On the other hand, those who live with feelings without a head too often find themselves in problem situations that would seem easy to foresee.
The harmony of mind and feelings is possible and necessary, while the specific structure of harmony does not consist in the equality of mind and feelings, but in their hierarchy: the mind makes responsible decisions, and the feelings subordinate to it help it in this. Without sabotage and self-will.
As in a good family: the husband is the head of the family, and the family is happy and friendly.
The optimal mind-feeling relationship is the same as the relationship between management and employees in a good, efficient organization. In such an organization there are services that provide management with the necessary information, there is a security service that instantly responds when necessary, and there are a large number of employees employed in various industries. All these services and employees are extremely important, but they are all subordinate to management. The harmony of management and employees lies in the fact that the manager reasonably manages, and employees do what they are entrusted with high quality.
The same relationship exists between the mind and the senses. The mind needs orientation, and most of the information is provided by the senses — both external and internal. In situations of danger, where an instant response is required, reflexes may be activated that work even before the head is turned on. In addition, feelings rebuild the body for different needs and conditions, participate in the process of communication, creating brightness and emotional intelligibility. All major decisions are made by the mind, and feelings and emotions serve the mind, but do not overshadow it, do not interfere with its work.
There is hardly any serious reason to say that in the face of the most difficult and responsible decisions, the mind often gives in and is rescued by feelings and intuition: it must be taken into account that most of the phenomena that non-specialists are used to calling «feelings» are forms of non-discursive thinking, see →.
Another thing is that it happens that feelings are so well brought up that they can already be trusted with a lot: they already work almost independently, wisely solving all issues with little or no involvement of the mind. In a good organization, the manager does not solve operational problems; everything is done by trained employees. In a well-built soul, the mind does not need to strain on every question, the feelings themselves suggest the best solutions.
It is very important that feelings give subtle information about their state or the state of another person,
but it is equally important that feelings remain only an instrument, and decisions are made by the head.
All responsible decisions must be checked by reason.
If your mind is not enough, you should turn to the mind of other worthy people. If your own head does not work and there is no one to turn to, then listen to yourself, to your feelings. Feelings can also suggest wise decisions, unless their silent promptings are drowned out by cries of emotion. However, in a critical situation, emotions can also help out — they have little intelligence, but there is a lot of strength, and this is sometimes saving. If nothing is taken care of at all, people go into automatic response mode, which usually creates problems.
Son has a control
My son has a test today, but in the morning he says that he has a headache and seems to be getting sick. Reality — he understands that he did not prepare well for the control, is in an internal panic and does not want to go to school (the head works poorly: fear and the desire to drain responsibility are stronger).
- The sister snorts at this and says that he is a fool (the sister guesses about his condition, but does not plan to sympathize, and does not want to think about his problems. Perhaps she is taking revenge for something).
- Dad demands that he immediately go to school (Dad feels the state of the child, but considers it important that the son does not lead to fears and is responsible for his life. Male approach: “Not prepared for the control is your problem”).
- Mom feels her son’s panic and, after thinking, offers a solution to leave the child at home, but for him to sit and do his homework. (Mom has both feelings and a head working, but the way of thinking is rather feminine, determined by the value of “have pity and help”)
- The grandmother does not feel the state of the child, but out of habit she imagined the worst, is led by her feelings and wants to put the child to bed (Everything is determined by feelings, namely fears typical of older women. The head is not included …).
Your choice?
Who sets the boundaries?
Situation times. The family decided to buy a car, determined the amount they could afford. The husband went to a car dealership, the seller played on his feelings … The car was bought on credit for an amount twice as much as planned in advance. The results are deplorable. Question: can this man be called an adult?
Situation two. The girl goes on vacation to the sea, collects a suitcase. She thought in advance and decided that she didn’t need more than five types of dresses, blouses, skirts and trousers for a week-long vacation, but then she reached into the wardrobe … There are so many different things! Moreover, these trousers need just such a blouse, and this skirt needs something … The girl sat down at the table, took a piece of paper and looked for the best combinations of colors and styles for about three hours. Combinatorics was not easy, but the girl was smart and stubborn. In total, according to the results of her calculations, now eighteen dresses, twelve skirts and fourteen blouses need to be stuffed into a suitcase … The question is: does this girl have feelings within the limits determined by her head, or does her smart head serve what her girlish feelings suddenly caught fire?